Reviving 2007
2006 crawled to a stop not too long ago.
My first silent new year, in a district where no one seemed to usher in the new year with glee. Yet my mind was filled with dozens of conflicting thoughts, emotions, confusion and general turmoil at the arrival of the new year.
There were, are new decisions to be made in this watershed year when we all turn 18. With new experiences come new responsibilities, and the urge to grow up becomes too great to resist sometimes. Insecurity ought to be dismissed as a burden of an immature past, but it grows greater with this refusal to grow up, as others break out of their shells. Emotions are messy playthings, and they seem to grow optional in solitudes of pondering. I fear grim efficiency, which is still much desired, with the fear that these emotions that haunt and confuse may cease to feature prominently in life.
I don't think I'm ready for this. Perhaps I'll never be ready.
Making resolutions has never been a practice i participated in. To sum it all up, every year is about resisting temptation, gaining new experiences, trying harder to be good at what we do, and trying much harder to be nicer to the people around us.
I'm glad I achieved most of the above in this year - but new years always bring new challenges to current achievements.
But Im hesitant to say this year has been rather ideal. I've definitely slackened, quit trying to better myself (both academically and socially), and despite more active involvement in His work, I feel like I tend to lose my focus too easily.
I'm most grateful for the new friends I've made, few as they are, sad for the many friends I've neglected to keep, and grateful for the many who are always around to provide that reassuring smile. I'm glad to have had new opportunities to experience different social situations, but inadvertently feel insecure about plausible potential in these other avenues.
When will it be possible for the fleeting present to take priority over the past? It's totally confusing me, this hopeless clinging.
But it's better to simply cherish every moment that stands - the lingering note at the end of that elusive perfect symphony, never-stopping scribbling on chilly mornings at wooden benches, the standstill gaze of a romance passing, the fast-fading triumph of a game well-played. These will be the lasting memories of 2006, to usher in a 2007 worth reviving.
Oh, and Happy New Year.
My first silent new year, in a district where no one seemed to usher in the new year with glee. Yet my mind was filled with dozens of conflicting thoughts, emotions, confusion and general turmoil at the arrival of the new year.
There were, are new decisions to be made in this watershed year when we all turn 18. With new experiences come new responsibilities, and the urge to grow up becomes too great to resist sometimes. Insecurity ought to be dismissed as a burden of an immature past, but it grows greater with this refusal to grow up, as others break out of their shells. Emotions are messy playthings, and they seem to grow optional in solitudes of pondering. I fear grim efficiency, which is still much desired, with the fear that these emotions that haunt and confuse may cease to feature prominently in life.
I don't think I'm ready for this. Perhaps I'll never be ready.
Making resolutions has never been a practice i participated in. To sum it all up, every year is about resisting temptation, gaining new experiences, trying harder to be good at what we do, and trying much harder to be nicer to the people around us.
I'm glad I achieved most of the above in this year - but new years always bring new challenges to current achievements.
But Im hesitant to say this year has been rather ideal. I've definitely slackened, quit trying to better myself (both academically and socially), and despite more active involvement in His work, I feel like I tend to lose my focus too easily.
I'm most grateful for the new friends I've made, few as they are, sad for the many friends I've neglected to keep, and grateful for the many who are always around to provide that reassuring smile. I'm glad to have had new opportunities to experience different social situations, but inadvertently feel insecure about plausible potential in these other avenues.
When will it be possible for the fleeting present to take priority over the past? It's totally confusing me, this hopeless clinging.
But it's better to simply cherish every moment that stands - the lingering note at the end of that elusive perfect symphony, never-stopping scribbling on chilly mornings at wooden benches, the standstill gaze of a romance passing, the fast-fading triumph of a game well-played. These will be the lasting memories of 2006, to usher in a 2007 worth reviving.
Oh, and Happy New Year.