Wanting to cry but not sad
Today has been a really weird day. I didn't go in to help out with F.Y.I. set up. I've helped out for every dry run that we have had since the start of the season so I'm not upset that I'm missing one. I slept until noon, vacuumed and went to work. You are probably wondering what I'm upset about.
Good question. I feel out of place for some reason and I don't know why. I had a dream last night, it was strange, very strange but it didn't erk me either way but I knew I had to look up it's meaning. I looked it up and it all had to do with a very untimely death or change and not for the better. It is scaring the crap out of me.
The other thing that is scaring me is graduation. I'm exicited for it but I'm nervous and afraid at the same time. I'm applying for an internship at NBC. If I don't get that it's cool. I'm not looking to intern anywhere else mainly because I don't think I could find a better internship besides Partizan. I'm trying to be as prepared as possible for graduation and life after. But how do you prepare for life afterwards when you feel like a life exists for you right now? Ed jokes with me and tells me I can't have any responsibilities next semester so I could fully enjoy what is left of my senior year, but I feel that even that is not enough. This is the same problem that I have had since high school and it rears its ugly head again. Getting back to what I was originally trying to say before I rambled on to another tangent. I applied to the DGA Assistant Director's Training Program in Los Angeles, and will be applying to the New York program soon. It is extremely competitive and I would love it if I got into the program but I'm a little lost in terms of what to do if don't get in. I will probably take the apprentice program test with IATSE, but short of doing a lot of production assistant jobs I don't know what else my options are.
The end of something makes you realized how frightening the unknown is.
Good question. I feel out of place for some reason and I don't know why. I had a dream last night, it was strange, very strange but it didn't erk me either way but I knew I had to look up it's meaning. I looked it up and it all had to do with a very untimely death or change and not for the better. It is scaring the crap out of me.
The other thing that is scaring me is graduation. I'm exicited for it but I'm nervous and afraid at the same time. I'm applying for an internship at NBC. If I don't get that it's cool. I'm not looking to intern anywhere else mainly because I don't think I could find a better internship besides Partizan. I'm trying to be as prepared as possible for graduation and life after. But how do you prepare for life afterwards when you feel like a life exists for you right now? Ed jokes with me and tells me I can't have any responsibilities next semester so I could fully enjoy what is left of my senior year, but I feel that even that is not enough. This is the same problem that I have had since high school and it rears its ugly head again. Getting back to what I was originally trying to say before I rambled on to another tangent. I applied to the DGA Assistant Director's Training Program in Los Angeles, and will be applying to the New York program soon. It is extremely competitive and I would love it if I got into the program but I'm a little lost in terms of what to do if don't get in. I will probably take the apprentice program test with IATSE, but short of doing a lot of production assistant jobs I don't know what else my options are.
The end of something makes you realized how frightening the unknown is.