(no subject)
Title: Over Time
Chapter: Eight
Author: firiel77
Word Count: 9878
Warnings: WIP, angst fest, schmoop, misunderstandings, regrets, men being silly and uncommunicative.
Rating:NC17 for the most part.
Fandom Hockey RPS
Pairings: Sidney Crosby/Alexander Ovechkin
Summary:Set in the future. Covers a few years as their NHL careers are winding down. Sid's having a hard time deciding what he wants. Ovie knows what he wants. He just doesn’t know how to get it. And so it goes.
Beta: Unbeta’d. Sorry. If anyone is interested let me know.
Disclaimer: It’s fan fiction people.
Feedback: Sure. Let me know what’s working for you.
Authors Notes: Warning. I’ve read a grand total of one fic in this fandom but I LOVED IT and I wanted to give writing a shot. Bare with me if I get things wrong. I’m not really familiar with the canon. I’m just hoping that if I set it far enough in the future that no one will notice I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. Yes, I’m totally making shit up. Hope it flies
You may also have noticed that I've had to revamp my summary from the first few chapters. This fic is taking on a life of its own.
Previous Chapters can be found here.
The last few weeks of Sid’s season end with a whimper. Mario gets wind of his appearance in the hotel lounge after the game with drugs on board. He calls Sid in for a meeting and gives him a lecture about the dangers of substance abuse. Sid assures him there’s nothing to worry about. He promises not to do it again.
He has to admit that going out in that condition wasn’t his best idea ever. Telling Mario that Geno insisted he come sounds weak even to Sid, especially when Mario rolls his eyes at the notion that Sid’s letting Malkin do his thinking for him. No one is used to Sid behaving so irresponsibly and they don’t know what to make of it.
Sid promises Mario he’ll set a better example but his back is still bothering his so he can’t lead on the ice. He’s on game to game status. He’s not the only one missing from the team. Several others have nagging injuries and a couple have had to miss games. When Geno takes a slap shot above the glove that breaks his wrist and has to miss the rest of the season it’s the last straw.
The remnants of the team try to rally during the last few games but it’s too little too late. They’re missing too many key personnel and there’s too much ground to make up. The Penguins finish out of the playoffs for the first time in years. Sid’s not used to his season ending in April. He’s got too much time on his hands and finds himself at loose ends.
The Capitals finish the season like they started, at the top of the standings. They have the best record in the league and win the Presidents’ Trophy. They are the odds on favourite to win the Stanley Cup. Sid watches as they steamroll over Tampa Bay in the opening round in four games. Alex scores six goals and assists on seven more. After the series Sid calls him. He wants to congratulate him but even more he misses him.....a lot.
To Sid’s relief Alex answers immediately with a cheerful, “Hey, Sid!”
He wasn’t sure if the Caps would be back to DC but they must have flown home immediately after the last game. It’s pretty late but Sid figures Alex is like himself, too keyed up after a big win to sleep. He’s banked that the other man will still be up. Sid smiles when he hears the familiar voice.
Alex sounds tired but jubilant. “Great game,” Sid tells him. “You guys were amazing.” He means every word of it.
The Caps are playing a kind of fast, freewheeling style of hockey Sid’s always admired. They have that enviable combination of wily veterans and madly talented newcomers that make them a force to be reckoned with. The Caps have the swagger of a winning team and the boost in confidence has elevating their play even more. They’ve had some canny draft picks over the last few years and Alex is at the top of his game. More than that, he seems to have grown into the leadership role he was meant for.
“Thanks, Sid,” Alex tells him. “Too bad you’re done. Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Sid tells him even though it really isn’t. But he doesn’t want to whine about it and bring down the other man. “So what are you up too?”
Alex laughs. “Get rest of night off. Then practise, practise, practise. Have few days before next series.”
Sid nods. He’s been following along. He knows the Caps will be playing the winner of the LA - Colorado series which is tied at 2 - 2. “So who do you think you’ll be playing?”
“Don’t know. Doesn’t matter. We’ll be ready.” he tells Sid. Sid knows he’s probably right.
After the obligatory pleasantries Sid gets down to what’s really on his mind. “Hey, I was wondering if maybe we could, you know, meet up?”
There’s a long pause and then a sign. “I don’t know, Sid. Where you thinking?”
“I could drive down there,” Sid suggests. “Come to your place.”
This suggestion actually makes Alex laugh. “Mom and Dad here, Sid.”
“Yeah. Maybe not,” Sid agrees. He’s not sure he wants to face the Ovechkin’s again nor try to explain a conjugal visit. “Or, you know, I could get a hotel?”
“Can’t do it, Sid. Coach says everyone stay in. Is like house arrest until we go on road. Practise only.”
Sid’s getting frustrated. “You’ve got to be kidding? Who’s going to know? Or you could come here?”
Alex sounds sorry when he tells Sid, “Mom know. Dad know. I know. Sorry, Sid. This is serious business. I want cup real bad. Is my dream. Like to see you but I think maybe I do what I’m told. For team.”
Sid shuts his eyes. He knows Alex is right. If he were in that position he’d do the same thing. “Okay,” he tells him. “Just make sure you win the damn thing as fast as you can.”
“Promise,” Alex laughs. “So, what you gonna do, Sid? Go back home?”
“Yeah,” Sid tells him. “In a week or two maybe. Got a few things to take care of in Pittsburgh before I leave.”
Sid does have a few meetings booked but he doesn’t have a lot on, especially since his most pressing agenda item, getting laid, seems to be on hold for the time being. “I’ll probably watch the playoffs with the guys.”
“Make sure to cheer for Caps,” Alex laughs.
“Of course,” Sid smiles at him. “Hey, what are you doing when you get finished?”
“Um, usually stay around until after awards banquet and the go to Russia. Usual thing. Why?”
Sid swallows nervously. He’s feeling like he’s in uncharted territory here. “I was just wondering, you know, if you’d want to come up to Nova Scotia for a week or so? Usually some of the guys come up, Jordie, Tanger, um yeah....We go fishing, play golf, do stuff like that......” he trails off.
As he says it Sid is already doubting Alex will be interested. He spends most of the year in North America, away from his friends and family. He probably can’t wait to go home to Russia as soon as he can.
Alex surprises him. “Yeah. Sound like fun, Sid.” He sounds like he’s smiling. “When you thinking?”
“Um, maybe right after the awards?” Sid suggests. There’s no point in going too early. The weather doesn’t usually get good until the end of June.
“Yeah, well I haven’t booked flight yet so yeah,” Alex tells him. “We can talk after playoffs over?”
“Yeah,” Sid agrees. He doesn’t want to jinx the Caps by making plans beyond the playoff or even contemplating that they won’t be in the finals. “You’re right. You finish the season and then we’ll make some plans. Okay?”
“Thanks, Sid,” Alex tells him. The silence stretches on for a moment and then Alex coughs. “And Sid, I miss you too?”
Sid grins stupidly at his phone. It’s not the same as being able to see Alex but talking to him helps a little bit. And at least he’s got something to look forward to.
“I guess I better let you go. It must be almost past curfew,” Sid kids. He looks at his watch. It’s getting really late.
“What is curfew?”
“You know, bed check?” Sid explains.
“Oh, yeah, haha,” Alex chuckles. “Like being back at Moscow Dynamo. Lights out.” Sid can hear him yawning while he talks.
“Well, good luck in the next series,” Sid tells him.
“Thanks, Sid,” Alex tells him.
*************************
Sid, Tanger and Jordie go out to a neighbourhood pub to watch the first couple Caps - Avalanche games. It’s more fun to watch with other hockey fans. Sid dresses down in a Steelers jersey and baseball cap and they grab a corner booth. No one recognizes them, or if they do, no one says anything. Most Penguins fans are pretty laid back. They are polite and though they’ll sometimes say hi, they aren’t usually a pain.
The games are decent but Colorado is never in it. The Caps beat them 4 - 2 and then even more convincingly, 6 - 2. Alex gets another goal but where he’s really excelling is in setting up his teammates. He gets five assists in the second game. The young guys are stepping up their game and Semin scores a couple goals as well. The Avalanche’s coach doesn’t know who to match his checking line out with.
The crowd is festive despite the Penguins not being in the playoffs. They’re knowledgeable hockey fans, most of them having followed the Penguins for years. They like what they see in the Washington Capitals and approve of their fire-wagon hockey style. There aren’t a lot of Colorado fans in the bar. Everyone’s cheering for the Caps. Sid joins right in.
Jordie and Tanger are busy for the third game so Sid watches it on his own. It’s not nearly as fun and he contemplates walking down to the pub but then decides that would be kind of......lame. He says in and instead calls his Dad on Skype and the two of them watch together. Sid drinks a few beers while they watch Alex get another hat trick. The poor Avalanche eventually can’t keep him contained. It’s not as fun as watching the game with the guys but it does in a pinch.
Sid has the guys over for game four. Tanger is there, along with Jordie and Flower. Geno comes over after the first period is finished. He’s had to do an appearance for one of his charities. They order pizza and Sid has made sure he has lots of beer. The Caps come out flat and are quickly down by two. They never seem to get back on track and although Semin gets one back in the second the Colorado goalie plays a great game and they can never get another one.Everyone is kind of bummed out but they know the Caps will take the series with the next game.
Sid wants them to come back for game five but unfortunately everyone has plans already for Saturday night. Or, more likely, their spouses do. The guys would be fine with pizza and beer but the wives have put up with a long hockey season and they want their husbands back. Sid finds himself on his own for the day.
He texts Alex to wish him luck but gets no reply. Sid figures he’s with the team at morning skate but it still leaves him feeling a little down. He calls Taylor but she doesn’t answer. He tries a couple of his buddies with no luck before he tosses his phone down in irritation. For the first time in a long while he can feel an anxiety attack coming on. He finds himself pacing around the condo, putting on laundry, tidying, anything to distract himself from the free floating anxiousness he can feel starting to overwhelm him.
It’s been so long that Sid doesn’t have any Ativan around to take so he tries the breathing exercises his therapist taught him to combat the attacks years ago. He sits on the couch and shuts his eyes, willing himself to relax. It doesn’t help so he phones home and talks to his mom. She recognizes the tight, clipped tone in his voice immediately.
“Sidney, honey. Are you okay?” she asks.
“I’ve been better,” he admits, leaning back into the couch. He can feel his heart racing in his chest even though he’s forcing himself to breath slowly and deeply. “Shit, I haven’t had one of these in years.”
“I know. You’ve been doing so much better,” his mom soothes. “Are you doing your breathing?”
“Yeah,” Sid tells her. “I’m trying. It’s not helping yet though. And I don’t have anything to take.” He tries not to sound panicky when he tells her.
“You’ll be okay,” she assures him. “It’ll pass.”
Sid lets out a deep breath and shuts his eyes again. He knows this too. It just doesn’t help when he’s in the middle of one. They make him feel like he’s going to have to crawl out of his skin, that his mind is racing a million miles an hour.
He’d had a lot of these as a child and young teen; just another thing that made him a little odd and set him apart from the rest of the kids. As Sid got older he got better at managing them and they gradually decreased in frequency. But there was still the odd time when some little thing would set him off and he would be right back in the middle of it, feeling powerless and weak and out of control. He hated it. The attacks made him fell like the same frightened little boy, trying to be brave, crying in bed alone, too stubborn to wake his mom and tell her.
“So, what have you been up to?” his mom asks, switching to a new tactic, distraction. “Have you been watching the hockey? Who do you think will win?”
