ok, you caught me.
Firstly I would like to say, that everybody feels sad sometimes. The reasoning for the feeling sad doesn't really matter, so much as it is an emotion that human beings feel sometimes. So even though I am about to get very very emo on yo' ass, I am still not essentially an emo person.
So Laurence is in London still. He got asked to go to a pub and drink by one of his dad's friend's sons, who is 25. On Tuesday he's going to Paris, and on Thursday he's going to Amsterdam. He's gonna do mushrooms in the park with his dad and expierence things in a different perspective.
A part of me is really jealous. I've always wanted that kind of a life, where contrived rules don't apply and I can just be. It's not even his life though, but the fact that he is allowed and has the means to do these things does make me want to get out of my house as soon as I possibly can.
Another part of me is wary for him. I want him to be safe and not wander into traffic or something. Granted, he's done mushrooms before. It's not a new thing. I just want him to not get puking drunk, or wander into traffic. I just want him to be safe.
There's even another tiny, selfish part of me that wishes he wouldn't do those things at all, simply because I can't. Misery loves company, yes? Indeed it does. Like if I can't do them, why should he? I am just being a jealous psychobitch, I know. I want him to be happy and do what he wants. I just care about him too much.
And there's another feeling, too. I am so lonely and bored. Which only exacerbates the issue of me not being able to have the freedom that he has. Sure, one day, I will do mushrooms. Probably at his house. And I have been drunk before. But the freedom he has, and his not having to worry about his dad knowing, and just the wonderful expierence of being in Europe is enough to make one jealous, right? I am so extremely lonely. Ava's out and Laurence is gone. I don't really have anybody else to talk to about these kinds of things. Not a lot of people understand. My stomach hurts, and I am so bored. I just feel rather like shit.
And Laurence would hate HATE to know that he sort of made me feel like shit. It's not his actions really, it's not anything he said. I'm just being unfair, I know. But everybody has their irrational, neurotic moments.
So Laurence is in London still. He got asked to go to a pub and drink by one of his dad's friend's sons, who is 25. On Tuesday he's going to Paris, and on Thursday he's going to Amsterdam. He's gonna do mushrooms in the park with his dad and expierence things in a different perspective.
A part of me is really jealous. I've always wanted that kind of a life, where contrived rules don't apply and I can just be. It's not even his life though, but the fact that he is allowed and has the means to do these things does make me want to get out of my house as soon as I possibly can.
Another part of me is wary for him. I want him to be safe and not wander into traffic or something. Granted, he's done mushrooms before. It's not a new thing. I just want him to not get puking drunk, or wander into traffic. I just want him to be safe.
There's even another tiny, selfish part of me that wishes he wouldn't do those things at all, simply because I can't. Misery loves company, yes? Indeed it does. Like if I can't do them, why should he? I am just being a jealous psychobitch, I know. I want him to be happy and do what he wants. I just care about him too much.
And there's another feeling, too. I am so lonely and bored. Which only exacerbates the issue of me not being able to have the freedom that he has. Sure, one day, I will do mushrooms. Probably at his house. And I have been drunk before. But the freedom he has, and his not having to worry about his dad knowing, and just the wonderful expierence of being in Europe is enough to make one jealous, right? I am so extremely lonely. Ava's out and Laurence is gone. I don't really have anybody else to talk to about these kinds of things. Not a lot of people understand. My stomach hurts, and I am so bored. I just feel rather like shit.
And Laurence would hate HATE to know that he sort of made me feel like shit. It's not his actions really, it's not anything he said. I'm just being unfair, I know. But everybody has their irrational, neurotic moments.