i feel sick to my stomache.
this is going to be a vent, since this is my journal. either stop reading now, or prepare your self.
it's all come down now. it took me crashing to complete zero to realize a lot of things. i'm not happy with my life one bit. i don't like my car, i don't like living in my apartment with my mother. i don't like some of my friend situations &i don't like my school situation. once this semester ends, the next one starts 9 days later. my mom wants me to take psych201 m&w 5-945. &idk if i'm mentally ready to go through 7 weeks of hard ass fucking work. i want a break. if i take this class, my summer is only one month &a half long. i want to get away. i want to make money. i want to get my own apartment with my best friend &become somewhat independant. i'm trying to talk to her about me getting an apartment. she doesn't want anything to do with it. if i can make enough money, why can't you support it? you can't hold onto me living in your house forever. i'm looking to regain some of the friendships i lost. i want to make peace with caitlin, brad, rachel &any body else i'm growing apart from. brad's too busy with hisl girlfriend all the time, which is difficult. but he's happy. but, i used to have some body by my side at all times. my wingman! &i lost him to a girl when he said he wouldn't let that happen. caitlin &me had a dumb argument which i completely regret. but, i know she won't talk to me. so, i'm unsure of what to do. with rachel, things have just been different. she's busy with her other friends, along with phil &pat. it's hard to talk to her anymore. i don't know what to say to her. i used to cherrish that relationship with her. &now it's gone.
i'm all stressed out. i don't want to talk to anybody, see anybody or do anything. i feel sick, i have pneumonia. i'm using an inhaler to keep my breathing regular. i have an "infultrated left lung." i have to take pills upon pills. i'm sick of feeling like crap. &i'm sick of letting my life spiral down hill.
i want my own apartment with my best friend tyler. i want to make my own decisions about schooling, considering i'm the one allowing myself to get financial aid for school. i want to go to work &make money for my self. i want to control who i talk to &how well my friendships are. i just want to be happy.
as well as have a significant other in my life. there's somebody that has caught my eye &she's done a damn good job at it. but, she's so active with sports it's hard to see her. she goes to crestwood, she does track, cheer, softball, gymnastics &many other things. i love how she's active, but i'd love to spend time with her. i just want to hold her. i just want another half to complete myself. i want to devote my love to a female. &i think me &her would make a great whole.
this is a long ass update &there's so much more i could say. i don't even want to begin with my brother or my family now. that's a whole another 6 pages long.
i don't know. some body help me. because i'm doing a bad job at helping myself.
it's all come down now. it took me crashing to complete zero to realize a lot of things. i'm not happy with my life one bit. i don't like my car, i don't like living in my apartment with my mother. i don't like some of my friend situations &i don't like my school situation. once this semester ends, the next one starts 9 days later. my mom wants me to take psych201 m&w 5-945. &idk if i'm mentally ready to go through 7 weeks of hard ass fucking work. i want a break. if i take this class, my summer is only one month &a half long. i want to get away. i want to make money. i want to get my own apartment with my best friend &become somewhat independant. i'm trying to talk to her about me getting an apartment. she doesn't want anything to do with it. if i can make enough money, why can't you support it? you can't hold onto me living in your house forever. i'm looking to regain some of the friendships i lost. i want to make peace with caitlin, brad, rachel &any body else i'm growing apart from. brad's too busy with hisl girlfriend all the time, which is difficult. but he's happy. but, i used to have some body by my side at all times. my wingman! &i lost him to a girl when he said he wouldn't let that happen. caitlin &me had a dumb argument which i completely regret. but, i know she won't talk to me. so, i'm unsure of what to do. with rachel, things have just been different. she's busy with her other friends, along with phil &pat. it's hard to talk to her anymore. i don't know what to say to her. i used to cherrish that relationship with her. &now it's gone.
i'm all stressed out. i don't want to talk to anybody, see anybody or do anything. i feel sick, i have pneumonia. i'm using an inhaler to keep my breathing regular. i have an "infultrated left lung." i have to take pills upon pills. i'm sick of feeling like crap. &i'm sick of letting my life spiral down hill.
i want my own apartment with my best friend tyler. i want to make my own decisions about schooling, considering i'm the one allowing myself to get financial aid for school. i want to go to work &make money for my self. i want to control who i talk to &how well my friendships are. i just want to be happy.
as well as have a significant other in my life. there's somebody that has caught my eye &she's done a damn good job at it. but, she's so active with sports it's hard to see her. she goes to crestwood, she does track, cheer, softball, gymnastics &many other things. i love how she's active, but i'd love to spend time with her. i just want to hold her. i just want another half to complete myself. i want to devote my love to a female. &i think me &her would make a great whole.
this is a long ass update &there's so much more i could say. i don't even want to begin with my brother or my family now. that's a whole another 6 pages long.
i don't know. some body help me. because i'm doing a bad job at helping myself.