sometimes i feel like
just giving up on life. nobody said life and living was going to be this hard and complicated and lonely. i suffer from depression and have done for many years, and with the depression is anxiety. during my pregnancy i had undiagnosed antenatal depressiona and then post natal depression, which again went undiagnosed, i guess i was just good at making up excuses for my behaviour.
i live with my parents again after my divorce from my husband, who doesn't want anything to do with me or our daughter, he won't even recognise her as his daughter - bastard. i wish nothing but bad things for him. but by the sounds of it he's already remarried, didn't take him long between separation and divorce to find someone else. 1 yr. as i said bastard.
i don't like living with my parents, i feel like a child. get treated like one too. i hate it. you know what i also hate, when my sister and her kids always come first. if they need something or she wants my mother to look after her youngest, eleya always get dropped like a hot potato. unlike me she had a partner who can look after the kids.
since may last yr i have been going to bed at between 6-6:30. not much of a life. and i cannot leave the bed otherwise my daughter wakes up crying. i have one day a week where my mother looks after her so that i can stay up late and sleep without having to go to bed early. but whenever my sister decides that they have to go out or whatever or at the moment she is in hospital sick (which if she was a single parent without a partner i wouldn't have an issue) mum has to look after the youngest and drops my daughter faster than superman.
i get upset, i cannot help it. she can't see what she is doing. i am just being a nasty bitch. you can see it in her face, she is disgusted with me because i get upset.
and how would you like your father, you treats your mother terrible sometimes because he is a grumpy old man, telling we what i can and cannot do. and then telling me that i am a sook.
not the first time he has told me i am a sook. about a week after i came home from the hospital after having my daughter, she wouldn't stop crying and i was getting upset and i couldn't stop crying. such a nice man my father is, told me to grown up and stop being a sook.
tells my daughter when she is crying to stop crying and to not be a sook. and there is no need to cry.
it's time for eleya and i to get a place of our own. i don't have much money, i don't know how we will live. but we both need our space. i think i am going mad sometimes. and other times i feel like i am better off dead. or i want to hurt myself. life is hard. i live for my daughter. that is it.
i live with my parents again after my divorce from my husband, who doesn't want anything to do with me or our daughter, he won't even recognise her as his daughter - bastard. i wish nothing but bad things for him. but by the sounds of it he's already remarried, didn't take him long between separation and divorce to find someone else. 1 yr. as i said bastard.
i don't like living with my parents, i feel like a child. get treated like one too. i hate it. you know what i also hate, when my sister and her kids always come first. if they need something or she wants my mother to look after her youngest, eleya always get dropped like a hot potato. unlike me she had a partner who can look after the kids.
since may last yr i have been going to bed at between 6-6:30. not much of a life. and i cannot leave the bed otherwise my daughter wakes up crying. i have one day a week where my mother looks after her so that i can stay up late and sleep without having to go to bed early. but whenever my sister decides that they have to go out or whatever or at the moment she is in hospital sick (which if she was a single parent without a partner i wouldn't have an issue) mum has to look after the youngest and drops my daughter faster than superman.
i get upset, i cannot help it. she can't see what she is doing. i am just being a nasty bitch. you can see it in her face, she is disgusted with me because i get upset.
and how would you like your father, you treats your mother terrible sometimes because he is a grumpy old man, telling we what i can and cannot do. and then telling me that i am a sook.
not the first time he has told me i am a sook. about a week after i came home from the hospital after having my daughter, she wouldn't stop crying and i was getting upset and i couldn't stop crying. such a nice man my father is, told me to grown up and stop being a sook.
tells my daughter when she is crying to stop crying and to not be a sook. and there is no need to cry.
it's time for eleya and i to get a place of our own. i don't have much money, i don't know how we will live. but we both need our space. i think i am going mad sometimes. and other times i feel like i am better off dead. or i want to hurt myself. life is hard. i live for my daughter. that is it.