She knows damn well he’s been watching but Sid smiles at his mom’s attempt to make him think about something else.
“The Caps,” he tells her. “I think they’re going to do it this year.”
“Really?” his mom asks. “Not Vancouver again?”
“Nope. The Caps are really strong,” he assures her. They chat a bit more about the teams and who Sid thinks will win the awards this year. Slowly he can feel the anxiety ebbing off slightly, the shear panic not nearly so pronounced. He takes two or three more long breaths and almost sighs in relief. He realizes he’s been grinding his teeth since it started.
Trina notices he calming but doesn’t mention it. She keeps talking; asking him about his plans for the week, when he’s going to come home, what he wants to do over the summer; anything to focus him on positive things and clear his mind. Sid appreciates her effort.
When he feels like it’s completely passed he tells her, “Thanks mom.”
“Of course honey. You can phone me any time. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know. What’s dad doing? Is he going to watch the game?” Sid asks.
“He’s gone down to the cabin for the weekend to fix a few things before the summer. You could call him there?”
“No, it’s okay,” Sid tells her. He doesn’t need to watch the game with his dad. He’s a big boy. He can watch by himself.
“Well, I’ll tell him you called, Sidney,” she assures him.
“Okay, thanks mom,” Sid says. “Oh, and mom, can you maybe not tell him about this thing I had. Okay?”
“Alright dear. But Sidney, it’s not something you should feel bad about, you know that don’t you? It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You remember what Dr. McCollister said? It’s something that a lot of people deal with."
Sidney can’t help but sigh. He’s heard this lecture before. “I know mom.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed by it. It’s not like your father will think any less of you.”
“I know,” Sid tells her, trying not to be short. “I just don’t want him to worry.”
That’s part of it. They’d all been optimistic that he’d gotten past this issue but obviously not yet. If he didn’t watch it his mom would be telling him he should go back to the psychologist he’d gone to when he was a teenager. And he really didn’t want to do that.
“Alright, Sidney. So you’re okay now?” she asks.
“Yeah, I’m fine now.”
“I should go then,” Trina tells him. “I’m going out with the girls to the casino tonight and Jane will be picking me up soon. You don’t need anything else?”
“No, I’m good, mom,” Sid tells her. “I should go too. I want to go for a run before the game starts.”
“Be careful of your back,” Trina warns.
“I will, mom,” Sid smiles. “I saw the trainer this morning and he told me to try it. I’ll take it easy.”
They say their goodbyes and then Sid puts on his shorts and runners. He warms up and does some stretches, then does a steady 45 minutes, letting the exercise loosen his muscles and take away the last of the tension. It’s a cool day but he’s soaked in sweat when he gets home. He grabs a quick shower and pulls on a pair of sweat pants before he turns on the TV.
Sid discovers he’s out of beer so he cracks open a bottle of duty free vodka he’s got kicking around and pours himself a stiff vodka and cranberry juice. He’s still feeling a bit pitiful having to watch the game on his own. Sid puts up his feet and takes a sip while the familiar Hockey Night In Canada music starts up. He’s thirst so the first drink goes down fast and he makes another. By the third he’s not feeling so sorry for himself.
He’s watching the first period when the phone rings. Sid jumps up immediately to get it, thinking it’s Alex returning his call, which would be odd seeing as he’s on the ice. Sid decides he should slow down on the vodka. He gets a wave of disappointment when he sees it’s Christine calling. Unfortunately he’s already accepted the call so he’s stuck.
He tries to sound cheerful when he greets her. Christine has just got back to town and is wondering if Sid is interested in hooking up tonight. He could really care less about having sex with her but the condo still seems kind of lonely and the thought of having some company kind of appeals. He’s had just enough vodka to invite her over and she accepts immediately.
His back gives a twinge when he puts down his phone so he pops a couple muscle relaxants and a vicodin for good measure. He pours one more drink and sits back to watch the game as the familiar warm wave of euphoria rolls over him.
Christine arrives half an hour later and helps herself to some vodka. When she sees the Crosby pharmacopeia she wants in. Sid reluctantly gives her one of his vicodin and they settle in to watch the game. Sid offers to order Chinese but Christine tells him she’s already eaten. She is already giving him a hand job before the second period is over. She’s not really all that interested in hockey.
The Caps win the fifth game convincingly and take the series. Sid is elated at the outcome. Christine suggests they take the rest of the vodka and hit the bedroom and without really thinking about it Sid agrees. His cock thinks it’s a good idea anyway. They are both pretty wasted and have to help each other get up the stairs. They strip off their clothes and get down to the business at hand.
Sid knows what he wants and he uses all his new skills to induce Christine to let him fuck her in the ass. The half bottle of vodka and the vicodin probably don’t hurt but she’s won over. She even appears to enjoy most of it. For Sid it’s okay. There’s the same familiar tightness but the size is all wrong. Christine is too small, too passive, not nearly demanding enough. She just lies there and even though it actually feels pretty good it takes Sid a hell of a long time to come. When he’s done Christine is already asleep.
Sid passes out shortly afterwards. He wakes up in the middle of the night with Christine pressed against him. At first he doesn’t know where he is and it takes a minute to remember why Christine is there at all. He falls back asleep and doesn’t wake up until 10:00 the next morning. He’s not exactly thrilled to find she’s still there. Usually he’ll go to her place and then take off first thing in the morning before she wakes up. He’s not sure what to do.
He carefully crawls out of bed so he doesn’t wake her up and heads for the bathroom. He can’t get in the shower fast enough. He’s dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt, making coffee when she comes down wrapped in a sheet from his bed. In the cold light of day Christine looks less than attractive. Her hair is all over and she’s got mascara racooning around her eyes. Her usual flawlessly applied make up is a little less than that. When she walks up to Sid and gives him a quick peck on the cheek it’s all he can do not to flinch.
“Hey, baby,” she smiles. “Do you have plans today?”
“Um, yeah,” Sid tells her immediately, even though he’s not thought of them yet. “I’ve got to go for a run and then the gym. Got to get changed soon actually,” he finishes , pointedly looking at his watch.
Christine pouts a little but then shrugs. Sid has to like that about her. She’s always been a good sport.
“There’s coffee if you want some,” he tells her, trying to smooth things over a little.
“Thanks, babe,” she answers, pouring herself a cup. “Well, I guess I’ll have a shower then and get going. That was fun though.”
She gives him another quick kiss and this time he manages to respond a little bit. At least he rests his hand on her shoulder gives her a bit of a smile.
“Yeah, good to see you Christine,” he tells her. “Look, I’m going out for a run. Just make sure the door is locked when you go.”
“Sure thing. Give me a call if you’ve got some more free time. I’m in town for a couple more weeks,” she tells him.
Sid nods agreeably but he’s got no plans to see her again. He’s feeling pretty shitty about the whole thing. He doesn’t know why he did it at all. It seemed like a good idea the night before but now...not so much. The sex was alright but he’s not sure why he feels so empty.
When Christine calls him a couple days later he doesn’t answer the phone. When she calls again the next day Sid decides that maybe he’ll fly home for a week or two and see his parents. They’re a little surprised by the impromptu visit but always glad to see him. He’s glad to see them too. He’s still a bit down from the season ending so soon and feeling out of sorts. It’s good to be home.
Sid and his dad settle in to watch the Stanley Cup finals together. The Caps are playing the Vancouver Canucks, the team with the second best record after the Capitals. The Canucks are the reigning Stanley Cup champions and they’d like to repeat. The two teams have only met once during the season, a hard fought game early in the season that the Caps managed to win by a goal. The odds makers are favouring the Caps slightly but everyone is expecting a close series.
Sid’s dad favours the Canucks which Sid is quietly but fervidly cheering for the Caps. He’s reluctant to say much to his parents. He’s never been a Caps fan and he’s worried the switch will be so out of character they will see right through him. Sid knows his dad dislikes Ovechkin; he’s made no secret of it over the years. Not that he knows the guy or anything; it’s more that Alex has been Sid’s rival for so long.
The Canucks win the first two games and surprise a lot of people, including the Caps. Loungo shuts them out in the first game and the Canucks get a hard fought overtime win in the second. The games are characterized by nonstop action, end to end rushes, and brilliant goaltending.
In the third game the Canucks come out determined to win again. They quickly go up by two goals and in frustration the Caps take a bad penalty. Sid can see the Caps confidence slipping as they run into such determined opposition. When Vancouver scores on the power play Sid isn’t surprised. He’s seen the same thing happen with the Penguins far too often.
And then suddenly something changes. Alex Ovechkin comes back out on the ice and through sheer force of willpower steals the puck from Vancouver and races in on the net with a Canucks defence man hanging off of him. He manages to score despite being hauled to the ice. Five minutes later he strikes again, setting up Backy for a breakaway. The Canucks start to scramble and slowly the tide is turned. Semin scores on a power play when Vancouver takes a holding penalty and the game is even.
It’s still tied half way through the third but the Caps have the momentum back and they keep pushing. If Luongo wasn’t playing so well the Caps would be ahead by four goals. Finally, with only a couple minutes left in the game Alex gets the puck again and races in with Backy, fakes a shot and then passes across the crease to Backstrom who fires it into the open net. Sid can’t help but grin at the outcome. He’s been sitting there like a bag of nerves all game.
His dad gives him a sour look when it’s over and grouses, “Since when have you been a Caps fan?”
Sid shrugs. “Come on, Dad. You have to admit it they played a hell of a game.”
“Yup,” his dad agrees. “It was a hell of a game. I think the Canucks will get them in the next one. Too much talent on that team to be shut down much longer. The Caps got some lucky bounces.”
Sid just keeps quiet. He’s been watching Caps games all year and he knows what they can do. He’s seen them use their talent on the Penguins to devastating effect. He helps his dad paint the fence for a couple days while the teams are on a couple travel days. It’s unseasonably warm and dry in Nova Scotia this spring.
Game four starts the same way as the last. The Sedin’s come out like gangbusters and score a goal at the three minute mark. Two minutes later Vancouver is on the power play after a questionable boarding call on Backstrom. The Canucks get another one. The crowd goes wild. They believe the Canucks are making a comeback.
And then the Caps just pick it up a notch. Alex goes out on the ice and just starts back-checking like a mother fucker, going into the corners like it’s his life’s work. He forces Bieksa to cough up the puck and gets it out to Sumin at center ice. It’s a long, risky pass but right on the money. Sasha takes it in and scores a beauty over Luongo’s right shoulder.
It lifts the Caps up. They increase the tempo more; beating the Canucks to the puck, making their own chances, always pushing. Alex doesn’t hit everyone but he’s playing his familiar game and the Vancouver defence is starting to look over their shoulders when they go into the corners instead of concentrating on the puck. Sid’s never seen Alex play so well or skate so fast. He seems like he’s always on the ice. He’s on the power play and when the Caps get another penalty he’s out killing the penalty as well.
And just like the flow of the game changes something happens to Sid’s dad too. He starts to cheer for the Capitals. Sid notices for the first time while they are watching Alex rag the puck, skating around and through the Canucks while they vainly try to get the puck away from him so they can fucking try to get a power play goal, thank you very much. It’s just not happening.
Sid’s dad looks up when Alex finishes his shift and shakes his head in wonder. “I never thought I’d ever say this Sid, but that guy is fucking amazing. He’s gotten better, hasn’t he?”
