[fic] Crazy Love Chapter 13
Part of me was starting to think this would never happen, but here it is after a year of waiting. And it comes with a new userpic too!! First of all, I just want to apologize to everyone that has been waiting for this chapter, but also thank everyone that has been waiting. I knew this took a long ass time, but this chapter was seriously kicking my ass at one point. I had to start it over three times before I liked it at all. This is by far the hardest chapter of this story that I have written, since it's the chapter where Kame finally tells his story. If you don't know what I mean, read ahead, you'll soon figure it out.
Title: Crazy Love
Author: fireside_story
Chapter: 13/?
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,037
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I do not have any connections to KAT-TUN or any of the members past or present. I write this story for my own pleasure and make no profit from it.
Pairings: KameDa, KoKame, JunDa, Jinda (-ish), DenDen, mentions of past Akame. Basically it's a giant KAT-TUN orgy!! Well not quite.......
Summary: Ueda has been secretly in love with Kame for years but has been sleeping with Junno to try and forget about the younger man. Kame is still trying to mend his broken heart from when Jin left and is content with his relationship with Koki, that is until he starts working on a song with a certain piano man. As their relationship blossoms will Koki and Junno graciously step aside? And how will their new love handle the return of Jin into their lives.
Warnings: language, sexual content, details of attepmted rape
Beta'd: only by me... but I think I'm getting better at the editing thing, when I bother to do it that is.
Chapter 13
Outside a cloud shifted across the sky causing afternoon light to brightly fall into Kame's bedroom landing right on a sleeping Ueda's closed eyes. Clenching his eyes against the sudden brightness, Ueda attempted to bring one of his hands down to rub his eyes but wasn't able to. Trying to rapidly blink the sleep from his eyes, Ueda looked up at his hands noticing they were still handcuffed to the bars of the headboard. Trying to not give into the sudden wave of panic that rose through his body, Ueda looked around the room to take in all of his situation. He was lying on the bed, totally naked and exposed since the sheets had all been tossed on the floor during the many rounds of sex Kame and him had had that morning, and he was alone in the room. The situation was starting to look worse every second.
Ueda looked up at his wrist again, trying to reach the safety latch with his long fingers and failing. Heaving a sigh he tried again, twisting his wrists the other way as if it would help. Focusing on his fruitless task Ueda didn't notice Kame until he spoke. "Well this sure is a delicious sight."
Abandoning his effort Ueda looked towards the source of the sound, to find his lover leaning against the door jam, wearing nothing but his jeans which hung amazingly low on his hips since Kame had neglected to put his belt back on. Subconsciously Ueda bend his knees to hide the effect seeing Kame like that had on his body. Mentally scolding himself Ueda stopped his actions. Kame was now his lover, being turned on by seeing him half naked was nothing to be ashamed of. Sliding his feet back along the bed, Ueda stretched out his body, his eyes travelling down Kame's noticing little things, like how Kame's breathing seemed to become heavier, how the top button of his jeans was still undone, and how Kame's eyes were now glued to the raging erection between Ueda's legs.
"You care to help me out of these things?" Ueda flirted, flexing his hip muscles making his aching length bobble with the movement.
Stalking towards the bed, Kame straddled Ueda's knees, hands roaming over his lover's body as their eyes finally met again. Ueda nearly moaned at the sight of lust burning in Kame's dark eyes, he shifted under the weight of that lust as he began to feel his own respond to it. "Not really, since you look good enough to eat," Kame purred, dipping his head to engulf Ueda's length fully into his mouth and down his throat.
Ueda closed his eyes, a shuttered sigh of contentment passing his lips as he grabbed the bars of the headboard. It seemed Kame quite enjoyed the feeling of Ueda's cock in his mouth, as he had sucked off the older man any chance he got that morning. Feeling Kame's tongue massage the underside of his member, Ueda became determined to return the favour. He owed Kame a few blow jobs for all the times Kame had sucked him off over the last four days, and he had every intention of repaying that debt. Lying in bed, not able to do anything besides relish in the pleasure from Kame's mouth, Ueda's breathing quickly became heavier, until he was panting with pleasure his body deciding it had taken all the pleasure it could handle had the moment. With a shout Ueda emptied himself into Kame's mouth, arching his back sending shooting pain up his arms from a cramped muscle in his shoulders.
Quickly opening up Ueda's legs, Kame repositioned himself between them, frantically unzipping and removing his jeans. "How do you do this to me?" Kame whispered in Ueda's ear, voice thick with lust pushing his boxers to his knees. He didn't even care if he was fully naked, all that mattered was he in got inside Ueda and soon. "How do you turn me on so easily and make me want you so badly?"
"Kazuya," Ueda pleaded, pain evident in his voice and not the pleasure filled type of pain he usually enjoyed. Kame's head snapped up hearing the plea. Pulling his hand from the drawer, where he had been searching for the lube with no luck, he reached up and released the safety on the handcuffs, removing Ueda's wrists and placing the device on the bedside table for later use. Hissing in discomfort Ueda brought his arms down to his sides, releasing the cramping in his shoulders.
