In which Amy tries to comfort a bit
[Cowritten with failuretotrust.]
Not long after Sam told her he was being sent on a mission, Beth's job ended. It had wrapped up a lot easier than it was supposed to. She really wasn't in the mood to go home and be alone again, and she declined Max's invitation to stay with him. Instead she called Amy. She hadn't seen Amy in a long time and she missed her. All it took was a phone call and Amy was setting herself up at a hotel just a town away.
Beth let herself relax on the train ride over. She always loved Italy. Before too long she was making her way up to Amy's door at the rustic hotel and knocking on the door.
Amy opened the door with a wide smile, pulling it back and to let her in. "Hey honey, how's it going?" Beth sighed and stood there for a moment, before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around the woman's neck. She really didn't have a lot to say about everything. Though Amy might notice the ring on her finger. Amy pulled her in close, rubbing her back lightly and choosing to ignore the ring for the time being.
After staying close for awhile, Beth pulled back and ran her hand through her hair with a sigh. She was starting to get emotional again, and she wasn't so sure it was hormones. She figured it was too soon for that. "Hi," she finally said softly.
"Hi," she said with a grin. "What brings you by?"
"Wanted to see you," she shrugged with a smile. "Isn't that enough?"
"Of course," she nodded. "Just curious as to the reasoning."
"Because...I feel like when we spend time together..." she shrugged. "It's just us...not...the rest of the world coming in."
"Ah," she nodded slowly, moving a hand to brush against the side of her face lightly. "I understand that." She closed her eyes at the touch and sighed, before leaning in to kiss her lightly. Amy kissed her back, before pulling away slightly. "I'm not sure how your fiance would feel about us, though."
Beth sighed and shrugged. "Sam...knows you and I are close. He doesn't ask questions. He doesn't protest."
"Just checking," Amy replied softly.
"He'd be up for a fight if he tried telling me something otherwise," she smirked, moving closer.
She chuckled lightly, before taking her hand and pulling her back towards the couch. "C'mon -- tell me how things are going."
Beth shrugged and sat down, curling her legs under herself. "Not much on my end. Pregnant."
"Really?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "Well then."
"I know." She said it brightly, but there was slight fear on her face. She watched her hands. "Me..a mom."
"I think you'll be fantastic at it," she said with a wide smile. "And look rather hot to boot. I'm surprised Sam actually let you leave the same room he was in."
She raised a disbelieving eye. "Are you kidding me? I'm going to bloat up like a whale and lose my figure." She shook her head. Honestly, out of the two big developments...it was the pregnancy that was starting to settle well with her more than the other.
"Pregnant woman are hot," Amy laughed. "I could tell you a long list of things I've always wanted to do to a pregnant woman."
"I'd rather that than a list of pregnant women you have done," Beth smirked playfully.
"Well, that's a rather short list. Most pregnant women are a bit more committed to their significant other."
"Right," she said softly. Her face changed a bit more serious as she looked down at her hands. "I guess so."
"I'm not saying that you and Sam are wrong, honey." She moved her hand, slowly, bringing her fingers under Beth's chin so that she was looking at her. "Everybody's different."
She looked up, tears coming to her eyes. She shook her head. She hated this. Hated that she had become an emotional, weak woman. "Maybe we are," she shrugged. "Maybe..." she shook her head. She didn't know what she was trying to say.
"Just say it," Amy said softly. "Whatever's on your mind, just say it -- whether or not it makes any sense."
"I don't...know that I'm ready to be a wife." She turned her ring on her finger, hiding the stone in her palm. Somehow it made her feel slightly less guilty for what she was feeling. "I'm not sure I'm ready to be his wife."
"Does he know this?"
She shook her head. "I can't say that to him. I..." Her hands ran over her face. "I don't know what I'm saying. I...never do anymore."
"Does anyone ever know what they're saying?"
"I'm...not the one he needs anymore," she said softly. "I was...but I'm not.." it was a bit of a struggle to say his name. "I'm not Dean. He belongs with his brother. Not...struggling through things with me."
"Do you love him, honey? More than anything, for better or worse, till death do you part?"
"I love him...he's...he's Sam. We went through a lot over the past few years...I...do love him.." Her eyes tipped up to the ceiling, trying to not cry. She didn't want to cry every time she saw Amy.
"Can you imagine your life without him?"
"He needs his brother," she nodded, keeping her eyes up and avoiding the question.
"Beth -- forget Dean for a moment. If Dean had never come back, how would you feel about Sam's proposal?"
Her eyes closed, forcing the tears she'd been holding in to hit her cheeks. "Dean did come back. Sam proposed because I got pregnant."
