The following
So my mom finally gets released from the hospital. Both her ex and her cousin call me that morning, 1.5 hours before release, to tell me that she now needs to live with me. They don’t want her living back in the same place again in fear of her going back to drugs. I get it, but this was all thrown at me quite suddenly and frankly without my consent. I tell them that I don’t know if I can do it and they tell me that there is really no other choice or option, that this is just how it’s going to go. In a panic, I throw together her new bedroom which is really just a spare room with no actual door, that we use for storage, that houses a cat box and had an old crummy futon. I wish we had a nicer home with a nicer room to feel comfortable in.
Her ex comes and picks me up at my home. We chat for a bit before we head out. He says that she is not to have any of her enabling items like cash, bank cards, phone or car keys. I agree, but hand all these things off to him for safe keeping as I have absolutely no backbone and hate confrontation. We pick her up and take her back to my place and throw the news on her that she has to live with me now, then her ex just leaves. She is understandably sad and upset by this.
We sit and chat for a little bit. She tells me that this was the stupidest thing she’s ever done, she’s ashamed. She says it was so awful and that she will never ever in a million years go back to it. I wholeheartedly believe her when she says this, and I think she did too at the time.
She asks to use my phone and I agree. She tries calling anyone and everyone she knows but is having a hard time remembering any phone numbers. She can’t get any numbers right and starts screaming and crying, yelling at me and accusing me of “being in on it” and not wanting her to get ahold of her boyfriend or friends. Over the next hour she screams and cries and is losing it on me and I’m losing myself.
She eventually decides that she is going to walk to a friends house. This sends me into a bit of a panic. She just got home from the hospital, all I want for her is to get healthy and be comfortable. I’m so scared of what is going to happen to her if she just takes off walking somewhere. She witnesses my panic and agrees to not leave the house, but 5 minutes later she decides to leave anyway. She takes off down the street with nothing but a tissue box in her hand that she had written phone numbers down on from memory in the hospital.
My mind absolutely spirals over the next couple of minutes. What have I just done, why did I let her leave, everyone will be mad at me that I failed in the first hour of her being home with me. What if something happens to her while she’s out. What if she actually is just going off to find drugs. Where is she actually going and how far away is it. Yet at the same time she is a grown woman and of fairly sound mind, I can’t act as a prison, I need to provide her with some human decency and let her do whatever it is that she is going to do.
I then call her ex because I have absolutely no idea what to do now. He says to go follow her and get her to come back home. I fill up her water bottle because she left it, grab my keys and speed walk down the street. I walk and walk and I don’t see her. I come back home defeated and call her ex again and he loses it on me. He told me I need to do anything to keep her in the house. To sit on her. To tie her to the bed. I tell him that is absolutely unreasonable and that I am obviously not going to do these things. He then screams at me over and over CALL THE COPS, CALL THE COPS, CALL THE COPS. He literally won’t listen to me or say anything else so I hang up and call the cops.
I asked for the non emergency line but they said that it all winds up at the same place. I tell them my whole situation. That my mom is home with me after detoxing from fentanyl and being released from the hospital. That she was upset and just left the house and that I didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing and that I was worried for her health and safety out there and didn’t know what to do. I give them a description and they said that they would have officers keep an eye out if and when they had the time.
All of this has me losing it. I am so upset and worried. I call my husband and tell him everything. I tell him that she has to stay here now (this is the first that he has even heard of this news) and that she is upset and angry and yelling and how horrible it is. That maybe he just shouldn’t even come home because it’s so awful, on top of that I know she’s going to be asking him for rides to the ferry to go see her BF, for money, for a phone etc. and I just don’t know how to tell someone no. He says that’s crazy and that he’s coming home and we’ll go out looking for her.
We spend the next hour + scouring the whole neighborhood and beyond looking for her. We see a sheriff’s car and ask if she’s the one who got called to our case and she was. We explain our situation and she empathizes with us and said that she’ll keep her eye out. After an hour of searching and endless tears we call the search off and go back home, hoping that she will eventually come back and we’ll be ready to greet her when she does.