"That better?" Kame asked when Ueda had rolled onto his side to face him.
Ueda nodded, eyes searching over his lover again. He loved looking at Kame naked, part of him still not believing this was really happening between them. That after seven years of waiting and wanting, Ueda was finally able to call Kame his lover. 'Boyfriend' sounded juvenile, but with a smile Ueda realized that's exactly what Kame was to him now. Eyes falling towards Kame's waist, Ueda noticed the other man was still hard, even though he had pulled his boxers back in place to hide it. "How about you?" Ueda asked with a flirtatious smile and a quirk of his eyebrow. "How are you doing?"
Kame shrugged his right shoulder, "I'm doing alright."
Ueda smiled wider, fingers trailing along the waist band of Kame's boxers, "Even with your little problem? I can help you with it if you want," he stated coyly, making Kame do the begging this time.
Kame started breathing heavier through his nose, the muscles in his stomach jumping with the light touches of Ueda's fingers. Shrugging his shoulder again, aiming for a nonchalant response, even with the added breathiest in his voice, "I do want."
Dipping his hand past the waist band, Ueda pushed the fabric down with his wrist to expose Kame's arousal. Fingers lightly grazing the organ, Ueda teased "is this what you want?"
Shaking his head, Kame closed his eyes breath coming out in a shuttered sigh, "no."
"Tell me what you want," Ueda coaxed, keeping his voice light. He wanted Kame to tell him straight out what he wanted and how he wanted it.
"Jerk me off," Kame stated, a low moan passing through his lips as the feeling of Ueda's fingers on him drove him wild.
Ueda's smile turned flirtatious, watching the other man writhe from the feeling his fingers were provoking, knowing that it wasn't enough to satisfy the other man. Taking hold of Kame's cock, Ueda began jerking him slowly, "is this what you want?"
Closing his eyes Kame bite his lower lip in frustration, wondering why he always seemed to find lovers that enjoyed teasing him when he was turned on, "yes, but not like that."
Leaning in Ueda whispered against Kame's lips, "then show me."
Growling through his arousal, Kame grabbed Ueda's hand forcing him to grip him tighter and move faster. Turing so his back was against the headboard to make it easier on Ueda, Kame let his hand fall allowing Ueda to jerk him on his own. Normally the older man would have prolonged the teasing by slowing down until Kame's hand joined his again, but Ueda took pity on his lover and the state he was in. Knowing how much it hurt to have an unsatisfied arousal, Ueda decided to bring him the bliss quickly this time. Firming his grip around Kame's shaft, quickened the pace as much as he could, Kame shouting out with pleasure at the added friction. Within a few strokes Kame was gripping the sheets, knuckles turning white, as he reached his end spilling himself over Ueda's hand.
Slumping against the headboard Kame turned to the other man, "I usually last longer then that."
"I'm not judging you, though I'll have to take your word for it. I do plan on doing that more often, so I can learn what you like." Ueda stated, smiling lustfully at the younger man.
Kame reached towards the ground, picking up the pillows and arranging them along the headboard for them both. "Just as long as you cut back on that slow teasing crap."
"That was the first time I ever jerked you off. How was I supposed to know how you like it?" Ueda asked with feigned innocence.
Kame made a noise in the back of his throat, like he didn't believe the other man. Settling down on the pillows, Ueda propped himself up on his right elbow as he leaned on his side. He had been wondering something for awhile about Kame, but had been to afraid to ask. Taking hold of Kame's hand, he decided it was time to ask anyway. "There's something I want to ask you, but I'm afraid how you're going to react."
Kame quirked an eyebrow, bringing Ueda's fingers up to his lips. "You can ask me anything," he stated simply before brushing his lips lightly across Ueda's knuckles.
"Even if it's about Jin?" Ueda started, steeling himself to be shot down. There it was again, the fear in Kame's eyes at the mention of their old group mate. Fear that leaked from his eyes through Kame's entire body, telling Kame to run from the threat.
Letting go of Ueda's hand, Kame quickly got off the bed, "I can't talk about that."
Ueda's boxing reflexes kicked in, getting himself up on his knees and grabbing Kame's wrist before he could get too far away. "What happened between you two?" he started taking Kame's other hand, forcing the younger man to look at him. Coaxing the other man softly, he let one of his hands go and ran the back of his fingers down Kame's cheek to soothe him, "you can tell me. Whatever it is, I won't think any less of you or love you less."
Kame shook his head, tears welling in his eyes from the absolute fear he was feeling. "Please don't make me do this Tatsuya. You can ask me about anything else, just not this." Kame begged, reminding Ueda of a scared and cornered child.
