I need to stop useing this
I say all the things on here that I wish I could tell to a close friend. since mel ignores me, ALi is half way around the world, and all my other friends are absorbed in college or a relationship I write here.
I can't help but still think about things that happened last year. I am constantly thinking what if. I had a dream last night about someone and it stirred some things up. I feel like this is destructive?
I found out the sous chef at work thinks I am hot. like really wants to "bang" me and such. this was a surprise to me. I haven't ever seen myself as hot. I think of myself as nice. maybe cute at times at best. but certainly not hot. I always feel like I am the runner up prize. like the guys dating me want this girl but settle for me because I am nice. I know this is a horrible way to see things but thats how it is.
I love my hair short. its so easy.
I miss high school and no debt and going to dinner and a movie with friends. I miss college and drinking with those friends. its getting a bit better but this is still now where I want to be.
work is ridiculous. I would love to be a chef not a cook but the reality is I am only 20. they can't expect me to do what they have been asking me to do with this much experience. I don't know how I have been keeping up. somehow I think I hit a fast track.
thank god my 21st is coming up. then I can meet some new people and go out for after work drinks anywhere..not just jackys lol..
sorry this is so long but I am pretty sure no one reads it so whatever...
I can't help but still think about things that happened last year. I am constantly thinking what if. I had a dream last night about someone and it stirred some things up. I feel like this is destructive?
I found out the sous chef at work thinks I am hot. like really wants to "bang" me and such. this was a surprise to me. I haven't ever seen myself as hot. I think of myself as nice. maybe cute at times at best. but certainly not hot. I always feel like I am the runner up prize. like the guys dating me want this girl but settle for me because I am nice. I know this is a horrible way to see things but thats how it is.
I love my hair short. its so easy.
I miss high school and no debt and going to dinner and a movie with friends. I miss college and drinking with those friends. its getting a bit better but this is still now where I want to be.
work is ridiculous. I would love to be a chef not a cook but the reality is I am only 20. they can't expect me to do what they have been asking me to do with this much experience. I don't know how I have been keeping up. somehow I think I hit a fast track.
thank god my 21st is coming up. then I can meet some new people and go out for after work drinks anywhere..not just jackys lol..
sorry this is so long but I am pretty sure no one reads it so whatever...