Like stars burning holes right through the dark
Dream sequence, with Saix. Written for in-game New Year's event.
Where he expects the Darkness to appear that night, it doesn't; it's there, on the edges of the streets Axel walks, hissing, seething, reaching, but it doesn't come out. Maybe it's the brightness. Axel didn't know that even in the depths of night the moon can be that huge, that full, gilding everything in an edge of ghostly white, and in that crazy half-light he wanders, fearless and restless, waiting for something to come from the shadows. The moon stays above him all the time, never more than a quarter or so obscured by even the tallest of skyscrapers. His own personal spotlight, shining down on him, marking him out.
Come on, then. Come out and find me.
There's a place he wanders through often enough in Sector 4, a traffic circle with a fountain in the middle like a huge reflecting pool. No vehicles, of course, not at this time of night. The moonlight catches and ripples over the bubbling of water, a glimmering of light in the middle of a circle of gray concrete, and beside it someone stands, black-clothed, black-hooded. He waits in a patch of pale brightness, and that's when Axel understands: it isn't him the light has been marking out.
"A moon-drenched impasse," he says aloud.
Saix lifts a single hand to push back his cowl. Beneath blue hair his eyes are yellow and empty. "Very good, Axel."
"You should have come sooner." He sounds so friendly. Axel would have killed him first, never mind waiting for the right time: he would have done it, and burned away the corpse until there was nothing left. In a way it's his right, isn't it? And more important, maybe, is that he could, he could have killed him. Can kill him.
"Axel." Saix's voice is as empty as his eyes, but Axel's used to that, isn't he? It's never disturbed him and never will. "You shouldn't have died before I had my chance. Always a traitor until the end. Where is your loyalty? Did you ever possess even a shred of it?"
Axel laughs. "We're Nobodies, Saix. What kind of loyalty do we have?"
"To the Organization. To the Superior. We could have had back what we lost."
That's always been something between them. "I don't want it back."
"So you left me with no choice." Saix extends a hand, palm out in front of his chest, and Axel waited for the claymore to appear before he called his own chakrams. "I would have killed you then, but I'll do it here instead. You deserve it, Axel."
"You're right about that, I'm sure." There's no fear, of course; he doesn't feel it, doesn't even have it inside him. Not so substantial an emotion; the void in him is too vast to be filled. Beneath the moon, Saix's eyes seem to brighten. The pale cast increases and drives back the shadows, and Axel adds the orange glow of his fire: the place needs a little color, anyway.
*
"Hey, Saix, remember when we were kids?"
The two of them, and the elderly keeper of a shop for arms supplies; she'd needed pack mules for a delivery to the castle, and Lea, never one to squander an opportunity, had dragged Isa as far as the northwest foyer before they'd been caught. Their ears still smarted from being yanked on the way out, but Lea was still certain their tenacity had made a good impression. Isa declared that he was dreaming; the shopkeeper only shook her head and wondered aloud why they were so much trouble.
"No," Saix says flatly. "I don't remember. Neither do you."
"I never thought I did." Axel stands at the center of crackling fire and steam hissing off the fountain; he doesn't hesitate to burn as hot as he can, but Saix hasn't shown his real power yet. "Terra and Ven reminded me, though. Remember Ven?"
Saix's eyes brighten. "I don't remember."
"Too bad. He's a good kid, but you'll never see him again."
"What makes you think I have any interest in those children?" It isn't just his eyes getting brighter; it's the light, the moon, the weapon in his hand. Axel feels his teeth clench; he's grinning hard and his hands tighten on the chakrams, ready. "My interest is in our mission, not a traitorous Keyblade wielder and a puppet."
Axel smiles. "You know something, Saix? The only time I remember you ever had a heart is when you get into one of your rages."
He sees that rage come over Saix's eyes, in the claymore, consuming him, and burns bright to meet it. Between the two of them, once friends, now enemies, it seems almost the same: his volatile fire, Saix's unpredictable beast. But the moon's power is borrowed, the moon's rage is borrowed. The fire in Axel is a part of him, a substance making up for blood and bone, his own element: the thing that consumed him, when he decided it was worth dying to save Sora, and Roxas. Not as empty as all that, maybe.
*
"I'm disappointed in you." Saix has come down again, but not before driving the claymore through him; Axel's turning insubstantial, turning back to darkness. At least there's not a lot of pain. Once was too many times to be here. "Why are you dying? What is there for you to die for?"
Axel wonders how often he's asked himself the same question. "Does it piss you off? That I died just to bring Sora to your doorstep, that time before?"
Saix lets go of his weapon. It disappears, back into nothing and moonlight. "You are the least of us Nobodies, Axel."
He feels...not cold. Not even angry. It's something like pity, instead, when he looks back at Saix, and can almost recall Isa's face. The way there was something substantial behind his eyes, back then. Call it the heart. Call it friendship. It's been too long since he's seen it to really remember.
You were the one who changed.
"You're the most of us Nobodies, Saix," he says aloud. "You're the most like nothing."
*
Beside the fountain, he's solid again, and he can't see the moon. It's dark and flat in the sky above, like clouds have come in, and there's only the streetlights left to shine on the water.
Could this be called regret? It's small, a little marble out of place, infinitesimal. But he can feel it, maybe because he's so empty inside; no matter how tiny, it carries weight.
For a moment he rationalizes. He had thought about Roxas and Xion, and Sora, who always made him feel--
Like I had a heart.
