punching bags
If I haven't been clear about this before, Justin is a hero of mine. Last night, we were talking, and he (as so many times before) is able to articulate exactly what's happening. When I listen to the tales of others, including my own falling back on me, I can't often see exactly what's happening. How is it that so many of us have lost the ability to be present?
I'm always looking for something happening later, for something I will get, for something that is yet to come that no wonder I experience so much anxiety, am such a grump, and often can't appreciate those things I already have. Well, fuck, girl. Here's your chance:
You live in a city that grants you access to just about any experience you could ever want to have and you've only taken a little advantage of it. You're lucky--you get to! You've wanted to interview people and you've wanted feedback. Well, use your students and your experiences with the literary world to do so! What the fuck are you waiting for? Someone to hold your hand and do it for you?
You work for a nationally-recognized organization. You work for the largest creative writing nonprofit in the fucking country! Wear that badge as proudly as you did the first time it was handed to you! Jesus. Sometimes it's easy to forget where you are when you're always making plans. But you're so fucking lucky to work for them. To have access to all the folks in this side of the country who reach out to Poets & Writers. And even those who don't.
You get to teach a group of kids how to think and you get to show them things and be a part of their growing process in undergrad. Remember how much you loved college and reading the things that you were assigned? Remember Kip's class and Marianne's class? All those communication courses? Remember John Hales' classes? These were places that blew you open as a human and you've been doing that with these students. It's fucking amazing and it's fucking exciting and you're fucking good at it. People tell you this.
You live in the coolest apartment you've ever lived in, surrounded by some of the coolest neighborhoods in the world. Hollywood, Koreatown, DTLA, Los Feliz, etc. etc. etc. Go to Skylight, goddamn it, go to The Last Bookstore! Go to event! See performances! There are cute, single people at these events, too. HELLO. Open yourself up and see what you're surrounded by!
You get to live with one of the coolest people you've ever met. Even though Taylor is in a weird place right now, he's always listened and he's never been angry with you. He's never treated you like shit or made you feel bad about yourself. He's always been encouraging. Those times you've gone and been grumpy, he hasn't held against you.
You work with really great people. Aaron, Josh, Chris Rock, Jamie, etc. etc. etc. Be happy about that! Remember when you had the worst bosses? Remember when you worked with people you wanted to punch in the face? Remember how when you did do that, you were making no money?
Seriously. Look how far you've come since Panera Bread in Indiana. Don't hate, appreciate.
You have access to all the books and you have time to write and you have people in your life who encourage your writing, but you're not playing into that encouragement. Pick up your pen and pencil or keyboard or whatever and fucking write. Share it with your students, share it with Jamie, share it with anyone who might give a damn. Seriously, just put it out there.
READ READ READ. Watching TV is bad for your mind. Read more. Expand more.
You were always much happier when you read.
Reach out more. Tell people you appreciate them, love them, and be supportive and encouraging. When you do it, you will feel encouraged. Compliment people, smile at people, be outwardly enthusiastic. Stop keeping that shit in when you feel it. Express your concerns or doubts. Express yourself. No one can be upset with you for being honest.
Anyone who has treated you like shit in the past, that is THEIR problem and not yours. You have no control over how people choose to react to things that have transpired. So NEVER take accountability and feel as if you're less of a person because someone decided they were going to treat you poorly. You don't bloody deserve that. You. Don't. Deserve. That.
Learn how to say NO, too. You have energy, verve, and vitality, but you use it up so quickly. Pace yourself. You're in good shape and you are an attractive person. Stop telling yourself that you aren't because you bloody well are. Get dressed up. Put some effort into making yourself look presentable.
Get excited about what is about to happen because it's bloody exciting. When you feel like someone is pressing down your mood, like Nick, either exit the situation or speak up in a positive way.
You get to do whatever the hell you want next. Apply to schools, try for a promotion, move to a different city or a different country. You have the luxury of being completely untethered.