Ueda shushed Kame in order to soothe him. He was not liking the reaction he was getting, but figured if he was this scared of Jin, or what he had done, it was something he needed to talk about. "Did he hit you?" Ueda asked in that same hushed tone.
Kame hung his head, but Ueda could still see the tears that fell down his cheeks, "only because I made him."
Ueda closed his eyes at the confession, not really that surprised to find out Jin had abused Kame while they dated. Opening his eyes again, Ueda hooked his finger under Kame's chin, forcing the other man's head up again. "You didn't make him do anything. I know he probably made it out to be your fault, but it wasn't."
Kame shook his head, looking away from Ueda his chin quivering. "You don't understand. I made him mad so he'd hit me and I could get away."
"What do you mean 'get away'? Ueda asked, this whole thing was starting to confuse him. How could Kame get away from an abusive relationship by making Jin hit him?
Kame hung his head again, tears falling so thick now he could barely speak. Taking a steadying breath, he spoke in the smallest voice Ueda had ever heard from him. "So that he couldn't rape me."
Ueda sat back on his heels shocked and not believing what he had just heard. He didn't know what was worse, knowing Jin had hit him or knowing he had tried to rape him. Both Ueda decided, he had done both, that was the worst. Turning up Kame's chin again, Ueda had to control his voice so the anger and disgust he was feeling towards his ex-group mate wouldn't end up in his voice. He didn't want Kame to think he was mad at him for any reason. "He did what?"
Kame took a shuttered breath trying to talk past the tears, fear and shame that he felt whenever he thought about that night. This was the first time he had actually been able to say those words, having shut Koki out whenever he had tried to talk to Kame about it. Maybe that was why the nightmares still plagued him, since he refused to talk, refused to let himself get over it and instead be controlled by fear. There was really only one way to figure it out. Looking Ueda straight in the eye, Kame straightened to try and give himself the confidence to say the words again above a whisper, "he tried to rape me."
Ueda sat stunned, not sure how hearing it again was going to make it all better. It didn't, in fact it made it worse. Taking a few breathes Ueda tried to stamped his fury. Getting mad at Kame wasn't going to help, since that wasn't who he was really mad at. But one thing was for sure, if Ueda ever saw Jin again he was going to kick the living shit out of him. He knew Jin had slowly turned into an utter asshole, but he had never expected to find out it had been this bad.
Then there was the part of Ueda that was furious with himself. The man he claimed to be madly in love with had been almost raped, and he hadn't even noticed. Ueda had no clue when this had happened, shouldn't he have noticed what Kame was going through? He claimed to be Kame friend, yet he hadn't noticed when Kame had needed him the most. Taking a deep breath, Ueda closed his eyes as he let it out slowly. This was not the time to berate himself for not noticing what Kame had obviously not wanted him to notice. Now was the time to help Kame through this, so maybe he could start to heal. Pulling Kame back on the bed, Ueda cupped his lover's face, "Tell me what happened, tell me everything."
Kame, who had never really talked about his relationship with Jin, found himself starting at the very beginning. "I don't think I can ever forget the day it started when I was sixteen. We were fighting like usual back then, just yelling at each other nothing else, when the next thing either of us realized we were kissing. It ended as sudden as it had started, once we both realized what happened and sort of pushed away from each other." Kame laughed softly, a small smile in place as he remembered the past almost fondly.
Ueda took hold of Kame's hand as the younger man continued, "I remember he looked so surprised, almost scared. He took off without saying another word and I honestly thought that was the end of it, but he asked me out a week later. Soon he became my first everything. My first kiss with another boy, first real date, my first boyfriend. I lost my virginity to him on my eighteenth birthday. My first love." Kame said the last part quietly, before looking down at their joined hands. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to go on.
"When he left for America I seriously thought we were over, but we stayed together through it with emails and phone calls. When he came back I was so happy. I thought if we could make it through that, we could make it through anything. That our love could last forever, but you know how he changed after that trip."
Ueda nodded, not really sure if Kame wanted his input but he said it anyway. "It was slow, so none of us noticed at first, but he was different."
Kame nodded, wiping away some of the tears that were silently falling down his cheeks, "It was the same with our relationship. We started arguing more, and I started spending more nights alone. He started coming to practises with hickeys that I hadn't given him. I even confronted Reio, who confirmed my suspicion that Jin hadn't been faithful to me when they were in America." Kame scoffed, running free hand through his hair.
"I should've left him. I knew he was cheating on me, but I was young and blinded by my love for him. I thought it was all a phase and if I just waited for him to get it out of his system, we could go back to the way we used to be. But I felt him slipping away from me, I just didn't want to admit it. Then I introduced him to Meisa and he left me that night."
