(no subject)
I mean woah!
Recently, things have been a little more than just weird.
I don't know how to phrase any of this properly, I'm just gonna type, and its gonna come out, so dont expect any logic, I just need to spill....
Mark.....
After Reel Big Fish I just ignored him. I couldn't be arsed to deal with him, I just walked away with Ellie...
When I saw him, I just kinda realised, I never felt anything for him, not really. Yeah, I thought I was in love with him. I wasn't. I was stupid, so I apologise to all those people that helped make me see sense, but that I bitched at, especially Mike.
I've realised recenty that something has changed inside of me lately, since it all ended with Mark. I have so much confidence. I've started appreciating myself. I think being with Luke also helped. See, as well as me feeling so confident, and viewing myself as a strong confident person, Luke has helped back me up. He's been so ace to me lately. It's just thelittle things he does, stuff that shouldnt matter, but does. like him initiating texting, him kissing me, not the other way around all the time, him brushing my hair out of my face, telling me I'm beautiful, sitting in the rain with me to make sure I got on a bus home OK, nibbling my nose, calling me his pumpkin pie princess, telling me how he misses me. I dunno, I just don't think I've ever been this confident and smiley, and I see him so much too.
Sitting in his room lastnight, just cuddled up drinking Carling and watching TV, and I just started provoking him, being a general bitch, just wanting him to hit me. H dragged me around by my hair, and even flipped a coin to decide whether or not to smash my head through a wall. It was fun. He got so violent, and today he was slapping me, but the best part of it was, when it was all over, he just came out of it, and cuddled me, and kissed my neck and told me how pretty I was. i like that. I like that he can fulfill my fantasies of being beaten, but it doesnt change stuff between us, and it doesnt change our feelings. I really like that. i'm all achey at the mo, but its ok. :)
Recently, things have been a little more than just weird.
I don't know how to phrase any of this properly, I'm just gonna type, and its gonna come out, so dont expect any logic, I just need to spill....
Mark.....
After Reel Big Fish I just ignored him. I couldn't be arsed to deal with him, I just walked away with Ellie...
When I saw him, I just kinda realised, I never felt anything for him, not really. Yeah, I thought I was in love with him. I wasn't. I was stupid, so I apologise to all those people that helped make me see sense, but that I bitched at, especially Mike.
I've realised recenty that something has changed inside of me lately, since it all ended with Mark. I have so much confidence. I've started appreciating myself. I think being with Luke also helped. See, as well as me feeling so confident, and viewing myself as a strong confident person, Luke has helped back me up. He's been so ace to me lately. It's just thelittle things he does, stuff that shouldnt matter, but does. like him initiating texting, him kissing me, not the other way around all the time, him brushing my hair out of my face, telling me I'm beautiful, sitting in the rain with me to make sure I got on a bus home OK, nibbling my nose, calling me his pumpkin pie princess, telling me how he misses me. I dunno, I just don't think I've ever been this confident and smiley, and I see him so much too.
Sitting in his room lastnight, just cuddled up drinking Carling and watching TV, and I just started provoking him, being a general bitch, just wanting him to hit me. H dragged me around by my hair, and even flipped a coin to decide whether or not to smash my head through a wall. It was fun. He got so violent, and today he was slapping me, but the best part of it was, when it was all over, he just came out of it, and cuddled me, and kissed my neck and told me how pretty I was. i like that. I like that he can fulfill my fantasies of being beaten, but it doesnt change stuff between us, and it doesnt change our feelings. I really like that. i'm all achey at the mo, but its ok. :)