Hell I don't even know
I am at school again. I'm technically at anime club, but I left to come to the cafeteria to get some water. I feel the desperate need to write something, to get out my thoughts somewhere. I do not want to let my outward emotions show, I must be strong.
John brought Nikki to anime club. Granted, they broke up. But I feel so distraught. I suppose you could say I am freaking out. I have no reason to hate her, she seems like sucha nice person. I really do not want to be so attatched to someone. I am going to close myself off totally emotionally. I do not want to feel this way over some guy. I don't even know why I am feeling so weird, I mean they broke up. They did that so that both of them could still flirt, and now they are just friends with benefits. It's been a while since I've been alone in the cafeteria. It feels surreal. I am going to go back to anime club, and just sit with Darcy and Hillary, and everything will be ok. I really do have some things I need to face in my own lilfe. I need to get to the bottom of this. I really want a boyfriend. I think I do at least. I mean, I do and then again I don't. I don't want to feel helpless and hopeless over some guy. And yet I want something to fall back on. I want someone to share things with, and I want someone who will make me happy. I suppose these are stupid dreams. I should just keep suppressing these emotions. I am going to go back to the Barn, and everything will be normal. I will at least look like everything will be normal. Maybe Soup was right; maybe there are things that explode right under the surface, and sooner or later the ripples will appear. I am not going to give in. I am not going to be emotionally attatched to John. I should stop being such a sensetive person. I am going to keep thinking in circles like this for a while. I wonder when it will stop, if ever.
John brought Nikki to anime club. Granted, they broke up. But I feel so distraught. I suppose you could say I am freaking out. I have no reason to hate her, she seems like sucha nice person. I really do not want to be so attatched to someone. I am going to close myself off totally emotionally. I do not want to feel this way over some guy. I don't even know why I am feeling so weird, I mean they broke up. They did that so that both of them could still flirt, and now they are just friends with benefits. It's been a while since I've been alone in the cafeteria. It feels surreal. I am going to go back to anime club, and just sit with Darcy and Hillary, and everything will be ok. I really do have some things I need to face in my own lilfe. I need to get to the bottom of this. I really want a boyfriend. I think I do at least. I mean, I do and then again I don't. I don't want to feel helpless and hopeless over some guy. And yet I want something to fall back on. I want someone to share things with, and I want someone who will make me happy. I suppose these are stupid dreams. I should just keep suppressing these emotions. I am going to go back to the Barn, and everything will be normal. I will at least look like everything will be normal. Maybe Soup was right; maybe there are things that explode right under the surface, and sooner or later the ripples will appear. I am not going to give in. I am not going to be emotionally attatched to John. I should stop being such a sensetive person. I am going to keep thinking in circles like this for a while. I wonder when it will stop, if ever.