Kame looked away, more tears falling down his cheeks as he mourned the love he'd had and lost. "The break-up followed by him leaving the group left me devastated. I stopped really caring about myself and just started sleeping around. For months I slept with any guy that would have me, most of them over Johnny's. I was mad at Jin for leaving, but more mad at myself for letting him go. I wanted him to know how much I was hurting, and to get back at him for leaving so I seduced Yamapi. I knew it was a dumb thing to do, and the sex wasn't even that good, but I got my wish. Jin found out."
Kame turned to face Ueda again, but he knew Kame wasn't really looking at him. He was seeing that night over again, reliving his worst nightmare, as the tears started to fall more quickly making it harder for him to talk. "It was after one of my Dream Boys performances, he came backstage looking for me. I had just changed and had made plans to head over to Koki's for a beer, but really I was planning on seducing him too. Then Jin cornered me outside my dressing room."
Ueda shifted on the bed, crossing his legs so he could take both of Kame's hands into his own. Kame's body had started to tremble with fear, and Ueda wanted more then anything to take that fear, and the haunted look in Kame's eyes, away. But he knew the only way of doing that was to let Kame finish, so he sat and waited patiently giving Kame all the time he need to collect himself before continuing.
"I didn't even see when I walked past him, which probably pissed him off more. Suddenly I was pushed against the wall, with him looming in front of me. I asked what he was doing, screamed it at him actually, and all he did was smile. But it wasn't the smile I knew, it was creepy and possessive. He said he was reclaiming what was rightfully his. I tried to fight him off, to get away, but he was stronger then me and fought back, ripping the front of my shirt. I had this awful sinking suspicion of what he was going to do to me, but my fear was slowly working against me, panic threatening to choke me if I didn't get away. I started screaming at him. I don't even remember what I said, I just wanted to make him mad. It worked and he hit me. That's when I ran."
Ueda looked over his lover, he wanted to reach out and comfort him in some way but was scared that any movement would break him out of his story. Part of Ueda wanted to, desperately wanted to make him stop reliving this, but he was also scared that if Kame stopped now he would never talk about this again. He'd never be free of it. Wiping away his own tears, Ueda took hold of Kame's hands again, the trembling becoming worse.
Kame took a sharp breath, the tears freely flowing now. Clenching his eyes, he forced himself to continue talking. "I ran as fast as I could. I didn't even know where I was going for some of it, just that I had to get away. I could hear him coming after me, catching up to me, and I didn't want that to happen. I just happened to stumble upon a corridor that ended in an exit. I was almost there when he finally caught me.
"He pushed me face first into the wall, hands roaming all over my body. He told me, that he'd always catch me, no matter how fast I was. I was so scared," Kame's voice hitched and he took a shuttered breath to try and control the sobbing that was threatening to take over him.
"He turned me around, slamming the back of my head against the wall. He told me I had made him do this, with all my sleeping around. That he was just reminding me that I was his. I'd always be his. His little turtle." Kame broke down, saying the old pet name Jin used to have for him. Ueda closed his eyes, connecting his own memories of this time. They all used to call Kame 'turtle', then suddenly he hated it and no one knew why. Now Ueda knew.
Catching his breath Kame wanted to stop, he didn't want to remember what almost happened next. Gripping onto Ueda's hands tighter, he used them to give him strength to do the one thing he hadn't been able to with anyone else. "He started undoing both of our pants, that's when I knew I had to get out of there. That's when I knew he was planning on-" Kame stopped clenching his eyes shut, getting ready to force himself to say the word.
"That he was planning on raping me. He didn't think of it as rape, but that's what it was going to be. I noticed I had a bit of an opening to get away, but I had to act fast. I planted my foot on the ground between his feet, then kneed him in the balls as hard as I could. I didn't even look back to see if he was down, just ran out of the exit door into the rain and my car. I don't even remember how I got to Koki's just that I did. That I was safe."
Ueda finally reached out to Kame, seeing his lover's attention return to the present and to him. Brushing his tears off his cheeks, Ueda sniffled against his own tears that had been falling. "That what you meant by he was there for you when you needed it. When you needed time to trust him, and when he made you feel safe."
Kame nodded looking down at his hands in Ueda's, breathing through his mouth. The trembling had stopped, but the tears were still flowing, though not as badly now.
"Did you ever tell him?" Ueda asked gently.
Shaking his head, Kame looked back up at Ueda, at the man that had given him the strength to finally talk about this. "But he figured it out. I told him it was only attempted, but he said it didn't make much difference. I never told him who it was though."
Ueda agreed with Koki, it had only been attempted rape since Kame had been able to get away. Settling himself among the pillows again, Ueda reached out and pulled Kame up to him. There was nothing sexual about the embrace, even with the fact he was naked and Kame only wore a pair of boxers. As Ueda held him, Kame was finally able to let the last bit of fear from his system, as he cried into his lover's chest. Full heart wrenching, body rocking sobs, that sounded like they'd never end. Ueda sat there, stroking Kame's hair as he sobbed, whispering that he was there, that Kame would never be alone again, and that he loved him. Ueda knew Kame was far from healed from his ordeal, but he hoped that that one day, with his help, Kame would get over this. Kissing the top of Kame's head Ueda made a silent vow, he hoped that he'd never see Jin again. Because if he did, he wouldn't be responsible for whatever he did to him.