Sid only nods. He’s realizing that too. Where Alex has always had the strength and the raw talent, now he’s got a wealth of NHL experience too. He’s better, fitter, but he’s also gotten a hell of a lot smarter. He’s learned to choose his moments. He knows when a goal or a big hit can change the momentum of the game and he’s still got the ability to deliver.
Sid can’t wait for game five. Troy and Trina are both there for this one. Sid stops and buys a case of beer on the way home from the gym. The three of them sit and eat take out Chinese while the national anthems are being sung. The Vancouver fans are going crazy. They’re still hoping for a second Cup.
Sid is surprised at how many Caps jerseys there are in the crowd at Rogers arena. Both teams have huge followings and word is that this game is pulling in some of the highest ratings hockey has ever seen. It’s huge; this series has been picked up all over the U.S. Ratings are through the roof.
The first ten minutes of the game are incredibly fast, both sides getting good shots on net, but are being thwarted by the goaltenders. There are no penalties and very few whistles. Suddenly the Canucks get a break. The puck hops over the stick of the Caps rookie Kuznetsov and Daniel Sudin is away on a breakaway. Mike Green and Kuznetsov both try to catch him but come up short. Score 1 - 0 for Vancouver.
Yevgeni Kuznetsov is devastated and Sid feels for the kid. It’s just a bad bounce. That’s all. It can happen to anyone, which doesn’t make it any easier when it’s you and it’s happened in the middle of a playoff game. It’s the kind of incident that can inspire a team or knock the wind out of a lesser one. The cameras follow the young player to the bench and he looks like he could cry.
Alex sits beside him and taps him on the arm by way of encouragement. The kids doesn’t even look up from where he’s staring at the floor. Sid sees Alex lean in, wrap his arm around the rookie and say something to him as the camera pans closer. He talks at length and Kuznetsov nods at what Alex Ovechkin says to him. When he looks up he seems slightly less upset. Sid feels a twinge of jealousy at the exchange although he knows Kuznetsov is decidedly straight.
Their line goes back on the ice a minute later and instead of avoiding Kuznetsov in case he’s shaken by the bad play, Alex gives him a crisp pass and sends him up the ice. Kuznetsov gets around the defence man and takes a shot which is stopped by Luongo. He doesn’t quit though, jumping on the rebound as he goes past the net and makes a blind pass back in front of the net, right on to Alex’s waiting stick. Loungo is down and doesn’t have a chance. Tie game. The kid comes off the ice looking like the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders.
Sid is stunned when his dad lets out a hoot at Alex’s goal. Apparently he’s switched teams and is now cheering for the Caps. Trina looks pretty happy too and Sid beams at both of them. He’s thrilled himself.
“That was a damn fine play,” Troy tells Sid. “Good for him.”
Ten minutes later it’s Kuznetsov’s turn to score on a slap shot from the faceoff circle, set up by Backstrom. Alex is the first over to congratulate the rookie while Mike Green scoops the puck out of the net to give the kid. It’s his first playoff goal and it couldn’t come at a better time. The period ends without any more scoring.
Sid can’t remember ever watching a better game; certainly none of the ones he’s been involved in the last few years. He also can’t believe how much of the game Alex has been on the ice. Neither can his dad. He shakes his head in disbelief when Sid comes back with another beer for everyone.
“That guy is a machine. He must have played half the period.”
“He’s got a new trainer this year,” Sid volunteers. “Talked him into losing 15 pounds. Said he didn’t need that much bulk. Alex thinks it’s made him faster. Better acceleration, you know.”
“I can believe that,” Troy nods thoughtfully. “I never really cared for his grandstanding in the past, as you know, Sid. But now I’m starting to.....” he leaves the rest unfinished.
Sid nods. “Yeah, he’s really good.”
Sid’s mom gives him a puzzled look. “I didn’t know you knew him, Sidney?”
“Um, yeah,” he tells her. “He’s a good friend of Geno’s. We hang out sometimes when the teams get together.”
Troy is surprised at that. “I thought your teams didn’t get along? You’ve had some pretty nasty games.”
Sid shrugs. It had been the case in the past but not so much now. Off the ice the two teams are on good terms. “The Russians hang out a lot,” he explains.
“Sometimes both teams get together. Mike Green is a good guy. So is Backstrom,” Sid tells them.
“What about you and Ovechkin,” Troy asks. “The media’s always built up the rivalry between you two.”
Sid feels his face begin to flush. “We get along fine.”
“What’s he like?” Trina asks curiously.
“I don’t know, mom,” Sid tells her. “Nice, I guess. Fun. But serious about hockey.”
He can’t think of much else he wants to say. “He has his parents living with him,” he finally tells her.
“Really? No wife or girlfriend?” she asks.
“No, not yet. He’s concentrating on hockey, like me.”
Sid thinks for one brief second that maybe he should tell his mom and dad what’s going on with Alex. That he should face facts and admit how he feels about the guy and how he hopes he never does find a girlfriend. If there ever was a good time it would be right now. But Sid just can’t bring himself to do it. The words stick in his throat. And then his dad belches and tells him he needs to go to the can and the moment is lost.
They watch Coach’s Corner while Don Cherry dissects the play of both teams over the last couple games. Sid has to agree with most of it even though the guy is an idiot. Sid’s surprised that he’s actually complimentary towards the Europeans. He doesn’t have much choice; they’ve been dominating the play for both teams.
The second and third periods belongs to the goal tenders. Both teams play superbly, generate numerous scoring chances, but the goalies play even better. The Caps get an empty net goal and the game ends with a 3 - 1 score. Alex is the first star for the third time in the series follow by the two goaltenders. The teams head back to Washington for the next game.
Sid’s parents are both there again for game six. It reminds him of his childhood, sitting in the same living room week after week watching Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday night. Sid’s always been crazy about hockey. He used to sit in this same room and dream about making the NHL one day and playing for the Stanley Cup. It’s the same dream a lot of Canadian kids have had.
It’s something Russian kids dream about too and the Crosby’s are watching a dream come true tonight. The Caps own the last game. They come out dominating and score the first and then second goals in front of their adoring crowd. The Canucks struggle back and score one but they don’t have the same spark they had in the previous games. The result of the game is never in doubt. The Washington Capitals win their first Stanley Cup on home ice.
It’s while he’s watching Alex skate around the rink with the cup held high, followed closely by his team mates, that Sid realizes he has tears running down his face. He brushes them away sheepishly and is relieved when neither of his parents comment. They are both glued to the screen with sappy smiles on their faces. They remember what it was like when Sid won the cup.
They watch Alex presented with the Conn Smythe in front of an adoring crowd and when Sid sees him hold the trophy up with his trade mark gap toothed smile and then let loose with his infectious laugh Sid is smiling too. He tells his parents, “He’s wanted the cup for so long,” by way of explanation and his voice is tight with emotion. Both his parents smile at him fondly.
Sid couldn’t be happier if he’s won the cup himself. Later that night he tries to call Alex’s but his phone goes directly to voicemail. He’s probably out celebrating Sid thinks and for a second he finds himself wishing he could be there too. He texts, “Congratulations,” and sends his message. As an afterthought he thumbs in “I miss you,” before thinking better of it and x-ing the words out.
Sid spends the rest of the week in Halifax and then flies back to Pittsburgh. He’s got some meetings with his agent and exit interviews with the team that he’s not looking forward to. It’s hard to justify how they played this season. Sid knows the Penguins management will be looking for answers in the upcoming weeks. He’ll be very surprised if Blysma is still the coach next season.
Sid finally gets hold of Alex and they spend half an hour talking. Sid spends a lot of the time effusing about the series with the Canucks and Alex is uncharacteristically humble about the whole thing. It’s surprises Sid a little.
He’d always thought Alex was cocky and arrogant until he got to know him and realized it wasn’t the case. A lot of the time Alex’s comments made him seem full of himself when really it was his English that was to blame. They don’t get to talk as long as Sid would like because Alex has family over from Russia and he’s got a million things going on. They promise to get together at the awards banquet and make plans for the summer after that. Sid can barely wait.
He’s at loose ends the second week back in Pittsburgh and gets a bit low. His back is still bugging him so he starts in on his vicodin and buys some more vodka. He spends a fair bit of time lying on the couch feeling sorry for himself. Christine calls him one night and offers to come over and check on him. In a weak moment he agrees. They end up fucking on the couch and then again in Sid’s room. When she hints afterwards that she’d love to go to the NHL awards in Vegas he half-heartedly agrees to take her. It’s the vodka talking.
The next morning when she texts him and says how excited she is to be going Sid curses the fact that she remembers. He’s own recollections of the previous night are pretty hazy but he knows that agreeing to let her come is just the kind of stupid thing he’s capable of doing when drunk. Fuck it.
Sid suggests a couple days later that maybe it’s not such a great idea that she come. He’s going to be really busy with appearances so he won’t be able to spend much time with her. He tries to bribe her by offering to take her somewhere else later but she’s not buying it. She wants to go to Vegas for the awards and can’t be dissuaded. Sid is too much of a wimp to flat out tell her no even though he’s not sure how he’s going to swing hooking up with Alex with her around. But he figures that where there’s a will there’s a way.
Sid’s marketing team is pleased when they hear Sid’s taking her to the awards. They are all for it. They’ve always been mildly concerned with his oddly celibate lifestyle and the inevitable speculation it generates. They’ve been quietly encouraging him to find the right girl and settle down for years so that he can better portray a wholesome image to the American market. The past season spent clubbing has not gone unnoticed. Some of his biggest sponsorships are with Disney and Family Channel and the last thing they want for a spokesperson is a playboy.
Sid and Christine fly out to Vegas together and check into Caesars’ Palace. He prays they don’t bump into Alex until he gets a chance to talk to him. He doesn’t have a clue how to explain Christine’s presence. He does have to admit that when she’s all done up like she is today, she looks like a million bucks. She fits right in with the Vegas crowd; a lot more than Sid does.
Sid suggests that maybe she see a show the first night instead of coming to the meet and greet. He tells her it will be really boring but she’ll have none of it. She’s brought all her dressy clothes and she’s not missing a thing. The get changed and go downstairs and she sticks to him like glue while he mingles, like some kind of large accessory on his arm. Sid is his usual socially awkward self and doesn’t even introduce her until people ask him who she is.
They bump into Geno half an hour in and Sid’s teammate does a double take when he sees Christine. His eyebrows disappear into his hairline and he glances nervously around the room after he greets them. Sid realizes again that bringing Christine along is a really bad idea despite the fact that she’s getting a lot of admiring glances from the men in the room.
Sid is getting more and more nervous so he excuses himself for a moment, goes to the men’s room, and drops a vicodin. He grabs a couple martini’s on the way back, intending to give one to Christine. But his goes down so good he ends up finishing it and has hers half gone when he finds her. She gives him a sour, where the hell is mine? look so he polishes off the second one and goes to get two more. He’s feeling a little more relaxed by then.
Christine is in her element with this crowd. She’s grown up rich, modeled for a living, and is used to these sort of social functions. She’s a beautiful girl and chats easily with everyone they meet. It gives Sid a bit of a break in that he doesn’t have to lead the conversation. He can stand around like the dork he is and only join the conversation when he’s drawn in. It’s a good thing because he’s well on his way to being shit faced drunk. He doesn’t see Alex until half way through the night.
