Roses Are Red, Violets Are...Oh, Screw It
Due to the fact that I still haven't figured out how to cram thirty-two hours' worth of activities into twenty-four hours, I didn't get my annual Valentine's Day entry out on time this year. But just in case anyone was worried, no, having a boyfriend hasn't changed me at all--I'm not crammed full of estrogen, I promise. For instance, this year, instead of a valentine, I got Flint a sympathy card. It says "Hang in there--you're doing great", and I wrote, "Because dating me is hard. Love, Scarlett". So, don't think I'm suddenly going to make my annual "romance" post about sunshine and rainbows. *cocks weapon and smiles* You know me better than that!
However, this year I am taking a bit of a different approach. Instead of trying to fight the sugary gross feelings that threaten us every February, I've decided instead to weaponize them. Back in the 80s, Love Story made the Hallmark CEO a millionaire with the oft-abused and completely incorrect idea, "Love means never having to say you're sorry" (it's my experience that being in love has prompted me to apologize constantly), but why should we let Hallmark, CVS, romantic movies or any other stupid conglomerate tell us what love is really all about? It's all relative, you see, so sit back, relax and have a look at some of what I consider the most "romantic" moments in cinema. Forget Nicholas Sparks books, red roses and fluffy expressions of sentiment--the following list are the kind of things that make my heart beat faster and put a smile on my face.
1. Captain America keeps a photo of his best girl in his compass (Captain America: The First Avenger)
It's no secret that I have a huge crush on Chris Evans, due in large part to his portrayal of one of my favorite comic book heroes, Steve Rogers, or Captain America. One of the best things about the movie (and indeed, any of the Avengers movies) is that they didn't hit you over the head with the love story--Thor is devoted to his scientist girlfriend Jane, but leaves her to go back to Asgard, simply promising that he will return to her; even by the end of Iron Man 2, no one was completely sure that Tony and Pepper were even actually dating (tiny spoiler alert: they do kiss and Tony makes a flippant reference to being in a "sort-of stable relationship", but we only get visual confirmation of them cuddling in The Avengers). Anyway, Steve has a big ol' crush on his Army liason, Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell):
She likes him too, but he's spent so much of his life being the forgettable weakling that he can barely fumble through a conversation with a girl, let alone date one. But when Cap finally gets his boots under him and strides out into the field to punch those goddamned Hydra Nazis in the face, he carries a talisman with him to remind him he's got a great lady manning the battle stations at home--when he flips his compass open to check their heading, you can see a photo of Peggy affixed to the inside of the lid:
That's just...sweet. Better still, it's sweet without being obnoxious about it, which means it's my favorite kind of declaration of affection--a sincere one.
2. Cyclops shows Wolverine a thing or two about marking territory (X-Men)
It's also no secret that Cyclops (along with Jean Grey, since the two go hand-in-hand as far as I'm concerned) is far and away one of my favorite X-Men. People have dissed the character for years for being too straitlaced and too much of a boy scout, but hey, those are the sort of guys I go for, when you get right down to it (we need more good guys in this world, not less of them), and his romance with Jean Grey, despite its speed bumps, was the stuff of my teenaged daydreams. (Sidebar: Naturally, I am unhappy with his "mutant genocide" agenda in recent issues and I never want anyone to even mention the words "Emma Frost" in my presence.) I was happy that for a moment, the otherwise collossally bad X-Men film gave the character fangs for a second; when Wolverine asks Cyke if he's telling him to stay away from his girl, Cyclops responds evenly, "If I had to do that, she wouldn't be my girl, would she?" then lets the conversation spin out before leaving Wolvie with the acidic parting shot of, "Oh, and Logan--stay away from my girl."
Now that's the Cyclops I fell in love with growing up.