Title: Crazy Love
Author: fireside_story
Chapter: 13/?
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,037
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I do not have any connections to KAT-TUN or any of the members past or present. I write this story for my own pleasure and make no profit from it.
Pairings: KameDa, KoKame, JunDa, Jinda (-ish), DenDen, mentions of past Akame. Basically it's a giant KAT-TUN orgy!! Well not quite.......
Summary: Ueda has been secretly in love with Kame for years but has been sleeping with Junno to try and forget about the younger man. Kame is still trying to mend his broken heart from when Jin left and is content with his relationship with Koki, that is until he starts working on a song with a certain piano man. As their relationship blossoms will Koki and Junno graciously step aside? And how will their new love handle the return of Jin into their lives.
Warnings: language, sexual content, details of attepmted rape
Beta'd: only by me... but I think I'm getting better at the editing thing, when I bother to do it that is.
Chapter 13
Outside a cloud shifted across the sky causing afternoon light to brightly fall into Kame's bedroom landing right on a sleeping Ueda's closed eyes. Clenching his eyes against the sudden brightness, Ueda attempted to bring one of his hands down to rub his eyes but wasn't able to. Trying to rapidly blink the sleep from his eyes, Ueda looked up at his hands noticing they were still handcuffed to the bars of the headboard. Trying to not give into the sudden wave of panic that rose through his body, Ueda looked around the room to take in all of his situation. He was lying on the bed, totally naked and exposed since the sheets had all been tossed on the floor during the many rounds of sex Kame and him had had that morning, and he was alone in the room. The situation was starting to look worse every second.
Ueda looked up at his wrist again, trying to reach the safety latch with his long fingers and failing. Heaving a sigh he tried again, twisting his wrists the other way as if it would help. Focusing on his fruitless task Ueda didn't notice Kame until he spoke. "Well this sure is a delicious sight."
Abandoning his effort Ueda looked towards the source of the sound, to find his lover leaning against the door jam, wearing nothing but his jeans which hung amazingly low on his hips since Kame had neglected to put his belt back on. Subconsciously Ueda bend his knees to hide the effect seeing Kame like that had on his body. Mentally scolding himself Ueda stopped his actions. Kame was now his lover, being turned on by seeing him half naked was nothing to be ashamed of. Sliding his feet back along the bed, Ueda stretched out his body, his eyes travelling down Kame's noticing little things, like how Kame's breathing seemed to become heavier, how the top button of his jeans was still undone, and how Kame's eyes were now glued to the raging erection between Ueda's legs.
"You care to help me out of these things?" Ueda flirted, flexing his hip muscles making his aching length bobble with the movement.
Stalking towards the bed, Kame straddled Ueda's knees, hands roaming over his lover's body as their eyes finally met again. Ueda nearly moaned at the sight of lust burning in Kame's dark eyes, he shifted under the weight of that lust as he began to feel his own respond to it. "Not really, since you look good enough to eat," Kame purred, dipping his head to engulf Ueda's length fully into his mouth and down his throat.
Ueda closed his eyes, a shuttered sigh of contentment passing his lips as he grabbed the bars of the headboard. It seemed Kame quite enjoyed the feeling of Ueda's cock in his mouth, as he had sucked off the older man any chance he got that morning. Feeling Kame's tongue massage the underside of his member, Ueda became determined to return the favour. He owed Kame a few blow jobs for all the times Kame had sucked him off over the last four days, and he had every intention of repaying that debt. Lying in bed, not able to do anything besides relish in the pleasure from Kame's mouth, Ueda's breathing quickly became heavier, until he was panting with pleasure his body deciding it had taken all the pleasure it could handle had the moment. With a shout Ueda emptied himself into Kame's mouth, arching his back sending shooting pain up his arms from a cramped muscle in his shoulders.
Quickly opening up Ueda's legs, Kame repositioned himself between them, frantically unzipping and removing his jeans. "How do you do this to me?" Kame whispered in Ueda's ear, voice thick with lust pushing his boxers to his knees. He didn't even care if he was fully naked, all that mattered was he in got inside Ueda and soon. "How do you turn me on so easily and make me want you so badly?"
"Kazuya," Ueda pleaded, pain evident in his voice and not the pleasure filled type of pain he usually enjoyed. Kame's head snapped up hearing the plea. Pulling his hand from the drawer, where he had been searching for the lube with no luck, he reached up and released the safety on the handcuffs, removing Ueda's wrists and placing the device on the bedside table for later use. Hissing in discomfort Ueda brought his arms down to his sides, releasing the cramping in his shoulders.
"That better?" Kame asked when Ueda had rolled onto his side to face him.
