(no subject)
my my, look at the time. i havent been to bed in 3 days. i'm fucking wired. i need drugs, and i need them right now. right this second i'm itching to slide a needle into my vien or to snort a line, or a couple, or more than a couple. i could take it. i want to. i want to badly. i need to. i'm shaking and it's hard to breathe. i'm out. i sold my last bit lastnight and i can't get more until at least noon. i'm going to go to my shop soon, maybe i'll run into a dear old friend on the way. i'll pay him. i'd suck cock for a hit right now and it's sad, but what do you do. my friend tracey was here a couple days ago and i was high as a mother fucker. i hshot up right in front of her, and i didn't care. normally i'm conservative, i don't like people to know, but lately my grandmother could be sitting at the table with me and i'd shoot up or ask to borrow her credit card to make a line. tracey watched me pull out a bag and lay out 3 perfectly straight lines on the table. she watched me wide eyed as within less than a minute, they were all gone. boom boom boom. and immediately afterwards, laying out just one more. she watched me lean back in the chair and sigh as if a great weight had been lefted off my shoulders. i didn't know you were an addict she said quietly. at this point. i stare at her blankly. where the FUCK have you been the last 3 years of my life? i've only known her for 3 years, and the only reason i bothered to introduce myself to her was because i wanted to get laid. we fucked, a few times, and now she's getting married. once the rush hit me i staggered into the living room. she started telling me about her wedding, and how perfect it was going to be. i laughed in her face and started on one of my rants.
i told her how fucked up and stupid she was for planning her life out, throwing away her freedom for a boyfriend like that. i told her about him going to strip clubs almost every weekend and shoving dollars down fake sluts g-strings. she stares, and laughs off the awkardness. she says that he's not married yet, so he can continue. i like to make people feel enlightened. as fucked as i was, and as much as i like to be honest, i couldn't bring myself to tell her about him paying a hooker to give him head and ride his cock in the front seat of their new car less than a week ago. how do i know? i know the hooker, i sell to her every saturday morning at 11am like clockwork. i could set my watch by her. i don't believe in empathy, as soon as she left, i kicked my own ass for not being honest.
i told her how fucked up and stupid she was for planning her life out, throwing away her freedom for a boyfriend like that. i told her about him going to strip clubs almost every weekend and shoving dollars down fake sluts g-strings. she stares, and laughs off the awkardness. she says that he's not married yet, so he can continue. i like to make people feel enlightened. as fucked as i was, and as much as i like to be honest, i couldn't bring myself to tell her about him paying a hooker to give him head and ride his cock in the front seat of their new car less than a week ago. how do i know? i know the hooker, i sell to her every saturday morning at 11am like clockwork. i could set my watch by her. i don't believe in empathy, as soon as she left, i kicked my own ass for not being honest.