once again...
i broke down and cried tonight. a lot.
i was so stressed and so tired... even though i had tried very hard to hold myself together these last couple of weeks, it's all finally coming to a head. i don't know why exactly, but i think it was a combination of feeling extraordinarily lonely and small and insignificant plus the ginormous shitload of both school and work-work i have that cracked my self-control. it happened in the fishbowl, no less. it's funny how i still tried to be quiet, though i'm pretty sure the people walking by were very confused.
i've wanted to just bury myself into my bed and not care so many times in the past, but i told myself i couldn't do that, because that's not what the real me would do. i did that enough times last year. too many times to count. so i think it's a good thing this is the first time it's happened this school year. man, it's times like these that i worship my mother... even though she laughs at me for crying (as she did so tonight), it made me feel so good inside. she made everything seem so unimportant but important at the same time. she made me feel like even though i have this burden, it's not a heavy one - i just need to breathe. she is the voice of reason, the voice of love, and in her i invest so much of my comfort and security. damn, that lady has magic.
i love you mama. i can manage it - after all, i am your daughter, ne?
i was so stressed and so tired... even though i had tried very hard to hold myself together these last couple of weeks, it's all finally coming to a head. i don't know why exactly, but i think it was a combination of feeling extraordinarily lonely and small and insignificant plus the ginormous shitload of both school and work-work i have that cracked my self-control. it happened in the fishbowl, no less. it's funny how i still tried to be quiet, though i'm pretty sure the people walking by were very confused.
i've wanted to just bury myself into my bed and not care so many times in the past, but i told myself i couldn't do that, because that's not what the real me would do. i did that enough times last year. too many times to count. so i think it's a good thing this is the first time it's happened this school year. man, it's times like these that i worship my mother... even though she laughs at me for crying (as she did so tonight), it made me feel so good inside. she made everything seem so unimportant but important at the same time. she made me feel like even though i have this burden, it's not a heavy one - i just need to breathe. she is the voice of reason, the voice of love, and in her i invest so much of my comfort and security. damn, that lady has magic.
i love you mama. i can manage it - after all, i am your daughter, ne?