Puppy..
Yeah
I really regret not saying anything
I mean you can call someone stupid all you want for not being able to do something, but if they are lacking those skills
then there really is no point.
What really is stupid is knowing what your doing while you are doing it, knowing everything rationally, knowing what would most likely happen,
Knowing the best way to handle the situation knowing everything you need to know and more.
Then not doing it.
Such a cowardice move, to think through it all rationally and beyond, then make such a hesitant halt..
To just stop for no reason. All out of fear when you can't even name what it is you are afraid of!
Even more pathetic when the situation is one that would give you few negative outcomes.
Yeah.
I am pretty pathetic.
Yeah, I'm always nice. Try to talk to people, try to help. Yet I don't help at all-
Sure! On here I can talk, if you come to me I could talk, if you just- just something I can probably go out and try to help..
But I can't help, if I see someone there on the floor crying, I most likely wont be able to help them. When I say I wont I dont mean
being incapable or anything because even just trying can do something!
But I just wont.
I would acknowledge them being there..maybe stand there a bit someone trying to see if somebody else would come and do what I want to do..
Walk away slowly looking back, hoping they'll stop. Hoping that there really wasn't any tears being shed..
But I wouldn't go over there.
Someone I know, maybe after a few paces I'll go. I can't do it though..
Not even just to see what is wrong, I wont do it.
Yet I dot conflict with myself alot..start making promises.
"If I see her sitting alone outside again, I will walk past her then make my way back and talk to her..just to see why she would sit alone with so many friends"
The scenarios never seems to work out how I would want it to..
Make eye contact, try to keep it for some minutes. Maybe they would come? Then it would be easier to figure it out..
Maybe I can subliminally send a message that says "I care..but forgive me for being such a coward, please.." but that message can easily change to, "I notice your pain, and really I don't give a crap."
Hah, damn you Straylight Run.
Good music
It dug it up again, when I thought I could just let it rest I get dragged into a song that makes me think nothing else but those regrets..
"But why cant I turn off the radio?"
Drew- I'd put my self down about how im a loser and she'll probably push me overboard
Yeah, basically one of the reasons..would hurt being blown off while trying to help. It does, because then you just sit there as they run away with everyone thinking the same thing "If there was nothing you could do to stop it, why'd you try?"
But I hate that part of me.
You always have those people who seem like the least likely to pull you from a complete breakdown..
They don't seem to understand what you are feeling! They are living life above content, every day an adventure or memory. Not a regret, a memory
Yet I always really like it when I see those same people
Just go out and help that crying person, say the right words..they had no pre thought of it, it just came out perfect, actually there for that person and make them feel more secure about themselves. Not just that someone else understands, or someone that pulls you out the pit and makes you look back at it for a while until you get over it. Someone that pulls you from the pit then gets you tickets to Canada to see the Leaning tower of pizza lean and shows you something more than the pain you been looking at all this time. It just really looks cool, like friendships where you know the people are complete fuck ups in their lives but when you are around them you have a good time and many memories to look back on.
Wish I could of done that..
I lost track of what I was going to say.
Straylight Run- Its for the Best, really good lyrics and song. "As young as I was..I felt older back then. More disciplined..stronger and certain.." "And now faith is replace, with a logic so cold. I disregarded what I was, now that Im older...and I know much more than I did back then. But the more I learn..the more I can't understand.." "We're moving forward, but holding ourselves back and we're waiting on, something that will never come."
I think I should finish, almost 3 and I just got home..
Parents wont be happy.
I barely stabbed the surface...I'll write more tommorrow, maybe about something more interesting
Like the free food
yeah