Christine gets flirtier after a couple more martini’s and leads Sid from the crowd to a more private area. Sid’s not sure if it’s the alcohol, the red dress she’s wearing or all the men admiring his hot date but when she reaches up to kiss him he responds enthusiastically, Alex temporarily forgotten. She really is a smarter choice than Alex, Sid tells himself. She’s pretty and outgoing and........she’s a woman.
They begin to make out, oblivious to anyone else around. And suddenly it’s all wrong. The body he’s touching is too delicate, the pressure against him too light and there isn’t enough surface for his hands to explore. Her touch is too gentle, her kiss too soft, her scent too flowery and the little sighs she makes are far too feminine. Sid realizes a minute in that it’s wrong because she isn’t a man and more specifically she isn’t Alex.
Sid pulls back and ends the kiss. He needs to find Alex before he does anything else stupid. He’s just pushing her away when he notices the two of them have an audience. When Sid sees its Sumin and Alex watching them carefully his stomach drops. Christine smiles at them and wraps her arm further around Sid’s waist and he wants to tear it away. He doesn’t want Alex to see this. Sid wants to grab the other man’s hand, drag him off and somehow explain the situation but instead he stands as if paralyzed.
Christine giggles nervously and greets the two men but neither responds. Sumin is staring at Sid like he’s something odious he’s picked up on the bottom of his shoe. It’s pretty much how Sid is feeling. Alex wheels away and strides across the room followed by Sumin. Sid stares blindly in front of him, not even capable of hoping Christine doesn’t find his behaviour strange. He can’t focus or think about anything but the look in Alex’s eyes.
It had only been fleeting because the other man had turned away so quickly but Sid had recognized the look easily. It had been hurt. The short flash of emotion he had seen. There was no mistaking it for anger, confusion or anything else. There’s no doubt Sid has hurt Alex. He’s hurt him badly and the realization makes Sid feel sick to his stomach.
Christine takes Sid’s hand and he pulls it from her grasp. He needs to talk to Alex. Christine makes a surprised sound but Sid ignores her and walks away, looking through the crowd. Sid finds Alex with Sumin and Greenie surrounded by a group of journalists. When the group see him approaching Alex teammates look ready to beat the crap out of Sid despite there being an audience. Alex says a quiet word and the two of them stand down.
It makes Sid slightly hopeful but when he looks at Alex’s face it contains no emotion at all. It’s a mask. Sid has no idea where to start, what to do so he just approaches the group and stands just outside their periphery. Sid swallows nervously. All the journalists have turned to look at him now too.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asks Alex politely, feeling his heartbeat drumming in his chest.
We busy, Crosby,” Sumin tells him coldly. Sid ignores him and instead looks to Alex for an answer.
Alex just looks around the group and shrugs before looking at him neutrally. He’s not giving Sid much.
“I mean, somewhere else,” Sid elaborates. Sid gestures towards the exit, “Can we go outside or something?”
Alex’s eyes narrow, “Nothing wrong with here.”
Sid’s met with only silence after that and the moment stretches on. He becomes aware that even more people are watching them curiously and it filters through the martini’s that he probably shouldn’t make a scene.
He swallows and looks Alex in the eye and says, “Just, please?”
Alex finally drops his eyes and just nods. He follows Sid when he walks to the side of the room. Sid’s makes sure to go in the opposite direction to where Christine last was. He finds an alcove they can stand in and be unobserved by the rest of the room. He puts his hand on Alex’s arm, craving contact with the other man and feels him flinch. When Alex tries to pull away Sid hangs on, determined to provoke any emotional reaction he can rather than have to deal with this coldness.
Sid finally lets go and the two men regard each other silently. He deliberates how to start the conversation, half hoping Alex will say something first, but he doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to. He just watches Sid quietly and all Sid can think is that he wants to walk into Alex, run his hands over his body, lean against him and feel Alex’s arms surround him. He knows that isn’t even a remote option. There are too many things to say and although they stand only feet apart it feels like a football field.
Sid runs his hand nervously through his hair. “I’m really sorry. It isn’t what it looked like. She’s not....”
“No?” Ovechkin stares at him unemotionally.
“Yeah. She actually kissed me....” It’s pathetic and Sid knows it. Alex calls him on it immediately.
“Could see you fighting her off,” he states coldly.
“Listen, I know what it looked like, okay? But she’s not what I want,” Sid finally blurts out.
Sid sighs before continuing in a lower voice, “I’d rather be with you...” he trails off and Alex looks at him as if he doesn’t believe a word of it which makes Sid insist, “She wanted to come to Las Vegas and I said okay. I tried to talk her out of it after but.....I know it was stupid, okay? I’ve said I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head; there is no way to explain it and no satisfactory excuse. He’s totally screwed everything up. He knows it was a bad idea to bring Christine but he can’t undo it now.
“If you want to be with me, why are you sticking your tongue down her throat? Why do you bring girl at all?” Alex asks angrily.
Sid shrugs and looks away. He’s a little relieved to see Alex switch from cold indifference to anger, though he doesn’t feel overly comfortable with it either.
“She wanted to come,” Sid explains lamely. “So I let her. But it doesn’t matter with us. We can still....” he trails off.
“You go out with her?”
“Not really. I mean, sort of....Sometimes,” he fumbles.
“But you fuck her?” Alex demands.
Sid can’t think of anything to say and Alex takes his silence as a yes. He’s looking at Sid with a tight lipped sadness than makes Sid want to cry. There is no way he can articulate the difference between what he feels about Christine and what he feels about Alex so he just looks at the floor.
Alex finally just sighs and shakes his head. “Go back to your girlfriend, Sidney. Not polite to just leave her like that,” he tells him. He turns away and Sid instinctively grabs for his arm again. Alex turns back towards him and gives him one more pitying look before he shrugs him off.
“Do svidaniya, Sidney,” Alex tells him and then walks back into the crowd.
Sid watches him go and when he disappears within a group Sid goes to find Christine. He tells her he’s going back to the room. She takes one look at the expression on his face and doesn’t protest. There really isn’t anything or anyone to stay around for.
*************************
The following night Sid sits with Christine while Alex accepts award after award, each time thanking his team mates and family for their support. Sid goes home empty handed for the first time in years. He drinks more than he should again that night and when he fucks Christine he insists that that she get on her hands and knees. He fucks her hard and the next morning she’s covered in bruises and will barely talk to him. She was already angry about last night and this is the last straw.
Sid is more miserable than he’s ever been in his life. He flies home the next day and over the next couple weeks he tries phoning Alex several times. He never answers his cell. Sid leaves messages but the Alex never returns his calls.
Sid tries calling Geno and can’t reach him either. What the hell is with these Russians? In desperation he calls Alex Sumin and is relieved when he picks up the call. But as soon as Sid identifies himself he gets a hostile, “Fuck off, Crosby,” before he hangs up.
He tries Geno again the next day and finally reaches him. Malkin doesn’t sound thrilled to be hearing from Sid but at least he stays on.
“Where’s Alex?,” he demands. “I can’t get hold of him.” Sid tries not to sound frantic but he knows his emotions are showing in his voice.
Geno is guarded when he replies. “Gone home to Russia, like always,” he tells him.
“I know. But he won’t return my calls.”
“Maybe he busy,” Geno suggests neutrally.
Sid’s never talked to anyone on the team about Alex and he doesn’t really want to start now but finally he just sighs and admits, “I think I really fucked up.”
There is silence at the other end of the line for several seconds and then Sid finally hears a sigh. “Yeah, you did,” Geno agrees.
Sid is afraid he’s going to start crying and he struggles to get his emotions under control. He can feel the early beginnings of a panic attack forming. “I just don’t know...” he starts.
There is silence over the line and Sid just sits there waiting. It takes a couple minutes before Geno starts to talk again and when he does he sounds reluctant.
“Remember you ask me once about feud with Alex? What was about?” he starts.
“Yeah.”
“I never talk about this with no one. Just you. Is personal. Okay? You never tell no one, okay, Sid?”
Sid nods and then realizes Geno can’t see him so he answers, “I won’t. I promise.”
“I know Alex long time. Team mates, friends. I make big mistake when I come to NHL. I hook up with him a few times, you know, fool around. For me, I was lonely. Didn’t know people. It was fun times. But for Alex it was maybe more. I hurt him.”
Sid knows immediately that the only reason Geno would tell him this is that he knows how Sid feels about Alex, and more importantly, how Alex feels about him. He needs to know more, he needs to know everything about Alex, about his past relationships, who he’s loved, so that he knows how to fix this. Sid doesn’t know if it’s even possible but he knows he has to try.
“What happened?” Sid asks quietly.
He hears Geno laugh quietly on the other end of the line. “We all in Moscow. Out at club. Drinking, having fun. I was stupid. I hit on Alex Semin.”
He stops talking and finally Sid has to prompt, “And?”
Geno sighs, “Is why I know Semin straight. He punch me in face. Not just because straight. Because he know how much Alex like me. Say don’t deserve Alex.”
“Was that the time Alex punched your agent,” Sid asks, remembering mention of the story.
“Yeah. Was bad scene,” Geno confirms. “Shit show. Agent punch Semin. Alex punch him. Huge fight. We get out before police comes. Hope it stay out of news. Some of it did. Alex pissed off for long time. Not good. I feel terrible. Sasha right. I didn’t deserve Alex. Was fun but I like girls too. For Alex was......important.”
“But you’re friends again now?” Sid asks. “How did your work it out?” Sid is slightly comforted by the fact that Geno had been able to fuck things up as well as he can. Or maybe it is a Penguins trait? He’ll have to ask Jordie and Flower more about their love lives, he thinks.
“Not us,” Geno tells him. “I mean, I try but Alex not listen. He very .....stubborn,” Geno struggles for the right word to use. “But Kovy make us go out with him. Talk to us. Make us drink together. He say stupid Russians. Say we good friends one time. Is stupid to forget that. Tell us to make up or he kick our asses. Is what I want anyway, but Alex finally agree. Thanks god for Kovy,” Geno concludes. “Or Alex prolly kill me by now in game. Was scary have him so mad.”
He stops talking. That’s a lot of English for Geno. He's probably exhausted. Sid digests what he’s heard. He can imagine how it would be terrible to have Alex pissed off at you. He knows he's in the same boat. And he needs to fix it. The problem is that they are continents apart.
Sid admits, “I’m an idiot. I know that. He must hate me now.”
Geno sighs. “Sid, look, I like you. You.....weird sometimes, but teammate. You friend. But Alex friend too. Old friend. Don’t want to see get hurt.”
Sid blinks back tears. “I don’t want to hurt him either,” he gets out even though his throat feels thick. He hasn’t done a very good job so far. He swallows a couple times and then finally admits, “I don’t know what to do.”
There is more silence, even longer this time. “Decide what you want Sid. You want girlfriend, of you want Alex. But not both.” Geno tells him. “Is up to you. Alex have big heart. But can still break.”
“I know what I want,” Sid tells him. “But he won’t even talk to me.”
Geno thinks a minute before answering. “Give him time, Sid. He upset. And you think too. Is not easy being like Alex in NHL. Is lonely. Is......complicated. Was not for me. Easier to have girlfriend. Love him like brother but......” he leaves the rest unsaid. “So you take summer and think about things. Be sure. Okay?”
“Okay,” Sid tells him. “Look, thanks for telling me this stuff. I better go.”
“Yeah, okay Sid. “Have good summer, okay?”
“I will. You have a good summer too.”
“And keep mouth shut about what I say,” Geno warns him.
“Yeah. Don’t worry,” Sid promises. “And Geno.....Thanks.”
