(no subject)
._. It has been confirmed. Ban hates me. He hasn't said that he does, but I know he does. I don't know why. It's not as if I didn't try to be his friend. Maybe some people are just like that.
And these thoughts keep eating away at my head. I keep wanting to dig my eyes out and stab myself in the throat with something sharp and pointy. That's not the way I should be thinking. That's not the way anyone knows I think. But I do.
I've never done anything like that. I usually just smile through it. Some people see that it's fake, some people don't. Some people don't care either way.
Sometimes, on nights like this, I just sit and think back. There's something like a list of people who've hurt me in the past and it won't go away. I can't ever forget, no matter how much I try. Sometimes those people just keep hurting me over and over again. I don't know why I let them. I shouldn't let them! But I do.
So from now on, I'm going to change. I'm going to be different. I'm not going to let anyone hurt me like that. I've never stood up for myself before, but it's about time that I did. The next time someone does something that hurts me, I'm not going to just quietly take it. I'm going to say something and I'm going to stop it.
I'm not going to be anyone's bait, or anyone's fucking snack. Not any more. ...never again.