3. Duke knows exactly what gift will make Scarlett take notice (G.I. Joe)
I can't get enough of this scene. In the five-part miniseries The M.A.S.S. Device, which was essentially the pilot for the G.I. Joe cartoon, Duke is captured by Cobra but eventually escapes. The rest of the team goes after Cobra, but Scarlett, boldly deciding to chase down Destro, is captured herself. After a few brave escape attempts, the rest of the team is able to find the secret Cobra base and bust Scarlett out:
Upon reaching her, Duke unshackles her from the wall and hands her her trusty crossbow, stating, "I was going to bring flowers. Instead I brought this." Scarlett takes the crossbow and proceeds to blow up a tank with it. Now that's a great present.
4. Hicks wants to guard Ripley's six (Aliens)
This is probably one of my favorite moments in cinema ever. It's not necessarily romantic unless you squint, but either way it's an awesome display of camraderie in a war zone. When LV-426 is beseiged by the titular aliens, Corporal Dwayne Hicks gives Ellen Ripley a tracking device, "that way I'll always know where you are." When she gives him a look, he smiles and says, "Don't get all excited, it's not an engagement ring."
They smile at each other, and then he shows her how to use one of his guns (a nice nod to the fact that Ripley is a science officer and thus was not trained for battle the way the Marines are, something people keep forgetting since Ripley keeps surviving). Later, when Hicks is injured, leaving the final battle up to Ripley, they exchange first names for the first time all film.
5. What happens in Budapest stays in Budapest (The Avengers)
There is definitely a canon on-again, off-again thing between Hawkeye and the Black Widow (currently off, as he's dating--and cheating on! Bad Hawkeye!--Spider-Woman, but there's always the question as to whether he and Tasha will ever be lovers again)--they are just perfect partners in the field, either way. While they're handled much better in the comics than on the silver screen (through no fault of Jeremy Renner, I've realized, who researched the character and was disappointed that he didn't get more unbrainwashed screen time), far, far better than the Widow's crocodile tears scene was the scene in which the two are in the final firefight against the invading aliens. "This is just like Budapest all over again," Natasha remarks, and Clint responds with, "You and I remember Budapest very differently."
It's a wonderful nod to a shared past, and that's part of what makes a set of perfect partners, which, as you all know, is my favorite kind of love story.
I'm not sure how you're Valentines' Days went this year (mine involved a delicious sushi dinner, an adorable Kre-O G.I. Joe set for a gift, and a decidely unpleasant half hour of towing the Coyote out of a snowbank that this idiot redhead got it stuck in) but wherever you are, whatever you do, whatever day of the year it may be, my dear team, a redhead and her plush wolf will always love you!
However, this year I am taking a bit of a different approach. Instead of trying to fight the sugary gross feelings that threaten us every February, I've decided instead to weaponize them. Back in the 80s, Love Story made the Hallmark CEO a millionaire with the oft-abused and completely incorrect idea, "Love means never having to say you're sorry" (it's my experience that being in love has prompted me to apologize constantly), but why should we let Hallmark, CVS, romantic movies or any other stupid conglomerate tell us what love is really all about? It's all relative, you see, so sit back, relax and have a look at some of what I consider the most "romantic" moments in cinema. Forget Nicholas Sparks books, red roses and fluffy expressions of sentiment--the following list are the kind of things that make my heart beat faster and put a smile on my face.
1. Captain America keeps a photo of his best girl in his compass (Captain America: The First Avenger)
It's no secret that I have a huge crush on Chris Evans, due in large part to his portrayal of one of my favorite comic book heroes, Steve Rogers, or Captain America. One of the best things about the movie (and indeed, any of the Avengers movies) is that they didn't hit you over the head with the love story--Thor is devoted to his scientist girlfriend Jane, but leaves her to go back to Asgard, simply promising that he will return to her; even by the end of Iron Man 2, no one was completely sure that Tony and Pepper were even actually dating (tiny spoiler alert: they do kiss and Tony makes a flippant reference to being in a "sort-of stable relationship", but we only get visual confirmation of them cuddling in The Avengers). Anyway, Steve has a big ol' crush on his Army liason, Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell):
She likes him too, but he's spent so much of his life being the forgettable weakling that he can barely fumble through a conversation with a girl, let alone date one. But when Cap finally gets his boots under him and strides out into the field to punch those goddamned Hydra Nazis in the face, he carries a talisman with him to remind him he's got a great lady manning the battle stations at home--when he flips his compass open to check their heading, you can see a photo of Peggy affixed to the inside of the lid:
That's just...sweet. Better still, it's sweet without being obnoxious about it, which means it's my favorite kind of declaration of affection--a sincere one.