TBC
Chapter: Eight
Author: firiel77
Word Count: 9878
Warnings: WIP, angst fest, schmoop, misunderstandings, regrets, men being silly and uncommunicative.
Rating:NC17 for the most part.
Fandom Hockey RPS
Pairings: Sidney Crosby/Alexander Ovechkin
Summary:Set in the future. Covers a few years as their NHL careers are winding down. Sid's having a hard time deciding what he wants. Ovie knows what he wants. He just doesn’t know how to get it. And so it goes.
Beta: Unbeta’d. Sorry. If anyone is interested let me know.
Disclaimer: It’s fan fiction people.
Feedback: Sure. Let me know what’s working for you.
Authors Notes: Warning. I’ve read a grand total of one fic in this fandom but I LOVED IT and I wanted to give writing a shot. Bare with me if I get things wrong. I’m not really familiar with the canon. I’m just hoping that if I set it far enough in the future that no one will notice I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. Yes, I’m totally making shit up. Hope it flies
You may also have noticed that I've had to revamp my summary from the first few chapters. This fic is taking on a life of its own.
Previous Chapters can be found here.
The last few weeks of Sid’s season end with a whimper. Mario gets wind of his appearance in the hotel lounge after the game with drugs on board. He calls Sid in for a meeting and gives him a lecture about the dangers of substance abuse. Sid assures him there’s nothing to worry about. He promises not to do it again.
He has to admit that going out in that condition wasn’t his best idea ever. Telling Mario that Geno insisted he come sounds weak even to Sid, especially when Mario rolls his eyes at the notion that Sid’s letting Malkin do his thinking for him. No one is used to Sid behaving so irresponsibly and they don’t know what to make of it.
Sid promises Mario he’ll set a better example but his back is still bothering his so he can’t lead on the ice. He’s on game to game status. He’s not the only one missing from the team. Several others have nagging injuries and a couple have had to miss games. When Geno takes a slap shot above the glove that breaks his wrist and has to miss the rest of the season it’s the last straw.
The remnants of the team try to rally during the last few games but it’s too little too late. They’re missing too many key personnel and there’s too much ground to make up. The Penguins finish out of the playoffs for the first time in years. Sid’s not used to his season ending in April. He’s got too much time on his hands and finds himself at loose ends.
The Capitals finish the season like they started, at the top of the standings. They have the best record in the league and win the Presidents’ Trophy. They are the odds on favourite to win the Stanley Cup. Sid watches as they steamroll over Tampa Bay in the opening round in four games. Alex scores six goals and assists on seven more. After the series Sid calls him. He wants to congratulate him but even more he misses him.....a lot.
To Sid’s relief Alex answers immediately with a cheerful, “Hey, Sid!”
He wasn’t sure if the Caps would be back to DC but they must have flown home immediately after the last game. It’s pretty late but Sid figures Alex is like himself, too keyed up after a big win to sleep. He’s banked that the other man will still be up. Sid smiles when he hears the familiar voice.
Alex sounds tired but jubilant. “Great game,” Sid tells him. “You guys were amazing.” He means every word of it.
The Caps are playing a kind of fast, freewheeling style of hockey Sid’s always admired. They have that enviable combination of wily veterans and madly talented newcomers that make them a force to be reckoned with. The Caps have the swagger of a winning team and the boost in confidence has elevating their play even more. They’ve had some canny draft picks over the last few years and Alex is at the top of his game. More than that, he seems to have grown into the leadership role he was meant for.
“Thanks, Sid,” Alex tells him. “Too bad you’re done. Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Sid tells him even though it really isn’t. But he doesn’t want to whine about it and bring down the other man. “So what are you up too?”
Alex laughs. “Get rest of night off. Then practise, practise, practise. Have few days before next series.”
Sid nods. He’s been following along. He knows the Caps will be playing the winner of the LA - Colorado series which is tied at 2 - 2. “So who do you think you’ll be playing?”
“Don’t know. Doesn’t matter. We’ll be ready.” he tells Sid. Sid knows he’s probably right.
After the obligatory pleasantries Sid gets down to what’s really on his mind. “Hey, I was wondering if maybe we could, you know, meet up?”
There’s a long pause and then a sign. “I don’t know, Sid. Where you thinking?”
“I could drive down there,” Sid suggests. “Come to your place.”
This suggestion actually makes Alex laugh. “Mom and Dad here, Sid.”
“Yeah. Maybe not,” Sid agrees. He’s not sure he wants to face the Ovechkin’s again nor try to explain a conjugal visit. “Or, you know, I could get a hotel?”
“Can’t do it, Sid. Coach says everyone stay in. Is like house arrest until we go on road. Practise only.”
Sid’s getting frustrated. “You’ve got to be kidding? Who’s going to know? Or you could come here?”
Alex sounds sorry when he tells Sid, “Mom know. Dad know. I know. Sorry, Sid. This is serious business. I want cup real bad. Is my dream. Like to see you but I think maybe I do what I’m told. For team.”
Sid shuts his eyes. He knows Alex is right. If he were in that position he’d do the same thing. “Okay,” he tells him. “Just make sure you win the damn thing as fast as you can.”
“Promise,” Alex laughs. “So, what you gonna do, Sid? Go back home?”
“Yeah,” Sid tells him. “In a week or two maybe. Got a few things to take care of in Pittsburgh before I leave.”
Sid does have a few meetings booked but he doesn’t have a lot on, especially since his most pressing agenda item, getting laid, seems to be on hold for the time being. “I’ll probably watch the playoffs with the guys.”
“Make sure to cheer for Caps,” Alex laughs.
“Of course,” Sid smiles at him. “Hey, what are you doing when you get finished?”
“Um, usually stay around until after awards banquet and the go to Russia. Usual thing. Why?”
Sid swallows nervously. He’s feeling like he’s in uncharted territory here. “I was just wondering, you know, if you’d want to come up to Nova Scotia for a week or so? Usually some of the guys come up, Jordie, Tanger, um yeah....We go fishing, play golf, do stuff like that......” he trails off.
As he says it Sid is already doubting Alex will be interested. He spends most of the year in North America, away from his friends and family. He probably can’t wait to go home to Russia as soon as he can.
Alex surprises him. “Yeah. Sound like fun, Sid.” He sounds like he’s smiling. “When you thinking?”
“Um, maybe right after the awards?” Sid suggests. There’s no point in going too early. The weather doesn’t usually get good until the end of June.
“Yeah, well I haven’t booked flight yet so yeah,” Alex tells him. “We can talk after playoffs over?”
“Yeah,” Sid agrees. He doesn’t want to jinx the Caps by making plans beyond the playoff or even contemplating that they won’t be in the finals. “You’re right. You finish the season and then we’ll make some plans. Okay?”
“Thanks, Sid,” Alex tells him. The silence stretches on for a moment and then Alex coughs. “And Sid, I miss you too?”
Sid grins stupidly at his phone. It’s not the same as being able to see Alex but talking to him helps a little bit. And at least he’s got something to look forward to.
“I guess I better let you go. It must be almost past curfew,” Sid kids. He looks at his watch. It’s getting really late.
“What is curfew?”
“You know, bed check?” Sid explains.
“Oh, yeah, haha,” Alex chuckles. “Like being back at Moscow Dynamo. Lights out.” Sid can hear him yawning while he talks.
“Well, good luck in the next series,” Sid tells him.
“Thanks, Sid,” Alex tells him.
*************************
Sid, Tanger and Jordie go out to a neighbourhood pub to watch the first couple Caps - Avalanche games. It’s more fun to watch with other hockey fans. Sid dresses down in a Steelers jersey and baseball cap and they grab a corner booth. No one recognizes them, or if they do, no one says anything. Most Penguins fans are pretty laid back. They are polite and though they’ll sometimes say hi, they aren’t usually a pain.
The games are decent but Colorado is never in it. The Caps beat them 4 - 2 and then even more convincingly, 6 - 2. Alex gets another goal but where he’s really excelling is in setting up his teammates. He gets five assists in the second game. The young guys are stepping up their game and Semin scores a couple goals as well. The Avalanche’s coach doesn’t know who to match his checking line out with.
The crowd is festive despite the Penguins not being in the playoffs. They’re knowledgeable hockey fans, most of them having followed the Penguins for years. They like what they see in the Washington Capitals and approve of their fire-wagon hockey style. There aren’t a lot of Colorado fans in the bar. Everyone’s cheering for the Caps. Sid joins right in.
Jordie and Tanger are busy for the third game so Sid watches it on his own. It’s not nearly as fun and he contemplates walking down to the pub but then decides that would be kind of......lame. He says in and instead calls his Dad on Skype and the two of them watch together. Sid drinks a few beers while they watch Alex get another hat trick. The poor Avalanche eventually can’t keep him contained. It’s not as fun as watching the game with the guys but it does in a pinch.
Sid has the guys over for game four. Tanger is there, along with Jordie and Flower. Geno comes over after the first period is finished. He’s had to do an appearance for one of his charities. They order pizza and Sid has made sure he has lots of beer. The Caps come out flat and are quickly down by two. They never seem to get back on track and although Semin gets one back in the second the Colorado goalie plays a great game and they can never get another one.Everyone is kind of bummed out but they know the Caps will take the series with the next game.
Sid wants them to come back for game five but unfortunately everyone has plans already for Saturday night. Or, more likely, their spouses do. The guys would be fine with pizza and beer but the wives have put up with a long hockey season and they want their husbands back. Sid finds himself on his own for the day.
He texts Alex to wish him luck but gets no reply. Sid figures he’s with the team at morning skate but it still leaves him feeling a little down. He calls Taylor but she doesn’t answer. He tries a couple of his buddies with no luck before he tosses his phone down in irritation. For the first time in a long while he can feel an anxiety attack coming on. He finds himself pacing around the condo, putting on laundry, tidying, anything to distract himself from the free floating anxiousness he can feel starting to overwhelm him.
It’s been so long that Sid doesn’t have any Ativan around to take so he tries the breathing exercises his therapist taught him to combat the attacks years ago. He sits on the couch and shuts his eyes, willing himself to relax. It doesn’t help so he phones home and talks to his mom. She recognizes the tight, clipped tone in his voice immediately.
“Sidney, honey. Are you okay?” she asks.
“I’ve been better,” he admits, leaning back into the couch. He can feel his heart racing in his chest even though he’s forcing himself to breath slowly and deeply. “Shit, I haven’t had one of these in years.”
“I know. You’ve been doing so much better,” his mom soothes. “Are you doing your breathing?”
“Yeah,” Sid tells her. “I’m trying. It’s not helping yet though. And I don’t have anything to take.” He tries not to sound panicky when he tells her.
“You’ll be okay,” she assures him. “It’ll pass.”
Sid lets out a deep breath and shuts his eyes again. He knows this too. It just doesn’t help when he’s in the middle of one. They make him feel like he’s going to have to crawl out of his skin, that his mind is racing a million miles an hour.
He’d had a lot of these as a child and young teen; just another thing that made him a little odd and set him apart from the rest of the kids. As Sid got older he got better at managing them and they gradually decreased in frequency. But there was still the odd time when some little thing would set him off and he would be right back in the middle of it, feeling powerless and weak and out of control. He hated it. The attacks made him fell like the same frightened little boy, trying to be brave, crying in bed alone, too stubborn to wake his mom and tell her.
“So, what have you been up to?” his mom asks, switching to a new tactic, distraction. “Have you been watching the hockey? Who do you think will win?”
