new launch site/old shit
i went there, private property and drank the last drop of jagermeister left in the bottle. i was ripped in half. wolves got me. yeah i was a wolf. this is what makes it so hard not to cry, and when i get into the driveway i see his face, i hear her climax. she fucks him and whoever else i guess, and i'm tormented by her scent. she no longer smells like cigarettes, and her hair is no longer frizzy and dry. it's soft. her muscles are toned. SHE FUCKS HIM. it's all i fucking think about and i can no longer deal with this the way i used to. i can feel her dancing inside me the way she wiggles her hips and shifts her cunt in swirls, dancing on his cock. this is vulgar i know. but it's what i feel inside me. i feel like the whole town is laughing at me while they fuck the only girl i ever loved. nothing i feel is even plausable anymore, my dreams are so explosive with emotions. i never wake up feeling happy. i always go to sleep knowing i'll wake up and this feeling will grow in me everyday the way it has, and i sometimes worry that when i tremble, i'm getting worse. this obstacle has proved itself to me as something that i only pretend i can overcome because truthfully, in the end, when i lay in bed, it all comes back to that one feeling i have: i'm jealous and resentful that whatever made me happy before no longer exists in my life. i can no longer lie to myself. i can no longer lie to my friends. i'm a real mess. my expectations have gotten the best of me, and i can't fake this bullshit anymore. i can't sit here and pretend that "i'm happy if she is" because i'm not fucking happy. i'm just not. and if she is, that's fine. i almost don't care...she gave up on ME.