Ueda nodded, eyes searching over his lover again. He loved looking at Kame naked, part of him still not believing this was really happening between them. That after seven years of waiting and wanting, Ueda was finally able to call Kame his lover. 'Boyfriend' sounded juvenile, but with a smile Ueda realized that's exactly what Kame was to him now. Eyes falling towards Kame's waist, Ueda noticed the other man was still hard, even though he had pulled his boxers back in place to hide it. "How about you?" Ueda asked with a flirtatious smile and a quirk of his eyebrow. "How are you doing?"
Kame shrugged his right shoulder, "I'm doing alright."
Ueda smiled wider, fingers trailing along the waist band of Kame's boxers, "Even with your little problem? I can help you with it if you want," he stated coyly, making Kame do the begging this time.
Kame started breathing heavier through his nose, the muscles in his stomach jumping with the light touches of Ueda's fingers. Shrugging his shoulder again, aiming for a nonchalant response, even with the added breathiest in his voice, "I do want."
Dipping his hand past the waist band, Ueda pushed the fabric down with his wrist to expose Kame's arousal. Fingers lightly grazing the organ, Ueda teased "is this what you want?"
Shaking his head, Kame closed his eyes breath coming out in a shuttered sigh, "no."
"Tell me what you want," Ueda coaxed, keeping his voice light. He wanted Kame to tell him straight out what he wanted and how he wanted it.
"Jerk me off," Kame stated, a low moan passing through his lips as the feeling of Ueda's fingers on him drove him wild.
Ueda's smile turned flirtatious, watching the other man writhe from the feeling his fingers were provoking, knowing that it wasn't enough to satisfy the other man. Taking hold of Kame's cock, Ueda began jerking him slowly, "is this what you want?"
Closing his eyes Kame bite his lower lip in frustration, wondering why he always seemed to find lovers that enjoyed teasing him when he was turned on, "yes, but not like that."
Leaning in Ueda whispered against Kame's lips, "then show me."
Growling through his arousal, Kame grabbed Ueda's hand forcing him to grip him tighter and move faster. Turing so his back was against the headboard to make it easier on Ueda, Kame let his hand fall allowing Ueda to jerk him on his own. Normally the older man would have prolonged the teasing by slowing down until Kame's hand joined his again, but Ueda took pity on his lover and the state he was in. Knowing how much it hurt to have an unsatisfied arousal, Ueda decided to bring him the bliss quickly this time. Firming his grip around Kame's shaft, quickened the pace as much as he could, Kame shouting out with pleasure at the added friction. Within a few strokes Kame was gripping the sheets, knuckles turning white, as he reached his end spilling himself over Ueda's hand.
Slumping against the headboard Kame turned to the other man, "I usually last longer then that."
"I'm not judging you, though I'll have to take your word for it. I do plan on doing that more often, so I can learn what you like." Ueda stated, smiling lustfully at the younger man.
Kame reached towards the ground, picking up the pillows and arranging them along the headboard for them both. "Just as long as you cut back on that slow teasing crap."
"That was the first time I ever jerked you off. How was I supposed to know how you like it?" Ueda asked with feigned innocence.
Kame made a noise in the back of his throat, like he didn't believe the other man. Settling down on the pillows, Ueda propped himself up on his right elbow as he leaned on his side. He had been wondering something for awhile about Kame, but had been to afraid to ask. Taking hold of Kame's hand, he decided it was time to ask anyway. "There's something I want to ask you, but I'm afraid how you're going to react."
Kame quirked an eyebrow, bringing Ueda's fingers up to his lips. "You can ask me anything," he stated simply before brushing his lips lightly across Ueda's knuckles.
"Even if it's about Jin?" Ueda started, steeling himself to be shot down. There it was again, the fear in Kame's eyes at the mention of their old group mate. Fear that leaked from his eyes through Kame's entire body, telling Kame to run from the threat.
Letting go of Ueda's hand, Kame quickly got off the bed, "I can't talk about that."
Ueda's boxing reflexes kicked in, getting himself up on his knees and grabbing Kame's wrist before he could get too far away. "What happened between you two?" he started taking Kame's other hand, forcing the younger man to look at him. Coaxing the other man softly, he let one of his hands go and ran the back of his fingers down Kame's cheek to soothe him, "you can tell me. Whatever it is, I won't think any less of you or love you less."
Kame shook his head, tears welling in his eyes from the absolute fear he was feeling. "Please don't make me do this Tatsuya. You can ask me about anything else, just not this." Kame begged, reminding Ueda of a scared and cornered child.
Ueda shushed Kame in order to soothe him. He was not liking the reaction he was getting, but figured if he was this scared of Jin, or what he had done, it was something he needed to talk about. "Did he hit you?" Ueda asked in that same hushed tone.
Kame hung his head, but Ueda could still see the tears that fell down his cheeks, "only because I made him."
