Taint
Taint
He was such a lovely thing with his perfect brown hair and his very neat appearance, there was such a calm and refreshing air around him. I was drawn to it and in my black heart, I wanted nothing more than to make it dirty and chaotic. That is the kind of person I am though I like to break things. He was possibly the most interesting toy I ever found, he was a hard nut to crack.
I though he would be easy to break but like most people because of their natural reliance on other people. Somehow he was not ordinary and no matter what tactics I used his outer shell just would not break. After a year of no results I realized I was using the wrong tactic, like the legend Achilles, you had to find his one weak point. From there all you had to do was get under his outer armor and watch it smash from the inside out. We were already friends at that point, actually we were almost more than friends. Getting to his weak point was a goal I could almost see.
I've had lots of other people before, men and women, I wasn't picky as long as I got time to thoroughly enjoy playing with them. He was the most challenging, the most interesting, and the only one I couldn't let go of. When I had finally cracked his shell, and all he could do was stare at me with glazed eyes and a blank expression, my heart felt like it was breaking too. He couldn't do things by himself anymore. When he would start something he might stop in the middle and never finish because he couldn't, something in him was broken. I had reduced him to complete dependence on me when before he stood strong like a lion. I was ashamed. I had reduced a great man to no more than a child.
I consulted a friend of mine, Yukimura, who was almost like a font of maturity and wisdom, he told me something I never though I would hear.
He told me I was in love.
I laughed it off at first, that was something that would have never crossed my mind, ever. After my laughter died away, I cried, because I knew he was right. I asked him for advice, what could I do now, my perfect play toy was broken and he wasn't something you could put back together with super glue and duct tape.
Yukimura was gentle but direct with his word, “Masaharu, he is a human being not a toy, but like a toy he is broken. All you have to do is figure of what kinds of duct tape and super glue of the mind he needs and he can be fixed. However, a warning, he will not be the same again. Something once broken can never be whole. There will be some small pieces of him that have been lost and scattered and can never be gotten back. The best thing is just to be there for him.” I thanked him for his words and went to leave, it was breaking my heart just to know what I was facing. “Remember, Masaharu, it is your responsibility to clean up the messes you make and make sure the things you broke get fixed. No matter the consequences.” I don't think I had ever moved so fast in my like, he was just too right.
Yukimura was right of course, he always was. This time it stung though hearing those words and knowing they were right, knowing there were some pieces of Yagyuu Hiroshi that I had broken and that like the smallest pieces of glass in a broken vase, they could never be put back in because you could never find them.
Ashamed, I contemplated doing nothing about it because I feared that Hiroshi would know what I had done and reject me. It would be justice but the thought was not pleasant. I knew Yukimura was right though, I was responsible for him, for what I had done to him. Now I had to fix him, no matter the consequences. It was a long process, I though breaking him took forever but fixing him that took more than twice as long. It was four years before he was a fixed as I could get him. He didn't blame me, even though he knew what I did. Sometimes I could tell he was still struggling, that was only to be expected of course.
“Masaharu.” Many nights like this we would sit on the balcony and watch the sky as the sun began to set and the air became chilly. This was the first time he had ever talked during this time we had a night. “I was taking with Yukimura-kun today. He was talking about the advice he gave you four years ago, about me. I was thinking about it today, he was wrong. I'm not a toy that was broken. Think of it more like a window that was dirtied.” I looked at him strange.
“A window, a window can be cleaned though? If you break something nothing will ever fix it.” He laughed and proceeded to explain.
“Yes, a window can be cleaned but, never fully there are always those little corners where not even your fingernails can reach that will still have dirt in them. You didn't break me anyways, all you did was taint me. You can't break people, they're very resilient. However you can dirty and taint them and their personalities can become muddled and even seem to disappear. Even under all that dirt though there still lurks the person that once was.” I sit and contemplate this deep insight, he is right, that seems to be happening to me a lot lately. I stare at him as he looks to the sky, once again silent. He's completely right, I tainted him and he became buried in what I gave him but he never broke because his heart knew that someone would always come along and clean all the filth off. I smile and start to laugh, Hiroshi gives me a funny look, I lean over and kiss him.
“I think you've begun to taint me as well.”
A/N: I like this actually it came out of nowhere when I was reading a doujinshi, but it turned out quite well. Sorry about grammar mistakes I am currently, and have been for a while beta-less. I am always looking though.
Peace
Rosey-chan~ (I like it, a person on LJ nicknamed me that. I think it's cute so I'm going to stick with it.)