2. Cyclops shows Wolverine a thing or two about marking territory (X-Men)
It's also no secret that Cyclops (along with Jean Grey, since the two go hand-in-hand as far as I'm concerned) is far and away one of my favorite X-Men. People have dissed the character for years for being too straitlaced and too much of a boy scout, but hey, those are the sort of guys I go for, when you get right down to it (we need more good guys in this world, not less of them), and his romance with Jean Grey, despite its speed bumps, was the stuff of my teenaged daydreams. (Sidebar: Naturally, I am unhappy with his "mutant genocide" agenda in recent issues and I never want anyone to even mention the words "Emma Frost" in my presence.) I was happy that for a moment, the otherwise collossally bad X-Men film gave the character fangs for a second; when Wolverine asks Cyke if he's telling him to stay away from his girl, Cyclops responds evenly, "If I had to do that, she wouldn't be my girl, would she?" then lets the conversation spin out before leaving Wolvie with the acidic parting shot of, "Oh, and Logan--stay away from my girl."
Now that's the Cyclops I fell in love with growing up.
3. Duke knows exactly what gift will make Scarlett take notice (G.I. Joe)
I can't get enough of this scene. In the five-part miniseries The M.A.S.S. Device, which was essentially the pilot for the G.I. Joe cartoon, Duke is captured by Cobra but eventually escapes. The rest of the team goes after Cobra, but Scarlett, boldly deciding to chase down Destro, is captured herself. After a few brave escape attempts, the rest of the team is able to find the secret Cobra base and bust Scarlett out:
Upon reaching her, Duke unshackles her from the wall and hands her her trusty crossbow, stating, "I was going to bring flowers. Instead I brought this." Scarlett takes the crossbow and proceeds to blow up a tank with it. Now that's a great present.
4. Hicks wants to guard Ripley's six (Aliens)
This is probably one of my favorite moments in cinema ever. It's not necessarily romantic unless you squint, but either way it's an awesome display of camraderie in a war zone. When LV-426 is beseiged by the titular aliens, Corporal Dwayne Hicks gives Ellen Ripley a tracking device, "that way I'll always know where you are." When she gives him a look, he smiles and says, "Don't get all excited, it's not an engagement ring."
They smile at each other, and then he shows her how to use one of his guns (a nice nod to the fact that Ripley is a science officer and thus was not trained for battle the way the Marines are, something people keep forgetting since Ripley keeps surviving). Later, when Hicks is injured, leaving the final battle up to Ripley, they exchange first names for the first time all film.
5. What happens in Budapest stays in Budapest (The Avengers)
There is definitely a canon on-again, off-again thing between Hawkeye and the Black Widow (currently off, as he's dating--and cheating on! Bad Hawkeye!--Spider-Woman, but there's always the question as to whether he and Tasha will ever be lovers again)--they are just perfect partners in the field, either way. While they're handled much better in the comics than on the silver screen (through no fault of Jeremy Renner, I've realized, who researched the character and was disappointed that he didn't get more unbrainwashed screen time), far, far better than the Widow's crocodile tears scene was the scene in which the two are in the final firefight against the invading aliens. "This is just like Budapest all over again," Natasha remarks, and Clint responds with, "You and I remember Budapest very differently."
It's a wonderful nod to a shared past, and that's part of what makes a set of perfect partners, which, as you all know, is my favorite kind of love story.
I'm not sure how you're Valentines' Days went this year (mine involved a delicious sushi dinner, an adorable Kre-O G.I. Joe set for a gift, and a decidely unpleasant half hour of towing the Coyote out of a snowbank that this idiot redhead got it stuck in) but wherever you are, whatever you do, whatever day of the year it may be, my dear team, a redhead and her plush wolf will always love you!