"Dean is not a factor," Amy replied. "He's made it clear that he's not heavily involved in your lives, and you shouldn't consider him that way. This is about you and Sam."
"No," she said sharply. She opened her eyes in a slight glare, though not meant to be at Amy, just in general. "Dean is a factor. Whether he wants to be or not. Because I see the look in Sam's eyes when he talks about his brother...I hear the way he mentions him, no matter how hard he tries to play it off. To Sam...Dean will always be a factor, and they need to deal with that. And I can't..." Her eyes closed again and she closed her mouth tightly. She honestly didn't know where that sentence had wanted to go.
"Look, honey, Sam isn't running off to try and save the world with Dean, alright? He's coming home to you. Which means he wants to be with you."
She looked down at her hands, swallowing the emotional overflow that was trying to come up. Her fingers twisted together as she thought. There was just one thing that she wasn't so sure Amy could argue against, and it had been making her feel horrible. Like she was betraying Sam. And she didn't know how to admit it without sounding like a horrible person.
Amy watched her for a moment, before sliding her arms around her and pulling her in closer. "Tell me, sweetie. You'll feel better if you do."
Beth leaned into her, holding onto her arms and tucking her face into Amy's shoulder. "You'll think I'm crazy."
"No, I won't," Amy sighed. "I've been around for centuries, Beth. I've heard it all."
"I still love Dean," she said quietly, gripping on tighter. She thought herself crazy, hearing the words out loud.
"Is it the same way you love Sam?"
"I...I don't know. I don't know what it means, I just...can't make it go away. And I don't know that Sam can understand that. I don't want to hurt him."
Amy paused for a moment, before starting to rub her shoulder lightly. "I don't think Sam will ever expect you to stop loving Dean. Or, at least, loving who he was. Just like Sam will never stop loving Dean. There's a part of you that is always going to care about him. But you're with Sam. You're having Sam's baby, and you said you'd marry him." She paused for a minute, before looking over at her again. "Do you want to go back to Dean?"
She moved up at a bit, just resting against Amy now. "He's not the same Dean," she said softly.
"No, he's not. And that changes things."
"I know," she said quietly, taking Amy's fingers in hers. "That's...I.." She bit her lip. "I don't know...maybe....maybe I just need to know if - even though it..doesn't matter - maybe I need to know if he...still loves me, too."
"In order to find that, you're going to actually have to speak with him," Amy said softly. "You can't read his mind."
"Doesn't mean he'll say either way," she murmured. "He'd probably just...say whatever he has to to get rid of me."
"You know how to read people, don't you? I bet you could probably tell when he's lying."
"I know," she nodded. "I guess...I need to hear it. I don't...know why."
"Well, I'm sure that he wants to make things easier for you, Beth. Just -- talk to him. I know it won't be easy, but -- without all the shock, you can probably clear the air of whatever's there. Give yourself some closure."
She nodded, taking it in and considering it. She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "I'm sorry." She moved, sliding a leg over Amy's lap and settling in against her. "Lately it seems...the only time you see me I'm...out of my mind."
"Yes, but I like to think we're friends. If you can't come to me when you're out of your mind, then when can you?"
"Hmm." She thought, then ran a slow finger down Amy's chest. "When I miss you?"
"When you miss me, what?" Amy teased slightly, raising an eyebrow.
She smirked, her fingers traveling down. "I can come to you when I miss you."
"That too," Amy said with a grin, starting to pull her in closer.
She moved closer, smiling. She wanted to just relax for awhile. "And did you miss me?"
"Always," Amy nodded, brushing a hand over her face lightly.
"Mmm," she leaned into the touch. "Show me?"
"Of course," Amy nodded, before pulling her in for a warm kiss.
Her arms moved around Amy's neck as she kissed her back. "Can always count on you," she chuckled.
Amy laughed as she pulled her in leaning in to the kiss and letting her hands run down over her back. Beth shivered at the touch and pushed her hips in closer, still smiling. She liked when they could just laugh together. It made it all the more relaxing. Amy slid her fingers under the edge of her clothes, brushing against her body lightly and trying to make her as comfortable as possible.
And Beth did indeed relax, only hoping she could make Amy feel the same. Amy was always relaxed. It didn't take long, and soon she was curling up next to Beth on the couch.
Beth sighed and curled up close, tracing Amy's skin softly. "Thank you," she murmured.
"You're welcome, honey. It's what I'm here for."
"I'm glad you're here," she smiled.
"I'm glad you're here too," Amy nodded. Beth sighed, curling up closer, and falling into a very deep sleep. Amy curled up next to her as well, staying awake for a while, before drifting off to sleep herself.
