(no subject)
have you ever had a conversation with someone and had them say something that just left you waiting for the "lol", or even a "j/k".... something to show the fact that they were not serious. and then after sitting there waiting with high hopes that they were joking, you finally have to accept the fact that yes indeed they were serious. appearently bola had that kind of conversation with someone last night. i feel your pain bro.
class is almost over and then i can get certified. i cant wait. it'll be good to have at least one thing out of the way.
i'm trying to go to CLC tonight. trying being the key word. everytime i think about it my stomach goes into knots. i am not looking forward to the possibility that someone will be there, and i know that hallie isn't. i just dont want to. as far as a reason, i dont really have one. i'm trying to make myself go but my heart's just not in it. i'd be going with an attitude of like hey look at me i dont need your friendships, i've made it without you. kind of like walking in with a chip on my shoulder. thats not the way i should be going to church. church is about me and God. not about the stupid people that have left big nasty scars on me. i'm struggling between being hesitant to return and the guilt of being hesitant to return. grrrr. this sucks. even if i go, i'm probably not going to go again. so much is different from how it was before. i just dont think i can do this. hallie is the one who makes me think i can do things lately. so cliche but whatever, you will all have to get over it. i dont know. sometimes i feel like i'm just not gonna make it through all this fire stuff and through all this church drama stuff but then hallie comes to mind and suddenly whatever obsticles seemed so huge really done seem all that huge anymore.
i dont know, i guess we'll see.
class is almost over and then i can get certified. i cant wait. it'll be good to have at least one thing out of the way.
i'm trying to go to CLC tonight. trying being the key word. everytime i think about it my stomach goes into knots. i am not looking forward to the possibility that someone will be there, and i know that hallie isn't. i just dont want to. as far as a reason, i dont really have one. i'm trying to make myself go but my heart's just not in it. i'd be going with an attitude of like hey look at me i dont need your friendships, i've made it without you. kind of like walking in with a chip on my shoulder. thats not the way i should be going to church. church is about me and God. not about the stupid people that have left big nasty scars on me. i'm struggling between being hesitant to return and the guilt of being hesitant to return. grrrr. this sucks. even if i go, i'm probably not going to go again. so much is different from how it was before. i just dont think i can do this. hallie is the one who makes me think i can do things lately. so cliche but whatever, you will all have to get over it. i dont know. sometimes i feel like i'm just not gonna make it through all this fire stuff and through all this church drama stuff but then hallie comes to mind and suddenly whatever obsticles seemed so huge really done seem all that huge anymore.
i dont know, i guess we'll see.