Amazing Grace, How Sweet Thou Art......

[firemanbutters]

this is my least favorite day of the year. for those of you who know me, you know that i am, basically, a pacifist. with that in mind, it makes me angry that i get so angry (see the viscious circle develop) about what happened 3 years ago today. if you read this (even if you're just some random person that i've never met) i would consider it a

Comments

[exprtmarksmen]

Alright Mike,

I'm going to tell you my thoughts. It may get a bit long-winded. However, let my thoughts and memories be known. I'd appreciate a similar response to my journal (I couldn't find any words that really do any justice to my now almost 20/20 sight on that day... so Alan Jackson will have to do).

I was sitting in class when Brother Cash Money (I can't actually spell his real name, nor completely remember it) comes on the PA system and announces that a plane has just crashed into the world trade center. I figure, hey, it's a little commuter plane... maybe there are 10 people dead; I can deal with that... I'm not too horribly saddened, after-all it's a freak accident. The entire school observes a moment of silence. And we get on with the next 10 minutes of sitting around and bullshitting during class. Only, afterwards, when I have a study hall and access to a TV do I realize the true impact of what's occured. Over the next three periods I observe another plane crashing into the other building and an excessive amount of burning. It was truly an out-of-body experience. There's no way this has actually occured, this is one of those days that I decided to not go to school... I'm still sleeping, this is all a dream.

I got to experience this all, with my best friend by my side. It didn't make it alright, but it's left a deep impression in my mind... the people, the sights, the sounds, the entire event. Ben, sitting there... completely silent, for the most part (every once in a while, a holy shit or... a "bastards"). Like we know what to make of it... like anyone knows what to make of it. I remember going to Math class, and actually being pissed off at not being able to see the TV. While Ben goes off on Mr. Smith, trying to get him to forget to teach us AP Calc for all of 45 minutes. Afterwards... I go back to watching the TV... we see the towers fall. I remember thinking, my mother is a State Employee... where is she? Are we going to get let out early... this is a military school. How naive I was, in retrospect, this wasn't about NY... it wasn't about any one thing, it wasn't about any one state.

I remember going out to my truck, and not knowing what I was suppose to do... I guess I go home, I guess everything will be okay, I guess... My guessing was just wrong. I would have cried on the way home... I would have broken down and shed my exterior shell. But, I was only 3 minutes from home, all I had to do was shut off the radio and it would all go away. I get home, I turn on the TV... and I see it again. I can't deal with this all by myself. My grandfather just died... he's not gonna make any more clam chowder on my birthday. I can only deal with so much at one time. Fox news doesn't have to say a whole lot... I see this little stock symbol-esque ticker flashing across the bottom of the screen. Telling me exactly what's happened in real time. I say screw this, I'm goin to sleep. So, I go take a nap. When I wake-up at like 8 o' clock that night, my parents are okay... but, it's still happening. It's not a dream, I feel bad about my selfish thoughts... the tears, yeah; they come. What can I say... I cry for humanity, I cry for my country, I cry for those who have become martyers in the passing hours. I think aboug giving blood... but I don't; there's no need (or so I think). I guess I'll never come to grips with how right I was... Nothing can prepare you, the country... the world; for complete devistation.

That's about all of my story, I could elaborate more... and if you put a few beers in me on the right night... I may just. But, I can't do it right now, something has to stay inside. Something has to make you feel right about it all. It's selfish, but that's the way I was brought-up... that's the way the US is. It's all about the selfishness, it's horrible that such an event made us realize that.

Vince

PS: I would be honored to go to the museum with you. And, anyone else who would like to see that particular exhibit. I want to, hear... experience another point of view. I would love to see what those who serve/served remember/experienced/re-live in that day's events.