She knows damn well he’s been watching but Sid smiles at his mom’s attempt to make him think about something else.
“The Caps,” he tells her. “I think they’re going to do it this year.”
“Really?” his mom asks. “Not Vancouver again?”
“Nope. The Caps are really strong,” he assures her. They chat a bit more about the teams and who Sid thinks will win the awards this year. Slowly he can feel the anxiety ebbing off slightly, the shear panic not nearly so pronounced. He takes two or three more long breaths and almost sighs in relief. He realizes he’s been grinding his teeth since it started.
Trina notices he calming but doesn’t mention it. She keeps talking; asking him about his plans for the week, when he’s going to come home, what he wants to do over the summer; anything to focus him on positive things and clear his mind. Sid appreciates her effort.
When he feels like it’s completely passed he tells her, “Thanks mom.”
“Of course honey. You can phone me any time. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know. What’s dad doing? Is he going to watch the game?” Sid asks.
“He’s gone down to the cabin for the weekend to fix a few things before the summer. You could call him there?”
“No, it’s okay,” Sid tells her. He doesn’t need to watch the game with his dad. He’s a big boy. He can watch by himself.
“Well, I’ll tell him you called, Sidney,” she assures him.
“Okay, thanks mom,” Sid says. “Oh, and mom, can you maybe not tell him about this thing I had. Okay?”
“Alright dear. But Sidney, it’s not something you should feel bad about, you know that don’t you? It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You remember what Dr. McCollister said? It’s something that a lot of people deal with."
Sidney can’t help but sigh. He’s heard this lecture before. “I know mom.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed by it. It’s not like your father will think any less of you.”
“I know,” Sid tells her, trying not to be short. “I just don’t want him to worry.”
That’s part of it. They’d all been optimistic that he’d gotten past this issue but obviously not yet. If he didn’t watch it his mom would be telling him he should go back to the psychologist he’d gone to when he was a teenager. And he really didn’t want to do that.
“Alright, Sidney. So you’re okay now?” she asks.
“Yeah, I’m fine now.”
“I should go then,” Trina tells him. “I’m going out with the girls to the casino tonight and Jane will be picking me up soon. You don’t need anything else?”
“No, I’m good, mom,” Sid tells her. “I should go too. I want to go for a run before the game starts.”
“Be careful of your back,” Trina warns.
“I will, mom,” Sid smiles. “I saw the trainer this morning and he told me to try it. I’ll take it easy.”
They say their goodbyes and then Sid puts on his shorts and runners. He warms up and does some stretches, then does a steady 45 minutes, letting the exercise loosen his muscles and take away the last of the tension. It’s a cool day but he’s soaked in sweat when he gets home. He grabs a quick shower and pulls on a pair of sweat pants before he turns on the TV.
Sid discovers he’s out of beer so he cracks open a bottle of duty free vodka he’s got kicking around and pours himself a stiff vodka and cranberry juice. He’s still feeling a bit pitiful having to watch the game on his own. Sid puts up his feet and takes a sip while the familiar Hockey Night In Canada music starts up. He’s thirst so the first drink goes down fast and he makes another. By the third he’s not feeling so sorry for himself.
He’s watching the first period when the phone rings. Sid jumps up immediately to get it, thinking it’s Alex returning his call, which would be odd seeing as he’s on the ice. Sid decides he should slow down on the vodka. He gets a wave of disappointment when he sees it’s Christine calling. Unfortunately he’s already accepted the call so he’s stuck.
He tries to sound cheerful when he greets her. Christine has just got back to town and is wondering if Sid is interested in hooking up tonight. He could really care less about having sex with her but the condo still seems kind of lonely and the thought of having some company kind of appeals. He’s had just enough vodka to invite her over and she accepts immediately.
His back gives a twinge when he puts down his phone so he pops a couple muscle relaxants and a vicodin for good measure. He pours one more drink and sits back to watch the game as the familiar warm wave of euphoria rolls over him.
Christine arrives half an hour later and helps herself to some vodka. When she sees the Crosby pharmacopeia she wants in. Sid reluctantly gives her one of his vicodin and they settle in to watch the game. Sid offers to order Chinese but Christine tells him she’s already eaten. She is already giving him a hand job before the second period is over. She’s not really all that interested in hockey.
The Caps win the fifth game convincingly and take the series. Sid is elated at the outcome. Christine suggests they take the rest of the vodka and hit the bedroom and without really thinking about it Sid agrees. His cock thinks it’s a good idea anyway. They are both pretty wasted and have to help each other get up the stairs. They strip off their clothes and get down to the business at hand.
Sid knows what he wants and he uses all his new skills to induce Christine to let him fuck her in the ass. The half bottle of vodka and the vicodin probably don’t hurt but she’s won over. She even appears to enjoy most of it. For Sid it’s okay. There’s the same familiar tightness but the size is all wrong. Christine is too small, too passive, not nearly demanding enough. She just lies there and even though it actually feels pretty good it takes Sid a hell of a long time to come. When he’s done Christine is already asleep.
Sid passes out shortly afterwards. He wakes up in the middle of the night with Christine pressed against him. At first he doesn’t know where he is and it takes a minute to remember why Christine is there at all. He falls back asleep and doesn’t wake up until 10:00 the next morning. He’s not exactly thrilled to find she’s still there. Usually he’ll go to her place and then take off first thing in the morning before she wakes up. He’s not sure what to do.
He carefully crawls out of bed so he doesn’t wake her up and heads for the bathroom. He can’t get in the shower fast enough. He’s dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt, making coffee when she comes down wrapped in a sheet from his bed. In the cold light of day Christine looks less than attractive. Her hair is all over and she’s got mascara racooning around her eyes. Her usual flawlessly applied make up is a little less than that. When she walks up to Sid and gives him a quick peck on the cheek it’s all he can do not to flinch.
“Hey, baby,” she smiles. “Do you have plans today?”
“Um, yeah,” Sid tells her immediately, even though he’s not thought of them yet. “I’ve got to go for a run and then the gym. Got to get changed soon actually,” he finishes , pointedly looking at his watch.
Christine pouts a little but then shrugs. Sid has to like that about her. She’s always been a good sport.
“There’s coffee if you want some,” he tells her, trying to smooth things over a little.
“Thanks, babe,” she answers, pouring herself a cup. “Well, I guess I’ll have a shower then and get going. That was fun though.”
She gives him another quick kiss and this time he manages to respond a little bit. At least he rests his hand on her shoulder gives her a bit of a smile.
“Yeah, good to see you Christine,” he tells her. “Look, I’m going out for a run. Just make sure the door is locked when you go.”
“Sure thing. Give me a call if you’ve got some more free time. I’m in town for a couple more weeks,” she tells him.
Sid nods agreeably but he’s got no plans to see her again. He’s feeling pretty shitty about the whole thing. He doesn’t know why he did it at all. It seemed like a good idea the night before but now...not so much. The sex was alright but he’s not sure why he feels so empty.
When Christine calls him a couple days later he doesn’t answer the phone. When she calls again the next day Sid decides that maybe he’ll fly home for a week or two and see his parents. They’re a little surprised by the impromptu visit but always glad to see him. He’s glad to see them too. He’s still a bit down from the season ending so soon and feeling out of sorts. It’s good to be home.
Sid and his dad settle in to watch the Stanley Cup finals together. The Caps are playing the Vancouver Canucks, the team with the second best record after the Capitals. The Canucks are the reigning Stanley Cup champions and they’d like to repeat. The two teams have only met once during the season, a hard fought game early in the season that the Caps managed to win by a goal. The odds makers are favouring the Caps slightly but everyone is expecting a close series.
Sid’s dad favours the Canucks which Sid is quietly but fervidly cheering for the Caps. He’s reluctant to say much to his parents. He’s never been a Caps fan and he’s worried the switch will be so out of character they will see right through him. Sid knows his dad dislikes Ovechkin; he’s made no secret of it over the years. Not that he knows the guy or anything; it’s more that Alex has been Sid’s rival for so long.
The Canucks win the first two games and surprise a lot of people, including the Caps. Loungo shuts them out in the first game and the Canucks get a hard fought overtime win in the second. The games are characterized by nonstop action, end to end rushes, and brilliant goaltending.
In the third game the Canucks come out determined to win again. They quickly go up by two goals and in frustration the Caps take a bad penalty. Sid can see the Caps confidence slipping as they run into such determined opposition. When Vancouver scores on the power play Sid isn’t surprised. He’s seen the same thing happen with the Penguins far too often.
And then suddenly something changes. Alex Ovechkin comes back out on the ice and through sheer force of willpower steals the puck from Vancouver and races in on the net with a Canucks defence man hanging off of him. He manages to score despite being hauled to the ice. Five minutes later he strikes again, setting up Backy for a breakaway. The Canucks start to scramble and slowly the tide is turned. Semin scores on a power play when Vancouver takes a holding penalty and the game is even.
It’s still tied half way through the third but the Caps have the momentum back and they keep pushing. If Luongo wasn’t playing so well the Caps would be ahead by four goals. Finally, with only a couple minutes left in the game Alex gets the puck again and races in with Backy, fakes a shot and then passes across the crease to Backstrom who fires it into the open net. Sid can’t help but grin at the outcome. He’s been sitting there like a bag of nerves all game.
His dad gives him a sour look when it’s over and grouses, “Since when have you been a Caps fan?”
Sid shrugs. “Come on, Dad. You have to admit it they played a hell of a game.”
“Yup,” his dad agrees. “It was a hell of a game. I think the Canucks will get them in the next one. Too much talent on that team to be shut down much longer. The Caps got some lucky bounces.”
Sid just keeps quiet. He’s been watching Caps games all year and he knows what they can do. He’s seen them use their talent on the Penguins to devastating effect. He helps his dad paint the fence for a couple days while the teams are on a couple travel days. It’s unseasonably warm and dry in Nova Scotia this spring.
Game four starts the same way as the last. The Sedin’s come out like gangbusters and score a goal at the three minute mark. Two minutes later Vancouver is on the power play after a questionable boarding call on Backstrom. The Canucks get another one. The crowd goes wild. They believe the Canucks are making a comeback.
And then the Caps just pick it up a notch. Alex goes out on the ice and just starts back-checking like a mother fucker, going into the corners like it’s his life’s work. He forces Bieksa to cough up the puck and gets it out to Sumin at center ice. It’s a long, risky pass but right on the money. Sasha takes it in and scores a beauty over Luongo’s right shoulder.
It lifts the Caps up. They increase the tempo more; beating the Canucks to the puck, making their own chances, always pushing. Alex doesn’t hit everyone but he’s playing his familiar game and the Vancouver defence is starting to look over their shoulders when they go into the corners instead of concentrating on the puck. Sid’s never seen Alex play so well or skate so fast. He seems like he’s always on the ice. He’s on the power play and when the Caps get another penalty he’s out killing the penalty as well.
And just like the flow of the game changes something happens to Sid’s dad too. He starts to cheer for the Capitals. Sid notices for the first time while they are watching Alex rag the puck, skating around and through the Canucks while they vainly try to get the puck away from him so they can fucking try to get a power play goal, thank you very much. It’s just not happening.
Sid’s dad looks up when Alex finishes his shift and shakes his head in wonder. “I never thought I’d ever say this Sid, but that guy is fucking amazing. He’s gotten better, hasn’t he?”
