So...I Feel This Way...
The How Do I Love Thee Letter
3-23-14
I’ve been thinking a lot this morning about you and what I love about you and why I love you and this is all going to sound really rambly and I know you hate when I ramble…well…maybe it just annoys you. When I’m with you-whether it’s in person or on the phone-I can always be myself with you and you don’t make me feel ashamed to be who I am and you apparently saw/see some worth in me that I honestly never saw in myself. I love that. I love that I can be vulnerable with you without feeling like I’m being judged.
I love the way that you smile and I love seeing you wake up in the morning. The little things that remind me of you like your love of all things Norse. Or seeing a particularly funny bit of physical comedy and thinking, “Heather would’ve found that hilarious,” or thinking about your laugh and how you seemingly laugh with your full body. Or just seeing pics of you and being reminded that you’re in my life. Call it sappy or overly sentimental, but I think those things matter.
These past few weeks I’ve been reminded time and again by friends that ‘there are other women’ and yeah, that’s true. I probably could date hundreds of women and maybe one I might fall for, but it won’t be you. The way I feel for you is irreplaceable and you’re irreplaceable to me. You definitely aren’t easily forgotten or easily replaced. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way, because you’re special and you’re special to me. And that’s really all that matters.
Maybe we will never be and that’ll suck, but I’m willing to wait to see if it will. I love you and I can’t just let go of that like a useless appendage. So if I’m stupid or naive or any other adjective you can use for someone saying they’re willing to put their romantic life on hold for one person then so be it. But I feel I have a future with you. And I know you keep telling me that I don’t make this easy and that’s good. I don’t want it to be easy for either of us, because I think love and relationships aren’t ever meant to be completely easy.
If it were easy then neither of us would need to do anything to keep anything going and that’s just lifelessness-you do have a partner in me, however. I can’t offer you perfection or the world. I can offer you my heart and devote myself to you when you’re willing to give it a chance. You’re never absent from my mind and you’re never invisible to me. I never take you for granted and I never will.
I tell you all of this and you probably know it and you’re probably sick of hearing it and I’m also telling you this knowing that I may never be with you, but I want you to know all of this because it needs to be said and I don’t know how to show you adequately enough right now how I feel because of my problems. Just know that you’ll always have me in your life however this turns out and that I love you and have complete trust in you with my life and with my heart.
3-23-14
I’ve been thinking a lot this morning about you and what I love about you and why I love you and this is all going to sound really rambly and I know you hate when I ramble…well…maybe it just annoys you. When I’m with you-whether it’s in person or on the phone-I can always be myself with you and you don’t make me feel ashamed to be who I am and you apparently saw/see some worth in me that I honestly never saw in myself. I love that. I love that I can be vulnerable with you without feeling like I’m being judged.
I love the way that you smile and I love seeing you wake up in the morning. The little things that remind me of you like your love of all things Norse. Or seeing a particularly funny bit of physical comedy and thinking, “Heather would’ve found that hilarious,” or thinking about your laugh and how you seemingly laugh with your full body. Or just seeing pics of you and being reminded that you’re in my life. Call it sappy or overly sentimental, but I think those things matter.
These past few weeks I’ve been reminded time and again by friends that ‘there are other women’ and yeah, that’s true. I probably could date hundreds of women and maybe one I might fall for, but it won’t be you. The way I feel for you is irreplaceable and you’re irreplaceable to me. You definitely aren’t easily forgotten or easily replaced. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way, because you’re special and you’re special to me. And that’s really all that matters.
Maybe we will never be and that’ll suck, but I’m willing to wait to see if it will. I love you and I can’t just let go of that like a useless appendage. So if I’m stupid or naive or any other adjective you can use for someone saying they’re willing to put their romantic life on hold for one person then so be it. But I feel I have a future with you. And I know you keep telling me that I don’t make this easy and that’s good. I don’t want it to be easy for either of us, because I think love and relationships aren’t ever meant to be completely easy.
If it were easy then neither of us would need to do anything to keep anything going and that’s just lifelessness-you do have a partner in me, however. I can’t offer you perfection or the world. I can offer you my heart and devote myself to you when you’re willing to give it a chance. You’re never absent from my mind and you’re never invisible to me. I never take you for granted and I never will.
I tell you all of this and you probably know it and you’re probably sick of hearing it and I’m also telling you this knowing that I may never be with you, but I want you to know all of this because it needs to be said and I don’t know how to show you adequately enough right now how I feel because of my problems. Just know that you’ll always have me in your life however this turns out and that I love you and have complete trust in you with my life and with my heart.