(no subject)
i'm still not dead, literally
but i sure as hell am technically.
i haven't seen sunshine in over a week, it hurts my eyes and makes me feel like i'm blind. i ate today, first time in 2 days, how long can a person go without food? i serioulsy, honest to whatever thing i have left to believe in, that when i shoot up and space out for days at a time, i die. my heart stops beating for that time. when i get like that, it all feels so surreal. i can't even move. i'm awake, but not really, everything looks hazy and blurry, it's impossible to focus. i forget to breathe. i haven't slept in 2 days either, how long can a person go without sleeping? i'm so tired, but i'm afraid to sleep. i've only been scared of one other thing up until now, and that was love. i have begun to believe a long time ago, years and years ago, that i am a machine. i do not feel emotion, i can pawn things off with no remorse, no feeling at all, and i have. i have done dispicable things in my life, things i would gone to jail for...life in prison or lethal injection.
lethal injection...there's irony, it wouldn't really be any different from the needles i stick in my viens now would it?
but i sure as hell am technically.
i haven't seen sunshine in over a week, it hurts my eyes and makes me feel like i'm blind. i ate today, first time in 2 days, how long can a person go without food? i serioulsy, honest to whatever thing i have left to believe in, that when i shoot up and space out for days at a time, i die. my heart stops beating for that time. when i get like that, it all feels so surreal. i can't even move. i'm awake, but not really, everything looks hazy and blurry, it's impossible to focus. i forget to breathe. i haven't slept in 2 days either, how long can a person go without sleeping? i'm so tired, but i'm afraid to sleep. i've only been scared of one other thing up until now, and that was love. i have begun to believe a long time ago, years and years ago, that i am a machine. i do not feel emotion, i can pawn things off with no remorse, no feeling at all, and i have. i have done dispicable things in my life, things i would gone to jail for...life in prison or lethal injection.
lethal injection...there's irony, it wouldn't really be any different from the needles i stick in my viens now would it?