Use your gifts and your talents. Let them be heard. Listen to what people say in return, but don't let anything destroy you because that's weakness. Be good, be loyal, be kind as you've always been. Don't let that go. Just remember that you are not anyone's punching bag. Not even your own.
I'm always looking for something happening later, for something I will get, for something that is yet to come that no wonder I experience so much anxiety, am such a grump, and often can't appreciate those things I already have. Well, fuck, girl. Here's your chance:
You live in a city that grants you access to just about any experience you could ever want to have and you've only taken a little advantage of it. You're lucky--you get to! You've wanted to interview people and you've wanted feedback. Well, use your students and your experiences with the literary world to do so! What the fuck are you waiting for? Someone to hold your hand and do it for you?
You work for a nationally-recognized organization. You work for the largest creative writing nonprofit in the fucking country! Wear that badge as proudly as you did the first time it was handed to you! Jesus. Sometimes it's easy to forget where you are when you're always making plans. But you're so fucking lucky to work for them. To have access to all the folks in this side of the country who reach out to Poets & Writers. And even those who don't.
You get to teach a group of kids how to think and you get to show them things and be a part of their growing process in undergrad. Remember how much you loved college and reading the things that you were assigned? Remember Kip's class and Marianne's class? All those communication courses? Remember John Hales' classes? These were places that blew you open as a human and you've been doing that with these students. It's fucking amazing and it's fucking exciting and you're fucking good at it. People tell you this.
You live in the coolest apartment you've ever lived in, surrounded by some of the coolest neighborhoods in the world. Hollywood, Koreatown, DTLA, Los Feliz, etc. etc. etc. Go to Skylight, goddamn it, go to The Last Bookstore! Go to event! See performances! There are cute, single people at these events, too. HELLO. Open yourself up and see what you're surrounded by!
You get to live with one of the coolest people you've ever met. Even though Taylor is in a weird place right now, he's always listened and he's never been angry with you. He's never treated you like shit or made you feel bad about yourself. He's always been encouraging. Those times you've gone and been grumpy, he hasn't held against you.
You work with really great people. Aaron, Josh, Chris Rock, Jamie, etc. etc. etc. Be happy about that! Remember when you had the worst bosses? Remember when you worked with people you wanted to punch in the face? Remember how when you did do that, you were making no money?
Seriously. Look how far you've come since Panera Bread in Indiana. Don't hate, appreciate.
You have access to all the books and you have time to write and you have people in your life who encourage your writing, but you're not playing into that encouragement. Pick up your pen and pencil or keyboard or whatever and fucking write. Share it with your students, share it with Jamie, share it with anyone who might give a damn. Seriously, just put it out there.
READ READ READ. Watching TV is bad for your mind. Read more. Expand more.
You were always much happier when you read.
Reach out more. Tell people you appreciate them, love them, and be supportive and encouraging. When you do it, you will feel encouraged. Compliment people, smile at people, be outwardly enthusiastic. Stop keeping that shit in when you feel it. Express your concerns or doubts. Express yourself. No one can be upset with you for being honest.
Anyone who has treated you like shit in the past, that is THEIR problem and not yours. You have no control over how people choose to react to things that have transpired. So NEVER take accountability and feel as if you're less of a person because someone decided they were going to treat you poorly. You don't bloody deserve that. You. Don't. Deserve. That.
Learn how to say NO, too. You have energy, verve, and vitality, but you use it up so quickly. Pace yourself. You're in good shape and you are an attractive person. Stop telling yourself that you aren't because you bloody well are. Get dressed up. Put some effort into making yourself look presentable.
Get excited about what is about to happen because it's bloody exciting. When you feel like someone is pressing down your mood, like Nick, either exit the situation or speak up in a positive way.
You get to do whatever the hell you want next. Apply to schools, try for a promotion, move to a different city or a different country. You have the luxury of being completely untethered.
Use your gifts and your talents. Let them be heard. Listen to what people say in return, but don't let anything destroy you because that's weakness. Be good, be loyal, be kind as you've always been. Don't let that go. Just remember that you are not anyone's punching bag. Not even your own.