Not long after Sam told her he was being sent on a mission, Beth's job ended. It had wrapped up a lot easier than it was supposed to. She really wasn't in the mood to go home and be alone again, and she declined Max's invitation to stay with him. Instead she called Amy. She hadn't seen Amy in a long time and she missed her. All it took was a phone call and Amy was setting herself up at a hotel just a town away.
Beth let herself relax on the train ride over. She always loved Italy. Before too long she was making her way up to Amy's door at the rustic hotel and knocking on the door.
Amy opened the door with a wide smile, pulling it back and to let her in. "Hey honey, how's it going?" Beth sighed and stood there for a moment, before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around the woman's neck. She really didn't have a lot to say about everything. Though Amy might notice the ring on her finger. Amy pulled her in close, rubbing her back lightly and choosing to ignore the ring for the time being.
After staying close for awhile, Beth pulled back and ran her hand through her hair with a sigh. She was starting to get emotional again, and she wasn't so sure it was hormones. She figured it was too soon for that. "Hi," she finally said softly.
"Hi," she said with a grin. "What brings you by?"
"Wanted to see you," she shrugged with a smile. "Isn't that enough?"
"Of course," she nodded. "Just curious as to the reasoning."
"Because...I feel like when we spend time together..." she shrugged. "It's just us...not...the rest of the world coming in."
"Ah," she nodded slowly, moving a hand to brush against the side of her face lightly. "I understand that." She closed her eyes at the touch and sighed, before leaning in to kiss her lightly. Amy kissed her back, before pulling away slightly. "I'm not sure how your fiance would feel about us, though."
Beth sighed and shrugged. "Sam...knows you and I are close. He doesn't ask questions. He doesn't protest."
"Just checking," Amy replied softly.
"He'd be up for a fight if he tried telling me something otherwise," she smirked, moving closer.
She chuckled lightly, before taking her hand and pulling her back towards the couch. "C'mon -- tell me how things are going."
Beth shrugged and sat down, curling her legs under herself. "Not much on my end. Pregnant."
"Really?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "Well then."
"I know." She said it brightly, but there was slight fear on her face. She watched her hands. "Me..a mom."
"I think you'll be fantastic at it," she said with a wide smile. "And look rather hot to boot. I'm surprised Sam actually let you leave the same room he was in."
She raised a disbelieving eye. "Are you kidding me? I'm going to bloat up like a whale and lose my figure." She shook her head. Honestly, out of the two big developments...it was the pregnancy that was starting to settle well with her more than the other.
"Pregnant woman are hot," Amy laughed. "I could tell you a long list of things I've always wanted to do to a pregnant woman."
"I'd rather that than a list of pregnant women you have done," Beth smirked playfully.
"Well, that's a rather short list. Most pregnant women are a bit more committed to their significant other."
"Right," she said softly. Her face changed a bit more serious as she looked down at her hands. "I guess so."
"I'm not saying that you and Sam are wrong, honey." She moved her hand, slowly, bringing her fingers under Beth's chin so that she was looking at her. "Everybody's different."
She looked up, tears coming to her eyes. She shook her head. She hated this. Hated that she had become an emotional, weak woman. "Maybe we are," she shrugged. "Maybe..." she shook her head. She didn't know what she was trying to say.
"Just say it," Amy said softly. "Whatever's on your mind, just say it -- whether or not it makes any sense."
"I don't...know that I'm ready to be a wife." She turned her ring on her finger, hiding the stone in her palm. Somehow it made her feel slightly less guilty for what she was feeling. "I'm not sure I'm ready to be his wife."
"Does he know this?"
She shook her head. "I can't say that to him. I..." Her hands ran over her face. "I don't know what I'm saying. I...never do anymore."
"Does anyone ever know what they're saying?"
"I'm...not the one he needs anymore," she said softly. "I was...but I'm not.." it was a bit of a struggle to say his name. "I'm not Dean. He belongs with his brother. Not...struggling through things with me."
"Do you love him, honey? More than anything, for better or worse, till death do you part?"
"I love him...he's...he's Sam. We went through a lot over the past few years...I...do love him.." Her eyes tipped up to the ceiling, trying to not cry. She didn't want to cry every time she saw Amy.
"Can you imagine your life without him?"
"He needs his brother," she nodded, keeping her eyes up and avoiding the question.
"Beth -- forget Dean for a moment. If Dean had never come back, how would you feel about Sam's proposal?"
Her eyes closed, forcing the tears she'd been holding in to hit her cheeks. "Dean did come back. Sam proposed because I got pregnant."
