Taiwan Regrets
The Taiwan ppl arrived last Sunday. Kinda lag to update abt their arrival now, kinda early to blog abt my feelings that they are gone...perhaps it's the right time to reflect abt my interactions with them...and what I have gained to-date...before they leave and I never get the chance to right the wrongs i have done.
Honestly, I do not think Im cut out to be a host student.
I never understand how people can so easily make friends with the taiwan people. Im not saying that I wish t o be like them, Im past that stage of envy. However, this opportunity has left me thinking that perhaps I have a really low EQ, or im antisocial, or I just dun reach out to people often enough.
I lack PEOPLE skills.
Maybe Im expecting too much from this exchange programme. I was probably influenced by the forthcoming friendliness of the taiwan people when we went over last year, and thus aspired to be as good a host, to make them feel welcome in Singapore. However, I guess it never struck me that I would feel awkward and inadequate when it came to expressing myself in Chinese. I guess Im not a very friendly person either.
From the very first day they arrived, I was obsessed with simply entertaining my assigned student. However, perhaps due to the fact that she was a girl (yeah maybe im just making up excuses here) and preferred to stick within her comfort zone (within two feet of her girlfriend =P), I never really got the chance to get to know her. Not that I would have done so successfully even if I had the chance to converse with her, as proven by the weekend she spent with my family, when I left most of the formalities to my parents.
Maybe Im too shy. It was a bad time to get struck with self-loating and depression I guess. The teasing by certain people didnt really help. This episode only caused me to see how inadequately forthcoming I was. Not that I didnt know, it's just that I never really thought it mattered.
Anyway, after a while, I sorted out my thoughts. As long as the guests were happy, it didnt matter whether I had any part to play in it. Sure enough, simply being by my guest's side was all I needed to do, since she seemed to occupy herself by chatting to her friend and Neo most comfortably. Perhaps she seemed to realise that I was (unknowingly) treating her as an obligation rather than a friend from Taiwan, especially since I was uncomfortable with asking her questions abt her life in Taiwan, perhaps the lack of concern showed. I got the impression that I wasnt really needed anymore.
By the time I realised that unlike every one of the other host students, I hadnt gotten down to getting to know ay of the other taiwan students (perhaps including my guest as well), it was well, too late. After all, they are leaving in 3 days. What could I possibly do to make friends. Especially since Im not the outgoing type and they are comfortable among themselves and possibly a few people who did offer them the hand of friendship when they first arrived. It just seems awkward to even try and reach out now.
Worse thing is. I don't think Im gonna get a second chance. I can't say I havnt tried hard enough, although it might be possible to blame it on my lack of initiative and concern once again. All I can do is try my best to make amends in the next 3 days. Go for the play, the cruise and send them off. It's been a disappointment, I feel as though I let myself down.
At least although I might not leave this exchange programme with new friends, I have the experience of trying to get to know strangers who bond together, using a language I have little confidence in. Sure, I might have failed, but I have to consider the "what ifs", and wonder if it really was due to my inadequacies, or was my lack of confidence the deciding factor?? At least now I shall try to be more cheerful, to think for others more, less for myself. To appreciate the lovely little things that come along every once in a while to overcome the disappoint that other failures bring, like the smile that comes my way for a kind deed done.
No one likes to be a burden.
*P.S. Oh yeah. DAMN SYF. TAKING AWAY ALL MY TIME. DURING THIS EXAM/TAIWAN SEASON TOO
Honestly, I do not think Im cut out to be a host student.
I never understand how people can so easily make friends with the taiwan people. Im not saying that I wish t o be like them, Im past that stage of envy. However, this opportunity has left me thinking that perhaps I have a really low EQ, or im antisocial, or I just dun reach out to people often enough.
I lack PEOPLE skills.
Maybe Im expecting too much from this exchange programme. I was probably influenced by the forthcoming friendliness of the taiwan people when we went over last year, and thus aspired to be as good a host, to make them feel welcome in Singapore. However, I guess it never struck me that I would feel awkward and inadequate when it came to expressing myself in Chinese. I guess Im not a very friendly person either.
From the very first day they arrived, I was obsessed with simply entertaining my assigned student. However, perhaps due to the fact that she was a girl (yeah maybe im just making up excuses here) and preferred to stick within her comfort zone (within two feet of her girlfriend =P), I never really got the chance to get to know her. Not that I would have done so successfully even if I had the chance to converse with her, as proven by the weekend she spent with my family, when I left most of the formalities to my parents.
Maybe Im too shy. It was a bad time to get struck with self-loating and depression I guess. The teasing by certain people didnt really help. This episode only caused me to see how inadequately forthcoming I was. Not that I didnt know, it's just that I never really thought it mattered.
Anyway, after a while, I sorted out my thoughts. As long as the guests were happy, it didnt matter whether I had any part to play in it. Sure enough, simply being by my guest's side was all I needed to do, since she seemed to occupy herself by chatting to her friend and Neo most comfortably. Perhaps she seemed to realise that I was (unknowingly) treating her as an obligation rather than a friend from Taiwan, especially since I was uncomfortable with asking her questions abt her life in Taiwan, perhaps the lack of concern showed. I got the impression that I wasnt really needed anymore.
By the time I realised that unlike every one of the other host students, I hadnt gotten down to getting to know ay of the other taiwan students (perhaps including my guest as well), it was well, too late. After all, they are leaving in 3 days. What could I possibly do to make friends. Especially since Im not the outgoing type and they are comfortable among themselves and possibly a few people who did offer them the hand of friendship when they first arrived. It just seems awkward to even try and reach out now.
Worse thing is. I don't think Im gonna get a second chance. I can't say I havnt tried hard enough, although it might be possible to blame it on my lack of initiative and concern once again. All I can do is try my best to make amends in the next 3 days. Go for the play, the cruise and send them off. It's been a disappointment, I feel as though I let myself down.
At least although I might not leave this exchange programme with new friends, I have the experience of trying to get to know strangers who bond together, using a language I have little confidence in. Sure, I might have failed, but I have to consider the "what ifs", and wonder if it really was due to my inadequacies, or was my lack of confidence the deciding factor?? At least now I shall try to be more cheerful, to think for others more, less for myself. To appreciate the lovely little things that come along every once in a while to overcome the disappoint that other failures bring, like the smile that comes my way for a kind deed done.
No one likes to be a burden.
*P.S. Oh yeah. DAMN SYF. TAKING AWAY ALL MY TIME. DURING THIS EXAM/TAIWAN SEASON TOO