MEME RESULTS
Greg House and Irvine Kinneas accidentally a baby together but they don't want it. Celes Chere and Rosa adopt it. The baby is Edge. WHAT HAPPEN.
Well, in all actuality, House and Irvine would make a baby much like Edge: woman-loving, snarkified, sexy-as-hell bastard who's talented and/but knows it. The question is, when do they give the baby up? If Celes and Rosa get the poor thing early in his life, they'll be able to beat LOVE and WHITE MAGIC the irritating out of him, and Edge will grow up to be a nice young man. If they don't get him until he's older, my bet is that Celes smothers him in his sleep.
Rydia, Balthier, Spencer Reid and Rinoa Heartilly have a foursome. Who bottoms to everyone and which of the other 11 characters is THAT GUY in all their photos?
Reid bottoms to everyone because that's just how it is. Although sorry, Rydia/Balthier has just become a BRAND NEW FAVORITE PAIRING... it's like Rydia/Edge only with more annoying formal language! And I will tell you this: THAT GUY is actually one of the characters; who else can I pick? (Laguna also likes to photobomb, though)
Quistis Trepe sees a wild Laguna Loire across the room and is filled with lust. What is Quistis's mating call?
Quisty's mating call is professionalism and embarrassment. It's why she doesn't get laid very often.
Four drinks later, though, Laguna wins!
Zeromus and Reno get secret tattoos together. WHAT and WHERE?
IF I DIDN'T HAVE A FAVORITE ZEROMUS PAIRING, I DO NOW.
Zeromus and Reno would totally get naked ladies on their biceps, but then they'd wake up the next morning like "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat happen" and it wouldn't be until two weeks later that Reno finds the tiny tiny pixellated Zeromus tat on his left ass cheek. Zeromus has been snerking about it for daaaaaays, man.
Celes Chere plays "shag, cliff, marry" with Edge, House, and Spencer Reid. Give detailed explanations for each decision.
SIGH.
Both Edge and House go off the cliff, because Celes has no tolerance for their bullshit, although it's unfortunate because either one would have made a great counterpart -- she just couldn't get past the sass. She shacks up with Spencer Reid and they end up having deep philosophical discussions. Also Celes buys him a cooler gun.
What had Derek Morgan done to earn THAT GUY's undying hatred, and how would he be avenged?
Well!
Derek Morgan is the hottest man in the universe. THAT GUY is, well... That Guy. Obviously Derek has more ladies (and men) than THAT GUY will ever have. Also Derek is invited to our impromptu bar makeout parties and THAT GUY is (was) not. Derek needs no vengeance; THAT GUY is doomed to a lifetime of watching hot chicks in corsets make out at bars where he's not invited. Life is okay!
Quistis, Reno, and Irvine are stranded on a desert island. What do Rydia and Laguna find when they finally find them five years later?
The best fanfic in the universe.
The first half would be just like that Bud Light commercial with the plane crash where the lady rewires the innards of the plane to radio for help but all anybody cares about is that they found a beverage cart full of beer? Reno and Irvine would be all "Sweet, free beach vacation" and they'd, like, steal Quisty's underwear so she has to go around building shit in a bikini -- which is what she'd be doing, building huts and roofing them with, like, leaves and sticks, trying to slather Irvine and Reno with sunscreen and using a rig of umbrellas and buckets to create fresh water that Reno just chugs the next morning cause he's hungover.
The second half would feature Rydia and Laguna as possibly the best duo ever, on a mission to explore the world, possibly fighting crime because can you even imagine. By the time they find the island one of two things have happened. Either Reno and Irvine have become both passionate lovers and Island Queen Quistis' devoted servants, or... nope, that's really the only possibility. Rydia and Laguna decide to live with them for a year. Laguna then writes his best-selling novel, Island Life, and retires to draw terrible comics for Timber Maniacs. Rydia stays. Quistis needs the help.
Rydia, Rosa, and Balthier decide to open a restaurant together. Who does what and what kind of food to they serve?
They open a delicious tapas place, at which they serve samples of things from around the world. Balthier, as the traveler, is the inspiration for the food -- they call him head chef, but he seems to do more talking and eating than actual cooking. Rosa is the bartender. Rydia is the manager who keeps all the other people in line.
Derek Morgan and Irvine Kinneas are buying a canoe. Who is more likely to do the work of paddling?
Derek would, because he's a super smoking hot badass and is tough like that. Irvine would try, but eventually he'd end up distracted by something. He'd end up reclined with his head in Derek's lap telling fanciful stories, cause this is my fanfic, dammit.
Reno, Spencer Reid, and Edge are piss-drunk with cake up on the ceiling. What does Quistis Trepe do when they enter the scene?
Reno and Edge are both the types to throw cake up on the ceiling, fo sho. Reid is nearly unconscious in the background rambling about how Reno and Edge are some kind of manic something or another. Quistis comes home, yells "THIS IS A HOUSE!!!", and makes Reno and Edge do another thirty shots. They then clean the ceiling the next day while hungover as punishment while Quistis plays Legend of Zelda.
Spencer Reid dies in a freak taffy-pulling accident. What does Irvine Kinneas say at the funeral?
First, that he's sorry to have ruined the taffy that way. Second, that he wants Reid's gun, because it is so nerdy it's sexy again.
You have just learned that you are adopted and that Edge and Derek Morgan are your birth parents. What do they get you for Christmas?
Edge probably gives me taffy. Derek Morgan gives me nothing because I refuse to acknowledge him as my dad cause you can't have sex with your dad.
Balthier has succeeded in conquering the world and offers to make you queen, to rule malevolently at his/her/its side. How do you spend your honeymoon?
Stealing Balthier's ship and leaving him pantsless and hungover on the desert island with Quistis, Reno, and Irvine.
Who would you ship me with, Zeromus, Spencer Reid, or THAT GUY?
HOW CAN I NOT CHOOSE ZEROMUS? COME ON, MAN. I refuse to ship you/THAT GUY. Mainly because THAT GUY is a creeper.
Which one would be more likely to fall in love with me - Zeromus, Edge, Balthier, Celes, or Rinoa?
Edge and Balthier would make you think they might, but they'd only piss you off. Celes would have none of that. You'd be happy with Rinoa, though; she makes very pretty arm candy. In the end, you win Zeromus' heart and go to Fiji on your honeymoon!
If Edge, Quistis, Balthier, THAT GUY, Rinoa start a band, what would it be called and who would play which instruments?
There would be a constant ongoing battle over the band name. Balthier wants to call it The Strahls, Edge thinks it should be called Sit on my Penis, and THAT GUY is too busy watching Rinoa and Quistis make out to make any suggestions. In the end they call themselves The Suck Band which works on a couple different levels.
Quistis is the drummer, and Balthier is the bass player. Edge sings and plays lead guitar, Rinoa sings and plays keys. THAT GUY just kind of skeeves around in the background and sometimes plays a fucking tamborine or something. We've all seen THAT GUY at a show, you know it.