Ueda closed his eyes at the confession, not really that surprised to find out Jin had abused Kame while they dated. Opening his eyes again, Ueda hooked his finger under Kame's chin, forcing the other man's head up again. "You didn't make him do anything. I know he probably made it out to be your fault, but it wasn't."
Kame shook his head, looking away from Ueda his chin quivering. "You don't understand. I made him mad so he'd hit me and I could get away."
"What do you mean 'get away'? Ueda asked, this whole thing was starting to confuse him. How could Kame get away from an abusive relationship by making Jin hit him?
Kame hung his head again, tears falling so thick now he could barely speak. Taking a steadying breath, he spoke in the smallest voice Ueda had ever heard from him. "So that he couldn't rape me."
Ueda sat back on his heels shocked and not believing what he had just heard. He didn't know what was worse, knowing Jin had hit him or knowing he had tried to rape him. Both Ueda decided, he had done both, that was the worst. Turning up Kame's chin again, Ueda had to control his voice so the anger and disgust he was feeling towards his ex-group mate wouldn't end up in his voice. He didn't want Kame to think he was mad at him for any reason. "He did what?"
Kame took a shuttered breath trying to talk past the tears, fear and shame that he felt whenever he thought about that night. This was the first time he had actually been able to say those words, having shut Koki out whenever he had tried to talk to Kame about it. Maybe that was why the nightmares still plagued him, since he refused to talk, refused to let himself get over it and instead be controlled by fear. There was really only one way to figure it out. Looking Ueda straight in the eye, Kame straightened to try and give himself the confidence to say the words again above a whisper, "he tried to rape me."
Ueda sat stunned, not sure how hearing it again was going to make it all better. It didn't, in fact it made it worse. Taking a few breathes Ueda tried to stamped his fury. Getting mad at Kame wasn't going to help, since that wasn't who he was really mad at. But one thing was for sure, if Ueda ever saw Jin again he was going to kick the living shit out of him. He knew Jin had slowly turned into an utter asshole, but he had never expected to find out it had been this bad.
Then there was the part of Ueda that was furious with himself. The man he claimed to be madly in love with had been almost raped, and he hadn't even noticed. Ueda had no clue when this had happened, shouldn't he have noticed what Kame was going through? He claimed to be Kame friend, yet he hadn't noticed when Kame had needed him the most. Taking a deep breath, Ueda closed his eyes as he let it out slowly. This was not the time to berate himself for not noticing what Kame had obviously not wanted him to notice. Now was the time to help Kame through this, so maybe he could start to heal. Pulling Kame back on the bed, Ueda cupped his lover's face, "Tell me what happened, tell me everything."
Kame, who had never really talked about his relationship with Jin, found himself starting at the very beginning. "I don't think I can ever forget the day it started when I was sixteen. We were fighting like usual back then, just yelling at each other nothing else, when the next thing either of us realized we were kissing. It ended as sudden as it had started, once we both realized what happened and sort of pushed away from each other." Kame laughed softly, a small smile in place as he remembered the past almost fondly.
Ueda took hold of Kame's hand as the younger man continued, "I remember he looked so surprised, almost scared. He took off without saying another word and I honestly thought that was the end of it, but he asked me out a week later. Soon he became my first everything. My first kiss with another boy, first real date, my first boyfriend. I lost my virginity to him on my eighteenth birthday. My first love." Kame said the last part quietly, before looking down at their joined hands. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to go on.
"When he left for America I seriously thought we were over, but we stayed together through it with emails and phone calls. When he came back I was so happy. I thought if we could make it through that, we could make it through anything. That our love could last forever, but you know how he changed after that trip."
Ueda nodded, not really sure if Kame wanted his input but he said it anyway. "It was slow, so none of us noticed at first, but he was different."
Kame nodded, wiping away some of the tears that were silently falling down his cheeks, "It was the same with our relationship. We started arguing more, and I started spending more nights alone. He started coming to practises with hickeys that I hadn't given him. I even confronted Reio, who confirmed my suspicion that Jin hadn't been faithful to me when they were in America." Kame scoffed, running free hand through his hair.
"I should've left him. I knew he was cheating on me, but I was young and blinded by my love for him. I thought it was all a phase and if I just waited for him to get it out of his system, we could go back to the way we used to be. But I felt him slipping away from me, I just didn't want to admit it. Then I introduced him to Meisa and he left me that night."
Kame looked away, more tears falling down his cheeks as he mourned the love he'd had and lost. "The break-up followed by him leaving the group left me devastated. I stopped really caring about myself and just started sleeping around. For months I slept with any guy that would have me, most of them over Johnny's. I was mad at Jin for leaving, but more mad at myself for letting him go. I wanted him to know how much I was hurting, and to get back at him for leaving so I seduced Yamapi. I knew it was a dumb thing to do, and the sex wasn't even that good, but I got my wish. Jin found out."
