A little pre-Christmas ranting
Hello, Happy Holidays to all. And to all a good night. I just wanted to write about something that has crossed my mind as I woke up. Allow me to share but here's a fair warning, if you don't want to hear me rant about Leita and Christmas well, just go to someone's elses journal.
For the past three Christmas holidays, I have spent them away from the one I love the most, Leita. Two of those reasons was because I was in Germany with my family and the one reason was because I was in El Paso Texas....with my family. Being with your family during Christmas is good but the thing is that me and Leita never really spent a Christmas together. Or even be with her family for dinner. But this year, there are problems.
First we are really separated or broken and we are not obligated to see each other for such a meeting. Since because of that condition, we can't really see each other. Though we have seen each other the other day but it's not the same as seeing each other. Secondly, her mother is not too particulary fond of me at the moment. I don't think her mom would really like to see me at the moment because of the things that have been going on. I also think that she will not talk to me unless I have answers for some her questions that she aske me the last time we talked. About marraige and what not to her daughter. And thirdly, plus Leita needs her space. She said she needed time and space to think while I figure out my stuff for myself. At the moment, my heart tells me to fuck space, get her back, you idiot!!" but my brain tells me that I need to try to respect her wishes on it. I can't rush this at all and plus Leita needs to know what she wants. Oh well.
One more thing, I think I know why I just wanted to spend time alone on Christmas. I was actually hoping that Leita would actually come over to the house and see me there. You know, maybe surprise me or something. It would be a good thing, I wouldn't argue with it but it's just wishful thinking and stuff. I know she won't do it because one she doesn't like the house because it's my parents house, secondly, I'm sure she has plans with her family and lastly we're not together. I hate this alot. Can't even spend time with the one you love the most. Oh well. well that's four years in a row. I'm batting a thousand I tell you.
At least some good news, I've gotten some invites to dinners for Christmas by some of my friends, so maybe I'll be going to that to get out of the house. YOu know, enjoy company and what not. It beats staying at home building models(which of course I enjoy but it beats being alone if I go).
Oh well, happy holidays to all.
For the past three Christmas holidays, I have spent them away from the one I love the most, Leita. Two of those reasons was because I was in Germany with my family and the one reason was because I was in El Paso Texas....with my family. Being with your family during Christmas is good but the thing is that me and Leita never really spent a Christmas together. Or even be with her family for dinner. But this year, there are problems.
First we are really separated or broken and we are not obligated to see each other for such a meeting. Since because of that condition, we can't really see each other. Though we have seen each other the other day but it's not the same as seeing each other. Secondly, her mother is not too particulary fond of me at the moment. I don't think her mom would really like to see me at the moment because of the things that have been going on. I also think that she will not talk to me unless I have answers for some her questions that she aske me the last time we talked. About marraige and what not to her daughter. And thirdly, plus Leita needs her space. She said she needed time and space to think while I figure out my stuff for myself. At the moment, my heart tells me to fuck space, get her back, you idiot!!" but my brain tells me that I need to try to respect her wishes on it. I can't rush this at all and plus Leita needs to know what she wants. Oh well.
One more thing, I think I know why I just wanted to spend time alone on Christmas. I was actually hoping that Leita would actually come over to the house and see me there. You know, maybe surprise me or something. It would be a good thing, I wouldn't argue with it but it's just wishful thinking and stuff. I know she won't do it because one she doesn't like the house because it's my parents house, secondly, I'm sure she has plans with her family and lastly we're not together. I hate this alot. Can't even spend time with the one you love the most. Oh well. well that's four years in a row. I'm batting a thousand I tell you.
At least some good news, I've gotten some invites to dinners for Christmas by some of my friends, so maybe I'll be going to that to get out of the house. YOu know, enjoy company and what not. It beats staying at home building models(which of course I enjoy but it beats being alone if I go).
Oh well, happy holidays to all.