Owwwch... His words leave scars he can't see with the naked eye..
Hi. Yesterday I stayed home from werk and played hooky with the boy - we went shopping and I let him pick out clothes for me (which he's surprisingly good at) and we had a great day. Then, we went back to his house, I dyed the red streak in my hair back to brown (well, blondish brown, stil lighter than the rest)and then we were going to go to West End Pizza for dinner. So I was getting ready to go, and I still had the pajama pants on that I put on to dye my hair. I had just gotten out of the shower, and there was a wet spot on the front of my pants. He looked at me, and goes "You got a little wet spot there - gettin excited?" joking around, you know? And so I said "yeah, I was thinking about you -couldn't help myself." The next thing that came out of his mouth was like a verbal punch in the gut. He goes, "Yeah, me and how many others?" He laughed, like it was a joke, until he saw the wounded look on my face. When he realized I was crying, (after I could move again, that is) he got off the phone quickly and came over to me. I told him he ought to explain what he meant by that, because it came out really wrong. He says he was just joking, just kidding around, no big deal, but I don't think he realized how it felt when he said it. All I kept thinking was "Oh great, my boyfriend whom I am crazy in love with, thinks I'm a whore." He insists that's not what he meant, but that's how it felt. I know I've done some things in my life that I'm not necessarily proud of, but that's all in the past and I can't change it now. Right now, I am completely 100% faithful to him and can't imagine being otherwise. The last thing I need is to know that he thinks the things about me that I constantly have to combat in my home town. I can take a lot from other people, but from him, it kills. He says he's so sorry, he shouldn't have said it, he didn't mean that... but it hurt so bad to hear it come out of his beautiful mouth. Reminds me of a line from a Fiona Apple song - "my pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will disprove your faith in man" ... I wanted to die when he said that. I can only imagine the look on my face, I'm sure he's never seen me look like that before. To be entirely honest, I'm not sure I've ever given anyone a look like that before. It was a combination of shock, hurt, betrayal, and anger. Oh yeah, and sadness. A lot of that. I let him apologize and got over it, pretty much, but.... Ouch. Really.