Sid only nods. He’s realizing that too. Where Alex has always had the strength and the raw talent, now he’s got a wealth of NHL experience too. He’s better, fitter, but he’s also gotten a hell of a lot smarter. He’s learned to choose his moments. He knows when a goal or a big hit can change the momentum of the game and he’s still got the ability to deliver.
Sid can’t wait for game five. Troy and Trina are both there for this one. Sid stops and buys a case of beer on the way home from the gym. The three of them sit and eat take out Chinese while the national anthems are being sung. The Vancouver fans are going crazy. They’re still hoping for a second Cup.
Sid is surprised at how many Caps jerseys there are in the crowd at Rogers arena. Both teams have huge followings and word is that this game is pulling in some of the highest ratings hockey has ever seen. It’s huge; this series has been picked up all over the U.S. Ratings are through the roof.
The first ten minutes of the game are incredibly fast, both sides getting good shots on net, but are being thwarted by the goaltenders. There are no penalties and very few whistles. Suddenly the Canucks get a break. The puck hops over the stick of the Caps rookie Kuznetsov and Daniel Sudin is away on a breakaway. Mike Green and Kuznetsov both try to catch him but come up short. Score 1 - 0 for Vancouver.
Yevgeni Kuznetsov is devastated and Sid feels for the kid. It’s just a bad bounce. That’s all. It can happen to anyone, which doesn’t make it any easier when it’s you and it’s happened in the middle of a playoff game. It’s the kind of incident that can inspire a team or knock the wind out of a lesser one. The cameras follow the young player to the bench and he looks like he could cry.
Alex sits beside him and taps him on the arm by way of encouragement. The kids doesn’t even look up from where he’s staring at the floor. Sid sees Alex lean in, wrap his arm around the rookie and say something to him as the camera pans closer. He talks at length and Kuznetsov nods at what Alex Ovechkin says to him. When he looks up he seems slightly less upset. Sid feels a twinge of jealousy at the exchange although he knows Kuznetsov is decidedly straight.
Their line goes back on the ice a minute later and instead of avoiding Kuznetsov in case he’s shaken by the bad play, Alex gives him a crisp pass and sends him up the ice. Kuznetsov gets around the defence man and takes a shot which is stopped by Luongo. He doesn’t quit though, jumping on the rebound as he goes past the net and makes a blind pass back in front of the net, right on to Alex’s waiting stick. Loungo is down and doesn’t have a chance. Tie game. The kid comes off the ice looking like the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders.
Sid is stunned when his dad lets out a hoot at Alex’s goal. Apparently he’s switched teams and is now cheering for the Caps. Trina looks pretty happy too and Sid beams at both of them. He’s thrilled himself.
“That was a damn fine play,” Troy tells Sid. “Good for him.”
Ten minutes later it’s Kuznetsov’s turn to score on a slap shot from the faceoff circle, set up by Backstrom. Alex is the first over to congratulate the rookie while Mike Green scoops the puck out of the net to give the kid. It’s his first playoff goal and it couldn’t come at a better time. The period ends without any more scoring.
Sid can’t remember ever watching a better game; certainly none of the ones he’s been involved in the last few years. He also can’t believe how much of the game Alex has been on the ice. Neither can his dad. He shakes his head in disbelief when Sid comes back with another beer for everyone.
“That guy is a machine. He must have played half the period.”
“He’s got a new trainer this year,” Sid volunteers. “Talked him into losing 15 pounds. Said he didn’t need that much bulk. Alex thinks it’s made him faster. Better acceleration, you know.”
“I can believe that,” Troy nods thoughtfully. “I never really cared for his grandstanding in the past, as you know, Sid. But now I’m starting to.....” he leaves the rest unfinished.
Sid nods. “Yeah, he’s really good.”
Sid’s mom gives him a puzzled look. “I didn’t know you knew him, Sidney?”
“Um, yeah,” he tells her. “He’s a good friend of Geno’s. We hang out sometimes when the teams get together.”
Troy is surprised at that. “I thought your teams didn’t get along? You’ve had some pretty nasty games.”
Sid shrugs. It had been the case in the past but not so much now. Off the ice the two teams are on good terms. “The Russians hang out a lot,” he explains.
“Sometimes both teams get together. Mike Green is a good guy. So is Backstrom,” Sid tells them.
“What about you and Ovechkin,” Troy asks. “The media’s always built up the rivalry between you two.”
Sid feels his face begin to flush. “We get along fine.”
“What’s he like?” Trina asks curiously.
“I don’t know, mom,” Sid tells her. “Nice, I guess. Fun. But serious about hockey.”
He can’t think of much else he wants to say. “He has his parents living with him,” he finally tells her.
“Really? No wife or girlfriend?” she asks.
“No, not yet. He’s concentrating on hockey, like me.”
Sid thinks for one brief second that maybe he should tell his mom and dad what’s going on with Alex. That he should face facts and admit how he feels about the guy and how he hopes he never does find a girlfriend. If there ever was a good time it would be right now. But Sid just can’t bring himself to do it. The words stick in his throat. And then his dad belches and tells him he needs to go to the can and the moment is lost.
They watch Coach’s Corner while Don Cherry dissects the play of both teams over the last couple games. Sid has to agree with most of it even though the guy is an idiot. Sid’s surprised that he’s actually complimentary towards the Europeans. He doesn’t have much choice; they’ve been dominating the play for both teams.
The second and third periods belongs to the goal tenders. Both teams play superbly, generate numerous scoring chances, but the goalies play even better. The Caps get an empty net goal and the game ends with a 3 - 1 score. Alex is the first star for the third time in the series follow by the two goaltenders. The teams head back to Washington for the next game.
Sid’s parents are both there again for game six. It reminds him of his childhood, sitting in the same living room week after week watching Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday night. Sid’s always been crazy about hockey. He used to sit in this same room and dream about making the NHL one day and playing for the Stanley Cup. It’s the same dream a lot of Canadian kids have had.
It’s something Russian kids dream about too and the Crosby’s are watching a dream come true tonight. The Caps own the last game. They come out dominating and score the first and then second goals in front of their adoring crowd. The Canucks struggle back and score one but they don’t have the same spark they had in the previous games. The result of the game is never in doubt. The Washington Capitals win their first Stanley Cup on home ice.
It’s while he’s watching Alex skate around the rink with the cup held high, followed closely by his team mates, that Sid realizes he has tears running down his face. He brushes them away sheepishly and is relieved when neither of his parents comment. They are both glued to the screen with sappy smiles on their faces. They remember what it was like when Sid won the cup.
They watch Alex presented with the Conn Smythe in front of an adoring crowd and when Sid sees him hold the trophy up with his trade mark gap toothed smile and then let loose with his infectious laugh Sid is smiling too. He tells his parents, “He’s wanted the cup for so long,” by way of explanation and his voice is tight with emotion. Both his parents smile at him fondly.
Sid couldn’t be happier if he’s won the cup himself. Later that night he tries to call Alex’s but his phone goes directly to voicemail. He’s probably out celebrating Sid thinks and for a second he finds himself wishing he could be there too. He texts, “Congratulations,” and sends his message. As an afterthought he thumbs in “I miss you,” before thinking better of it and x-ing the words out.
Sid spends the rest of the week in Halifax and then flies back to Pittsburgh. He’s got some meetings with his agent and exit interviews with the team that he’s not looking forward to. It’s hard to justify how they played this season. Sid knows the Penguins management will be looking for answers in the upcoming weeks. He’ll be very surprised if Blysma is still the coach next season.
Sid finally gets hold of Alex and they spend half an hour talking. Sid spends a lot of the time effusing about the series with the Canucks and Alex is uncharacteristically humble about the whole thing. It’s surprises Sid a little.
He’d always thought Alex was cocky and arrogant until he got to know him and realized it wasn’t the case. A lot of the time Alex’s comments made him seem full of himself when really it was his English that was to blame. They don’t get to talk as long as Sid would like because Alex has family over from Russia and he’s got a million things going on. They promise to get together at the awards banquet and make plans for the summer after that. Sid can barely wait.
He’s at loose ends the second week back in Pittsburgh and gets a bit low. His back is still bugging him so he starts in on his vicodin and buys some more vodka. He spends a fair bit of time lying on the couch feeling sorry for himself. Christine calls him one night and offers to come over and check on him. In a weak moment he agrees. They end up fucking on the couch and then again in Sid’s room. When she hints afterwards that she’d love to go to the NHL awards in Vegas he half-heartedly agrees to take her. It’s the vodka talking.
The next morning when she texts him and says how excited she is to be going Sid curses the fact that she remembers. He’s own recollections of the previous night are pretty hazy but he knows that agreeing to let her come is just the kind of stupid thing he’s capable of doing when drunk. Fuck it.
Sid suggests a couple days later that maybe it’s not such a great idea that she come. He’s going to be really busy with appearances so he won’t be able to spend much time with her. He tries to bribe her by offering to take her somewhere else later but she’s not buying it. She wants to go to Vegas for the awards and can’t be dissuaded. Sid is too much of a wimp to flat out tell her no even though he’s not sure how he’s going to swing hooking up with Alex with her around. But he figures that where there’s a will there’s a way.
Sid’s marketing team is pleased when they hear Sid’s taking her to the awards. They are all for it. They’ve always been mildly concerned with his oddly celibate lifestyle and the inevitable speculation it generates. They’ve been quietly encouraging him to find the right girl and settle down for years so that he can better portray a wholesome image to the American market. The past season spent clubbing has not gone unnoticed. Some of his biggest sponsorships are with Disney and Family Channel and the last thing they want for a spokesperson is a playboy.
Sid and Christine fly out to Vegas together and check into Caesars’ Palace. He prays they don’t bump into Alex until he gets a chance to talk to him. He doesn’t have a clue how to explain Christine’s presence. He does have to admit that when she’s all done up like she is today, she looks like a million bucks. She fits right in with the Vegas crowd; a lot more than Sid does.
Sid suggests that maybe she see a show the first night instead of coming to the meet and greet. He tells her it will be really boring but she’ll have none of it. She’s brought all her dressy clothes and she’s not missing a thing. The get changed and go downstairs and she sticks to him like glue while he mingles, like some kind of large accessory on his arm. Sid is his usual socially awkward self and doesn’t even introduce her until people ask him who she is.
They bump into Geno half an hour in and Sid’s teammate does a double take when he sees Christine. His eyebrows disappear into his hairline and he glances nervously around the room after he greets them. Sid realizes again that bringing Christine along is a really bad idea despite the fact that she’s getting a lot of admiring glances from the men in the room.
Sid is getting more and more nervous so he excuses himself for a moment, goes to the men’s room, and drops a vicodin. He grabs a couple martini’s on the way back, intending to give one to Christine. But his goes down so good he ends up finishing it and has hers half gone when he finds her. She gives him a sour, where the hell is mine? look so he polishes off the second one and goes to get two more. He’s feeling a little more relaxed by then.
Christine is in her element with this crowd. She’s grown up rich, modeled for a living, and is used to these sort of social functions. She’s a beautiful girl and chats easily with everyone they meet. It gives Sid a bit of a break in that he doesn’t have to lead the conversation. He can stand around like the dork he is and only join the conversation when he’s drawn in. It’s a good thing because he’s well on his way to being shit faced drunk. He doesn’t see Alex until half way through the night.