He laughs at himself.
Where he expects the Darkness to appear that night, it doesn't; it's there, on the edges of the streets Axel walks, hissing, seething, reaching, but it doesn't come out. Maybe it's the brightness. Axel didn't know that even in the depths of night the moon can be that huge, that full, gilding everything in an edge of ghostly white, and in that crazy half-light he wanders, fearless and restless, waiting for something to come from the shadows. The moon stays above him all the time, never more than a quarter or so obscured by even the tallest of skyscrapers. His own personal spotlight, shining down on him, marking him out.
Come on, then. Come out and find me.
There's a place he wanders through often enough in Sector 4, a traffic circle with a fountain in the middle like a huge reflecting pool. No vehicles, of course, not at this time of night. The moonlight catches and ripples over the bubbling of water, a glimmering of light in the middle of a circle of gray concrete, and beside it someone stands, black-clothed, black-hooded. He waits in a patch of pale brightness, and that's when Axel understands: it isn't him the light has been marking out.
"A moon-drenched impasse," he says aloud.
Saix lifts a single hand to push back his cowl. Beneath blue hair his eyes are yellow and empty. "Very good, Axel."
"You should have come sooner." He sounds so friendly. Axel would have killed him first, never mind waiting for the right time: he would have done it, and burned away the corpse until there was nothing left. In a way it's his right, isn't it? And more important, maybe, is that he could, he could have killed him. Can kill him.
"Axel." Saix's voice is as empty as his eyes, but Axel's used to that, isn't he? It's never disturbed him and never will. "You shouldn't have died before I had my chance. Always a traitor until the end. Where is your loyalty? Did you ever possess even a shred of it?"
Axel laughs. "We're Nobodies, Saix. What kind of loyalty do we have?"
"To the Organization. To the Superior. We could have had back what we lost."
That's always been something between them. "I don't want it back."
"So you left me with no choice." Saix extends a hand, palm out in front of his chest, and Axel waited for the claymore to appear before he called his own chakrams. "I would have killed you then, but I'll do it here instead. You deserve it, Axel."
"You're right about that, I'm sure." There's no fear, of course; he doesn't feel it, doesn't even have it inside him. Not so substantial an emotion; the void in him is too vast to be filled. Beneath the moon, Saix's eyes seem to brighten. The pale cast increases and drives back the shadows, and Axel adds the orange glow of his fire: the place needs a little color, anyway.
*
"Hey, Saix, remember when we were kids?"
The two of them, and the elderly keeper of a shop for arms supplies; she'd needed pack mules for a delivery to the castle, and Lea, never one to squander an opportunity, had dragged Isa as far as the northwest foyer before they'd been caught. Their ears still smarted from being yanked on the way out, but Lea was still certain their tenacity had made a good impression. Isa declared that he was dreaming; the shopkeeper only shook her head and wondered aloud why they were so much trouble.
"No," Saix says flatly. "I don't remember. Neither do you."
"I never thought I did." Axel stands at the center of crackling fire and steam hissing off the fountain; he doesn't hesitate to burn as hot as he can, but Saix hasn't shown his real power yet. "Terra and Ven reminded me, though. Remember Ven?"
Saix's eyes brighten. "I don't remember."
"Too bad. He's a good kid, but you'll never see him again."
"What makes you think I have any interest in those children?" It isn't just his eyes getting brighter; it's the light, the moon, the weapon in his hand. Axel feels his teeth clench; he's grinning hard and his hands tighten on the chakrams, ready. "My interest is in our mission, not a traitorous Keyblade wielder and a puppet."
Axel smiles. "You know something, Saix? The only time I remember you ever had a heart is when you get into one of your rages."
He sees that rage come over Saix's eyes, in the claymore, consuming him, and burns bright to meet it. Between the two of them, once friends, now enemies, it seems almost the same: his volatile fire, Saix's unpredictable beast. But the moon's power is borrowed, the moon's rage is borrowed. The fire in Axel is a part of him, a substance making up for blood and bone, his own element: the thing that consumed him, when he decided it was worth dying to save Sora, and Roxas. Not as empty as all that, maybe.
*
"I'm disappointed in you." Saix has come down again, but not before driving the claymore through him; Axel's turning insubstantial, turning back to darkness. At least there's not a lot of pain. Once was too many times to be here. "Why are you dying? What is there for you to die for?"
Axel wonders how often he's asked himself the same question. "Does it piss you off? That I died just to bring Sora to your doorstep, that time before?"
Saix lets go of his weapon. It disappears, back into nothing and moonlight. "You are the least of us Nobodies, Axel."
He feels...not cold. Not even angry. It's something like pity, instead, when he looks back at Saix, and can almost recall Isa's face. The way there was something substantial behind his eyes, back then. Call it the heart. Call it friendship. It's been too long since he's seen it to really remember.
You were the one who changed.
"You're the most of us Nobodies, Saix," he says aloud. "You're the most like nothing."
*
Beside the fountain, he's solid again, and he can't see the moon. It's dark and flat in the sky above, like clouds have come in, and there's only the streetlights left to shine on the water.
Could this be called regret? It's small, a little marble out of place, infinitesimal. But he can feel it, maybe because he's so empty inside; no matter how tiny, it carries weight.
For a moment he rationalizes. He had thought about Roxas and Xion, and Sora, who always made him feel--
Like I had a heart.
He laughs at himself.