a mixed bag of thoughts

Dec 10, 2014 17:34

A second person has come to me with information that a specific person is frightened of me.

The first person who told me, we'll call them Sue, put the responsibility on me to heal that relationship. When I said that I'd shared with a mutual friend that I was open to the person coming to me, Sue said that it was my duty to approach the person myself. I disagree.

The second person who told me, we'll call Craig, at least owned that it's projection of guilt, and that I wasn't in any way responsible for them dealing with their shit. I agree with Craig. I'm not sure why he told me, though. Perhaps because he thinks that though I don't need to, I'd want to. I don't.

I wanted to collect my thoughts on it, though, in case it ever comes up (the person approaches me).

My perspective of the situation:
- This person legitimately did things which hurt me, some of which were passive, and some of which were active. As much as if someone punched me. I don't precisely find "fault" or "blame" in this, I just view it as a statement of fact.
- This person also hurt me in ways that I admit have to do with my own perception, and I've owned those for my own purposes.
- I don't feel any need to engage them about those.
- This person hurt my child, and when I came to them to try to tell them that, their behaviour didn't change.
- I've more or less moved on with no expectation of an expression of remorse or regret. It's not something I have any need for any longer.
(- I did at one time, and I allowed that need to propagate behaviour from myself that I felt didn't exist well with who I see myself as, nor who I want to be, so I've addressed that.)
- An expression of remorse or regret would have to come with reparative action.
- Unless and until that happens, I'm not interested in having any kind of relationship with them outside of my being a decent human being who is capable of being civil and respectful as is appropriate to both operating within the same community.
- In truth, I was hurt as much as I was because I loved them, and I strongly suspect, because that is my nature, that I still do love them.
- I periodically experience huge urges to tell them how much they had meant to me, but I recognise that this would serve no functional purpose at this point as it's no longer true; regardless of if I still love them (fsvo love) I no longer respect them.
- I'd respect them more if they did take reparative action, and apologised, though. My respect would, honestly, be unfuckingparaelled, because that's a huge thing. I'd reevaluate the above if this happened. But I've no attachment to it happening.
- I have no ill will for nor toward them.
- Whilst I personally think they're unlikely to do well without examination of their behaviour, I do legitimately hope that they experience a great deal of joy and growth in their life.
- Over there.
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