Christine gets flirtier after a couple more martini’s and leads Sid from the crowd to a more private area. Sid’s not sure if it’s the alcohol, the red dress she’s wearing or all the men admiring his hot date but when she reaches up to kiss him he responds enthusiastically, Alex temporarily forgotten. She really is a smarter choice than Alex, Sid tells himself. She’s pretty and outgoing and........she’s a woman.
They begin to make out, oblivious to anyone else around. And suddenly it’s all wrong. The body he’s touching is too delicate, the pressure against him too light and there isn’t enough surface for his hands to explore. Her touch is too gentle, her kiss too soft, her scent too flowery and the little sighs she makes are far too feminine. Sid realizes a minute in that it’s wrong because she isn’t a man and more specifically she isn’t Alex.
Sid pulls back and ends the kiss. He needs to find Alex before he does anything else stupid. He’s just pushing her away when he notices the two of them have an audience. When Sid sees its Sumin and Alex watching them carefully his stomach drops. Christine smiles at them and wraps her arm further around Sid’s waist and he wants to tear it away. He doesn’t want Alex to see this. Sid wants to grab the other man’s hand, drag him off and somehow explain the situation but instead he stands as if paralyzed.
Christine giggles nervously and greets the two men but neither responds. Sumin is staring at Sid like he’s something odious he’s picked up on the bottom of his shoe. It’s pretty much how Sid is feeling. Alex wheels away and strides across the room followed by Sumin. Sid stares blindly in front of him, not even capable of hoping Christine doesn’t find his behaviour strange. He can’t focus or think about anything but the look in Alex’s eyes.
It had only been fleeting because the other man had turned away so quickly but Sid had recognized the look easily. It had been hurt. The short flash of emotion he had seen. There was no mistaking it for anger, confusion or anything else. There’s no doubt Sid has hurt Alex. He’s hurt him badly and the realization makes Sid feel sick to his stomach.
Christine takes Sid’s hand and he pulls it from her grasp. He needs to talk to Alex. Christine makes a surprised sound but Sid ignores her and walks away, looking through the crowd. Sid finds Alex with Sumin and Greenie surrounded by a group of journalists. When the group see him approaching Alex teammates look ready to beat the crap out of Sid despite there being an audience. Alex says a quiet word and the two of them stand down.
It makes Sid slightly hopeful but when he looks at Alex’s face it contains no emotion at all. It’s a mask. Sid has no idea where to start, what to do so he just approaches the group and stands just outside their periphery. Sid swallows nervously. All the journalists have turned to look at him now too.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asks Alex politely, feeling his heartbeat drumming in his chest.
We busy, Crosby,” Sumin tells him coldly. Sid ignores him and instead looks to Alex for an answer.
Alex just looks around the group and shrugs before looking at him neutrally. He’s not giving Sid much.
“I mean, somewhere else,” Sid elaborates. Sid gestures towards the exit, “Can we go outside or something?”
Alex’s eyes narrow, “Nothing wrong with here.”
Sid’s met with only silence after that and the moment stretches on. He becomes aware that even more people are watching them curiously and it filters through the martini’s that he probably shouldn’t make a scene.
He swallows and looks Alex in the eye and says, “Just, please?”
Alex finally drops his eyes and just nods. He follows Sid when he walks to the side of the room. Sid’s makes sure to go in the opposite direction to where Christine last was. He finds an alcove they can stand in and be unobserved by the rest of the room. He puts his hand on Alex’s arm, craving contact with the other man and feels him flinch. When Alex tries to pull away Sid hangs on, determined to provoke any emotional reaction he can rather than have to deal with this coldness.
Sid finally lets go and the two men regard each other silently. He deliberates how to start the conversation, half hoping Alex will say something first, but he doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to. He just watches Sid quietly and all Sid can think is that he wants to walk into Alex, run his hands over his body, lean against him and feel Alex’s arms surround him. He knows that isn’t even a remote option. There are too many things to say and although they stand only feet apart it feels like a football field.
Sid runs his hand nervously through his hair. “I’m really sorry. It isn’t what it looked like. She’s not....”
“No?” Ovechkin stares at him unemotionally.
“Yeah. She actually kissed me....” It’s pathetic and Sid knows it. Alex calls him on it immediately.
“Could see you fighting her off,” he states coldly.
“Listen, I know what it looked like, okay? But she’s not what I want,” Sid finally blurts out.
Sid sighs before continuing in a lower voice, “I’d rather be with you...” he trails off and Alex looks at him as if he doesn’t believe a word of it which makes Sid insist, “She wanted to come to Las Vegas and I said okay. I tried to talk her out of it after but.....I know it was stupid, okay? I’ve said I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head; there is no way to explain it and no satisfactory excuse. He’s totally screwed everything up. He knows it was a bad idea to bring Christine but he can’t undo it now.
“If you want to be with me, why are you sticking your tongue down her throat? Why do you bring girl at all?” Alex asks angrily.
Sid shrugs and looks away. He’s a little relieved to see Alex switch from cold indifference to anger, though he doesn’t feel overly comfortable with it either.
“She wanted to come,” Sid explains lamely. “So I let her. But it doesn’t matter with us. We can still....” he trails off.
“You go out with her?”
“Not really. I mean, sort of....Sometimes,” he fumbles.
“But you fuck her?” Alex demands.
Sid can’t think of anything to say and Alex takes his silence as a yes. He’s looking at Sid with a tight lipped sadness than makes Sid want to cry. There is no way he can articulate the difference between what he feels about Christine and what he feels about Alex so he just looks at the floor.
Alex finally just sighs and shakes his head. “Go back to your girlfriend, Sidney. Not polite to just leave her like that,” he tells him. He turns away and Sid instinctively grabs for his arm again. Alex turns back towards him and gives him one more pitying look before he shrugs him off.
“Do svidaniya, Sidney,” Alex tells him and then walks back into the crowd.
Sid watches him go and when he disappears within a group Sid goes to find Christine. He tells her he’s going back to the room. She takes one look at the expression on his face and doesn’t protest. There really isn’t anything or anyone to stay around for.
*************************
The following night Sid sits with Christine while Alex accepts award after award, each time thanking his team mates and family for their support. Sid goes home empty handed for the first time in years. He drinks more than he should again that night and when he fucks Christine he insists that that she get on her hands and knees. He fucks her hard and the next morning she’s covered in bruises and will barely talk to him. She was already angry about last night and this is the last straw.
Sid is more miserable than he’s ever been in his life. He flies home the next day and over the next couple weeks he tries phoning Alex several times. He never answers his cell. Sid leaves messages but the Alex never returns his calls.
Sid tries calling Geno and can’t reach him either. What the hell is with these Russians? In desperation he calls Alex Sumin and is relieved when he picks up the call. But as soon as Sid identifies himself he gets a hostile, “Fuck off, Crosby,” before he hangs up.
He tries Geno again the next day and finally reaches him. Malkin doesn’t sound thrilled to be hearing from Sid but at least he stays on.
“Where’s Alex?,” he demands. “I can’t get hold of him.” Sid tries not to sound frantic but he knows his emotions are showing in his voice.
Geno is guarded when he replies. “Gone home to Russia, like always,” he tells him.
“I know. But he won’t return my calls.”
“Maybe he busy,” Geno suggests neutrally.
Sid’s never talked to anyone on the team about Alex and he doesn’t really want to start now but finally he just sighs and admits, “I think I really fucked up.”
There is silence at the other end of the line for several seconds and then Sid finally hears a sigh. “Yeah, you did,” Geno agrees.
Sid is afraid he’s going to start crying and he struggles to get his emotions under control. He can feel the early beginnings of a panic attack forming. “I just don’t know...” he starts.
There is silence over the line and Sid just sits there waiting. It takes a couple minutes before Geno starts to talk again and when he does he sounds reluctant.
“Remember you ask me once about feud with Alex? What was about?” he starts.
“Yeah.”
“I never talk about this with no one. Just you. Is personal. Okay? You never tell no one, okay, Sid?”
Sid nods and then realizes Geno can’t see him so he answers, “I won’t. I promise.”
“I know Alex long time. Team mates, friends. I make big mistake when I come to NHL. I hook up with him a few times, you know, fool around. For me, I was lonely. Didn’t know people. It was fun times. But for Alex it was maybe more. I hurt him.”
Sid knows immediately that the only reason Geno would tell him this is that he knows how Sid feels about Alex, and more importantly, how Alex feels about him. He needs to know more, he needs to know everything about Alex, about his past relationships, who he’s loved, so that he knows how to fix this. Sid doesn’t know if it’s even possible but he knows he has to try.
“What happened?” Sid asks quietly.
He hears Geno laugh quietly on the other end of the line. “We all in Moscow. Out at club. Drinking, having fun. I was stupid. I hit on Alex Semin.”
He stops talking and finally Sid has to prompt, “And?”
Geno sighs, “Is why I know Semin straight. He punch me in face. Not just because straight. Because he know how much Alex like me. Say don’t deserve Alex.”
“Was that the time Alex punched your agent,” Sid asks, remembering mention of the story.
“Yeah. Was bad scene,” Geno confirms. “Shit show. Agent punch Semin. Alex punch him. Huge fight. We get out before police comes. Hope it stay out of news. Some of it did. Alex pissed off for long time. Not good. I feel terrible. Sasha right. I didn’t deserve Alex. Was fun but I like girls too. For Alex was......important.”
“But you’re friends again now?” Sid asks. “How did your work it out?” Sid is slightly comforted by the fact that Geno had been able to fuck things up as well as he can. Or maybe it is a Penguins trait? He’ll have to ask Jordie and Flower more about their love lives, he thinks.
“Not us,” Geno tells him. “I mean, I try but Alex not listen. He very .....stubborn,” Geno struggles for the right word to use. “But Kovy make us go out with him. Talk to us. Make us drink together. He say stupid Russians. Say we good friends one time. Is stupid to forget that. Tell us to make up or he kick our asses. Is what I want anyway, but Alex finally agree. Thanks god for Kovy,” Geno concludes. “Or Alex prolly kill me by now in game. Was scary have him so mad.”
He stops talking. That’s a lot of English for Geno. He's probably exhausted. Sid digests what he’s heard. He can imagine how it would be terrible to have Alex pissed off at you. He knows he's in the same boat. And he needs to fix it. The problem is that they are continents apart.
Sid admits, “I’m an idiot. I know that. He must hate me now.”
Geno sighs. “Sid, look, I like you. You.....weird sometimes, but teammate. You friend. But Alex friend too. Old friend. Don’t want to see get hurt.”
Sid blinks back tears. “I don’t want to hurt him either,” he gets out even though his throat feels thick. He hasn’t done a very good job so far. He swallows a couple times and then finally admits, “I don’t know what to do.”
There is more silence, even longer this time. “Decide what you want Sid. You want girlfriend, of you want Alex. But not both.” Geno tells him. “Is up to you. Alex have big heart. But can still break.”
“I know what I want,” Sid tells him. “But he won’t even talk to me.”
Geno thinks a minute before answering. “Give him time, Sid. He upset. And you think too. Is not easy being like Alex in NHL. Is lonely. Is......complicated. Was not for me. Easier to have girlfriend. Love him like brother but......” he leaves the rest unsaid. “So you take summer and think about things. Be sure. Okay?”
“Okay,” Sid tells him. “Look, thanks for telling me this stuff. I better go.”
“Yeah, okay Sid. “Have good summer, okay?”
“I will. You have a good summer too.”
“And keep mouth shut about what I say,” Geno warns him.
“Yeah. Don’t worry,” Sid promises. “And Geno.....Thanks.”
TBC