another disappointing day

[first_of_four08]

so i got a call this morning, but i was so tired that i didnt talk. now i regret that because james still hasnt called me back. but whatever, its not like i care, right? im trying not to care, or at least come off like nothings a big deal. i get to hang out with scott tonight. that will definatly be the highlight of my day. finally, ill get to relax and not worry about saying the wrong thing or having a million things to do. il probably work on my math homework and my organic chemistry and then play some volleyball. i just want to forget about everything right now.. theres too much stress. i looked at these problem sets i have to do for chemistry for our test and its so long and i dont think i know how to do half of it. geez. anyway, im on my lunch break but i dont have anything to eat because 30min is not enough time to make it to the MU to get food and besides, I dont really have any money. I owe my mom 316 for a plane ticket and right now I only have like 80 of that. hopefully my next paycheck will help out, but im going to have to use the whole thing to pay it off. sigh. i just want to crwl under a rock. no one will help me, and everyone wants me to be perfect for them. people just keep taking from me, and its gone on for so long that i dont know how to react when someone does something nice for me. i need someone to tell me im beautiful, not that they "want me". im just not getting that kind of fulfillment and i dont know how much longer i can last without anyone caring.
this life is hard. but its ok, because God will always love me.