summer
I havent updated this in forever. Well It's summer now I stll stand by my previous post prior to the last. Steven and Vanessa are still together and just as irritating. She comes over and screams her little lungs out and uggh. It's not normal to wake up to her screaming for a pop. Get your own, you ass. I guess they lightened up a bit and I'm not as miserable anymore, so thats good I guess. I still fall apart when Im alone, and I dont know why. theres really no reason to. I mean, I have it made right now. I can drive, my parents are away 2 weeks of every month, and I have the best boyfriend in the world. I guess I just miss the idea of home. Home for me now is an empty house, with sometimes 2 annoying people that i dont talk to. It was never supposed to be that way. The sad thing is that I wished for all this a loooong time ago.
Today is our 2 month but it really doesnt seem like it. Maybe because I'm alone right now. He's gonna be here in a few minutes, but Im not very happy at all. I just dont understand whats wrong with me. I've been emotionally unstable for the longest time and I dont know how to be happy anymore unless I'm around someone else. I cant handle this anymore and I dont know whats going to happen if I cant shake this depressed state that I'm always in.
I cant believe how little I've have changed in 6 months. My outlook on life is the same, my emotions are the same, the same emptiness remains inside and I dont know how to fill it. It almost feels like part of my heart broke away, ever since those stupid dreams started. When they did I always thought he'd be here eventually, as if he had it and he was there for a second. Literally. then I let it go and never had a dream again. I never got my heart back either.Then I met Jon and now all I dream of is him and how perfect we are for eachother. I dont know why that doesnt make everything better, but it doesnt. I feel so bad and I hate myself for all of this because I love him so much, but I just dont know how to handle this. I dont feel like a guy like that deserves a girl like me. I thought I'd be through this by now. I mean it was all a silly fantasy that seemed so real right? So why is it affecting me this way? I cant stand this anymore and I just want things to back to the way they were 3 years ago.
Today is our 2 month but it really doesnt seem like it. Maybe because I'm alone right now. He's gonna be here in a few minutes, but Im not very happy at all. I just dont understand whats wrong with me. I've been emotionally unstable for the longest time and I dont know how to be happy anymore unless I'm around someone else. I cant handle this anymore and I dont know whats going to happen if I cant shake this depressed state that I'm always in.
I cant believe how little I've have changed in 6 months. My outlook on life is the same, my emotions are the same, the same emptiness remains inside and I dont know how to fill it. It almost feels like part of my heart broke away, ever since those stupid dreams started. When they did I always thought he'd be here eventually, as if he had it and he was there for a second. Literally. then I let it go and never had a dream again. I never got my heart back either.Then I met Jon and now all I dream of is him and how perfect we are for eachother. I dont know why that doesnt make everything better, but it doesnt. I feel so bad and I hate myself for all of this because I love him so much, but I just dont know how to handle this. I dont feel like a guy like that deserves a girl like me. I thought I'd be through this by now. I mean it was all a silly fantasy that seemed so real right? So why is it affecting me this way? I cant stand this anymore and I just want things to back to the way they were 3 years ago.