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To: beatrice@smythe.inc.org
From: Starscream@sectorseven.com
Subject: Cheers!
Bea,
I've taken your advice and have decided to make a few changes in regard to my wardrobe and personal appearance. If you don't believe me, I have proof. I eagerly await your reaction to these drastic changes. And look, I even socialized in them.
All the best,
Christophe
From: Starscream@sectorseven.com
Subject: Cheers!
Bea,
I've taken your advice and have decided to make a few changes in regard to my wardrobe and personal appearance. If you don't believe me, I have proof. I eagerly await your reaction to these drastic changes. And look, I even socialized in them.
All the best,
Christophe
From: beatrice@smythe.inc.org
Subject: Re: Cheers!
Christopher,
As much as I would like to believe this atrocity is the work of photoshop or some similar, manipulating program, I fear that just isn't the case. This is, without a doubt, one of the most horrendous things I have ever bad the misfortune of burning my eyes with.
I could help you, you know. We could go out into the desert and have a nice little sweater bonfire and then go find you something ACCEPTABLE to wear. And hit up a salon while we're at it.
Please note that this suggestion is not entirely optional. If I ever see you face to face in that thing I will dispose of it by any means necessary.
Sincerely worriedly yours,
Beatrice
Reply
From: Starscream@sectorseven.com
Subject: Re: Cheers!
Bea,
My name is not Christopher. There is no "r" on the end. I will assume that that was merely an error on your part and move on.
Remember, I bought that sweater after considering every shred of advice you had to allow and then throwing it out the window. Moreover, I do not trust you with fire and I will never step foot in a salon.
I can only hope to be wearing it when next I see you, if only to spite you. I do not fear you.
All the best,
Christophe
Reply
From: beatrice@smythe.inc.org
Subject: Re: Cheers!
Chris,
Until you acquire a proper sense of fashion, you can only be referred to as Christopher. Christophe sounds far too refrined for someone who dresses the way you do.
Furthermore, you must have misunderstood everything I told you because that monstrosity of yours should never have graced the shelves of a store, much less the body of any person. And if that is indeed how you insist of wearing your hair, I must implore that you at least check out a barber shop. They could fix that.
At this point I also hope you're dressed as such when we run into each other next. I will take great pleasure in destroying that abomonation.
Sincerely,
Beatrice
Reply
From: Starscream@sectorseven.com
Subject: Re: Cheers!
Beatrice,
That is ridiculous. I hope you enjoy being called Beatrice, as a result.
I fail to see what is so horrible of trying a new style every so often. And I cannot help the fact that most of my clothes were ruined due to an...unfortunate accident that I will not expound upon.
Do not touch my clothes.
All the best,
Christophe
Reply
From: beatrice@smythe.inc.org
Subject: Re: Cheers!
Christopher,
I think I'll live. That sweater, however, won't.
And I am very sorry to hear about this unfortunate incident. If, by chance, you feel the need to discreetly drop a few sizes, I would not be opposed to sending you a few decent outfits. At least from there you might be able to decipher what "decent" actually means.
Seriously.
Beatrice
Reply
From: Starscream@sectorseven.com
Subject: Re: Cheers!
Beatrice,
Ha. Ha. Ha. You are hilarious.
But you have inspired me, Beatrice. I intend to go and buy several more sweaters of similar make so that I will be certain to be wearing one should I ever have the misfortune of running into you again.
Sincerely,
Christophe
Reply
From: beatrice@smythe.inc.org
Subject: Re: Cheers!
Christopher,
Then my mission is greater than I first realized. When I find your wardrobe - and I do mean when not if - I will be sure to set fire to the whole damn thing. That seems to be the only option left to us.
Because honestly Chris, how do you expect to attract a nice guy dressed that way?
With only your your best interest at heart,
Beatrice
Reply
From: Starscream@sectorseven.com
Subject: Re: Cheers!
Beatrice,
I sincerely doubt you will ever find my wardrobe.
Moreover, my love life is none of your concern whatsoever.
Go to hell,
Christophe
Reply
From: beatrice@smythe.inc.org
Subject: Re: Cheers!
Christopher,
You underestimate my abilities, as usual.
Also, I'm just calling it like it is. Those sweaters will never get you laid.
After you,
Beatrice
Reply
From: Starscream@sectorseven.com
Subject: Re: Cheers!
Beatrice,
I don't think I am, actually.
And I do not need to get laid! Moreover, as we have previously discussed, my sexual orientation is no concern of yours.
Gladly,
Christophe
Reply
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