"Dean is not a factor," Amy replied. "He's made it clear that he's not heavily involved in your lives, and you shouldn't consider him that way. This is about you and Sam."
"No," she said sharply. She opened her eyes in a slight glare, though not meant to be at Amy, just in general. "Dean is a factor. Whether he wants to be or not. Because I see the look in Sam's eyes when he talks about his brother...I hear the way he mentions him, no matter how hard he tries to play it off. To Sam...Dean will always be a factor, and they need to deal with that. And I can't..." Her eyes closed again and she closed her mouth tightly. She honestly didn't know where that sentence had wanted to go.
"Look, honey, Sam isn't running off to try and save the world with Dean, alright? He's coming home to you. Which means he wants to be with you."
She looked down at her hands, swallowing the emotional overflow that was trying to come up. Her fingers twisted together as she thought. There was just one thing that she wasn't so sure Amy could argue against, and it had been making her feel horrible. Like she was betraying Sam. And she didn't know how to admit it without sounding like a horrible person.
Amy watched her for a moment, before sliding her arms around her and pulling her in closer. "Tell me, sweetie. You'll feel better if you do."
Beth leaned into her, holding onto her arms and tucking her face into Amy's shoulder. "You'll think I'm crazy."
"No, I won't," Amy sighed. "I've been around for centuries, Beth. I've heard it all."
"I still love Dean," she said quietly, gripping on tighter. She thought herself crazy, hearing the words out loud.
"Is it the same way you love Sam?"
"I...I don't know. I don't know what it means, I just...can't make it go away. And I don't know that Sam can understand that. I don't want to hurt him."
Amy paused for a moment, before starting to rub her shoulder lightly. "I don't think Sam will ever expect you to stop loving Dean. Or, at least, loving who he was. Just like Sam will never stop loving Dean. There's a part of you that is always going to care about him. But you're with Sam. You're having Sam's baby, and you said you'd marry him." She paused for a minute, before looking over at her again. "Do you want to go back to Dean?"
She moved up at a bit, just resting against Amy now. "He's not the same Dean," she said softly.
"No, he's not. And that changes things."
"I know," she said quietly, taking Amy's fingers in hers. "That's...I.." She bit her lip. "I don't know...maybe....maybe I just need to know if - even though it..doesn't matter - maybe I need to know if he...still loves me, too."
"In order to find that, you're going to actually have to speak with him," Amy said softly. "You can't read his mind."
"Doesn't mean he'll say either way," she murmured. "He'd probably just...say whatever he has to to get rid of me."
"You know how to read people, don't you? I bet you could probably tell when he's lying."
"I know," she nodded. "I guess...I need to hear it. I don't...know why."
"Well, I'm sure that he wants to make things easier for you, Beth. Just -- talk to him. I know it won't be easy, but -- without all the shock, you can probably clear the air of whatever's there. Give yourself some closure."
She nodded, taking it in and considering it. She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "I'm sorry." She moved, sliding a leg over Amy's lap and settling in against her. "Lately it seems...the only time you see me I'm...out of my mind."
"Yes, but I like to think we're friends. If you can't come to me when you're out of your mind, then when can you?"
"Hmm." She thought, then ran a slow finger down Amy's chest. "When I miss you?"
"When you miss me, what?" Amy teased slightly, raising an eyebrow.
She smirked, her fingers traveling down. "I can come to you when I miss you."
"That too," Amy said with a grin, starting to pull her in closer.
She moved closer, smiling. She wanted to just relax for awhile. "And did you miss me?"
"Always," Amy nodded, brushing a hand over her face lightly.
"Mmm," she leaned into the touch. "Show me?"
"Of course," Amy nodded, before pulling her in for a warm kiss.
Her arms moved around Amy's neck as she kissed her back. "Can always count on you," she chuckled.
Amy laughed as she pulled her in leaning in to the kiss and letting her hands run down over her back. Beth shivered at the touch and pushed her hips in closer, still smiling. She liked when they could just laugh together. It made it all the more relaxing. Amy slid her fingers under the edge of her clothes, brushing against her body lightly and trying to make her as comfortable as possible.
And Beth did indeed relax, only hoping she could make Amy feel the same. Amy was always relaxed. It didn't take long, and soon she was curling up next to Beth on the couch.
Beth sighed and curled up close, tracing Amy's skin softly. "Thank you," she murmured.
"You're welcome, honey. It's what I'm here for."
"I'm glad you're here," she smiled.
"I'm glad you're here too," Amy nodded. Beth sighed, curling up closer, and falling into a very deep sleep. Amy curled up next to her as well, staying awake for a while, before drifting off to sleep herself.