Kame turned to face Ueda again, but he knew Kame wasn't really looking at him. He was seeing that night over again, reliving his worst nightmare, as the tears started to fall more quickly making it harder for him to talk. "It was after one of my Dream Boys performances, he came backstage looking for me. I had just changed and had made plans to head over to Koki's for a beer, but really I was planning on seducing him too. Then Jin cornered me outside my dressing room."
Ueda shifted on the bed, crossing his legs so he could take both of Kame's hands into his own. Kame's body had started to tremble with fear, and Ueda wanted more then anything to take that fear, and the haunted look in Kame's eyes, away. But he knew the only way of doing that was to let Kame finish, so he sat and waited patiently giving Kame all the time he need to collect himself before continuing.
"I didn't even see when I walked past him, which probably pissed him off more. Suddenly I was pushed against the wall, with him looming in front of me. I asked what he was doing, screamed it at him actually, and all he did was smile. But it wasn't the smile I knew, it was creepy and possessive. He said he was reclaiming what was rightfully his. I tried to fight him off, to get away, but he was stronger then me and fought back, ripping the front of my shirt. I had this awful sinking suspicion of what he was going to do to me, but my fear was slowly working against me, panic threatening to choke me if I didn't get away. I started screaming at him. I don't even remember what I said, I just wanted to make him mad. It worked and he hit me. That's when I ran."
Ueda looked over his lover, he wanted to reach out and comfort him in some way but was scared that any movement would break him out of his story. Part of Ueda wanted to, desperately wanted to make him stop reliving this, but he was also scared that if Kame stopped now he would never talk about this again. He'd never be free of it. Wiping away his own tears, Ueda took hold of Kame's hands again, the trembling becoming worse.
Kame took a sharp breath, the tears freely flowing now. Clenching his eyes, he forced himself to continue talking. "I ran as fast as I could. I didn't even know where I was going for some of it, just that I had to get away. I could hear him coming after me, catching up to me, and I didn't want that to happen. I just happened to stumble upon a corridor that ended in an exit. I was almost there when he finally caught me.
"He pushed me face first into the wall, hands roaming all over my body. He told me, that he'd always catch me, no matter how fast I was. I was so scared," Kame's voice hitched and he took a shuttered breath to try and control the sobbing that was threatening to take over him.
"He turned me around, slamming the back of my head against the wall. He told me I had made him do this, with all my sleeping around. That he was just reminding me that I was his. I'd always be his. His little turtle." Kame broke down, saying the old pet name Jin used to have for him. Ueda closed his eyes, connecting his own memories of this time. They all used to call Kame 'turtle', then suddenly he hated it and no one knew why. Now Ueda knew.
Catching his breath Kame wanted to stop, he didn't want to remember what almost happened next. Gripping onto Ueda's hands tighter, he used them to give him strength to do the one thing he hadn't been able to with anyone else. "He started undoing both of our pants, that's when I knew I had to get out of there. That's when I knew he was planning on-" Kame stopped clenching his eyes shut, getting ready to force himself to say the word.
"That he was planning on raping me. He didn't think of it as rape, but that's what it was going to be. I noticed I had a bit of an opening to get away, but I had to act fast. I planted my foot on the ground between his feet, then kneed him in the balls as hard as I could. I didn't even look back to see if he was down, just ran out of the exit door into the rain and my car. I don't even remember how I got to Koki's just that I did. That I was safe."
Ueda finally reached out to Kame, seeing his lover's attention return to the present and to him. Brushing his tears off his cheeks, Ueda sniffled against his own tears that had been falling. "That what you meant by he was there for you when you needed it. When you needed time to trust him, and when he made you feel safe."
Kame nodded looking down at his hands in Ueda's, breathing through his mouth. The trembling had stopped, but the tears were still flowing, though not as badly now.
"Did you ever tell him?" Ueda asked gently.
Shaking his head, Kame looked back up at Ueda, at the man that had given him the strength to finally talk about this. "But he figured it out. I told him it was only attempted, but he said it didn't make much difference. I never told him who it was though."
Ueda agreed with Koki, it had only been attempted rape since Kame had been able to get away. Settling himself among the pillows again, Ueda reached out and pulled Kame up to him. There was nothing sexual about the embrace, even with the fact he was naked and Kame only wore a pair of boxers. As Ueda held him, Kame was finally able to let the last bit of fear from his system, as he cried into his lover's chest. Full heart wrenching, body rocking sobs, that sounded like they'd never end. Ueda sat there, stroking Kame's hair as he sobbed, whispering that he was there, that Kame would never be alone again, and that he loved him. Ueda knew Kame was far from healed from his ordeal, but he hoped that that one day, with his help, Kame would get over this. Kissing the top of Kame's head Ueda made a silent vow, he hoped that he'd never see Jin again. Because if he did, he wouldn't be responsible for whatever he did to him.