Finally, maybe an hour or two later she comes back home. I was so scared of what state she would be in but she seemed okay (and sober, yay). She walked to a friend’s house that was over two miles away. She got some friend’s phone numbers and some cigarettes that she had been craving. Things for the rest of the evening were fine for the most part aside from neither of us being able to sleep all night and my appetite being shot from the nerves. My husband had picked her up a pack of cigarettes and I heard her coming in and out of the house all night to smoke, my heart dropping every time I heard the door open and close.
And that was day 1
Her ex comes and picks me up at my home. We chat for a bit before we head out. He says that she is not to have any of her enabling items like cash, bank cards, phone or car keys. I agree, but hand all these things off to him for safe keeping as I have absolutely no backbone and hate confrontation. We pick her up and take her back to my place and throw the news on her that she has to live with me now, then her ex just leaves. She is understandably sad and upset by this.
We sit and chat for a little bit. She tells me that this was the stupidest thing she’s ever done, she’s ashamed. She says it was so awful and that she will never ever in a million years go back to it. I wholeheartedly believe her when she says this, and I think she did too at the time.
She asks to use my phone and I agree. She tries calling anyone and everyone she knows but is having a hard time remembering any phone numbers. She can’t get any numbers right and starts screaming and crying, yelling at me and accusing me of “being in on it” and not wanting her to get ahold of her boyfriend or friends. Over the next hour she screams and cries and is losing it on me and I’m losing myself.
She eventually decides that she is going to walk to a friends house. This sends me into a bit of a panic. She just got home from the hospital, all I want for her is to get healthy and be comfortable. I’m so scared of what is going to happen to her if she just takes off walking somewhere. She witnesses my panic and agrees to not leave the house, but 5 minutes later she decides to leave anyway. She takes off down the street with nothing but a tissue box in her hand that she had written phone numbers down on from memory in the hospital.
My mind absolutely spirals over the next couple of minutes. What have I just done, why did I let her leave, everyone will be mad at me that I failed in the first hour of her being home with me. What if something happens to her while she’s out. What if she actually is just going off to find drugs. Where is she actually going and how far away is it. Yet at the same time she is a grown woman and of fairly sound mind, I can’t act as a prison, I need to provide her with some human decency and let her do whatever it is that she is going to do.
I then call her ex because I have absolutely no idea what to do now. He says to go follow her and get her to come back home. I fill up her water bottle because she left it, grab my keys and speed walk down the street. I walk and walk and I don’t see her. I come back home defeated and call her ex again and he loses it on me. He told me I need to do anything to keep her in the house. To sit on her. To tie her to the bed. I tell him that is absolutely unreasonable and that I am obviously not going to do these things. He then screams at me over and over CALL THE COPS, CALL THE COPS, CALL THE COPS. He literally won’t listen to me or say anything else so I hang up and call the cops.
I asked for the non emergency line but they said that it all winds up at the same place. I tell them my whole situation. That my mom is home with me after detoxing from fentanyl and being released from the hospital. That she was upset and just left the house and that I didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing and that I was worried for her health and safety out there and didn’t know what to do. I give them a description and they said that they would have officers keep an eye out if and when they had the time.
All of this has me losing it. I am so upset and worried. I call my husband and tell him everything. I tell him that she has to stay here now (this is the first that he has even heard of this news) and that she is upset and angry and yelling and how horrible it is. That maybe he just shouldn’t even come home because it’s so awful, on top of that I know she’s going to be asking him for rides to the ferry to go see her BF, for money, for a phone etc. and I just don’t know how to tell someone no. He says that’s crazy and that he’s coming home and we’ll go out looking for her.
We spend the next hour + scouring the whole neighborhood and beyond looking for her. We see a sheriff’s car and ask if she’s the one who got called to our case and she was. We explain our situation and she empathizes with us and said that she’ll keep her eye out. After an hour of searching and endless tears we call the search off and go back home, hoping that she will eventually come back and we’ll be ready to greet her when she does.
Finally, maybe an hour or two later she comes back home. I was so scared of what state she would be in but she seemed okay (and sober, yay). She walked to a friend’s house that was over two miles away. She got some friend’s phone numbers and some cigarettes that she had been craving. Things for the rest of the evening were fine for the most part aside from neither of us being able to sleep all night and my appetite being shot from the nerves. My husband had picked her up a pack of cigarettes and I heard her coming in and out of the house all night to smoke, my heart dropping every time I heard the door open and close.
And that was day 1