(no subject)
Not surprising that it happened but after almost three and a half years Brian and I have split. There is going to be no wedding and he and I have gone our own ways. It sucks but it was also my decision. It was getting hard when we weren't really talking about anything but work and having the same arguments over and over. There were so many things that needed to change and I don't think they could have enough for both of us to be happy.
More and more it became apparent to me that our interests and goals in life were just to different for everything to work out. He wants to lead a life centered around his religion whether as a pastor or layman it would be a very main focus. I have no desire to be in any way part of the religious lime light. That is not my calling. I would not be able to deal with the pedestal I would be placed on at all. I don't want a community of people looking at me for an example on how to live and then doing nothing but nit picking, telling me how I am doing it wrong, and that I am failing them. That is there issue not mine. My life should not have to be altered to fit into anyone's ideal mold but mine. Plus we had different ideas on when to have kids as well as how to raise them. Pretty big deal in my opinion.
The arguments didn't really help at all either. We just couldn't seem to stop having the same ones. They always ended up going the same way and never really ended but were just put on pause for a bit of time. Nothing was ever resolved. The biggest one seemed to stem from his interaction with my family and my connection to them. I'm sorry but I don't see anything wrong with being close to my family but he did. I actually find that a bit ironic looking back since his main goal was to settle down and have a family. His favorite thing to say when we had this argument was that he was planning to marry me not my family; what he didn't understand was that it was a package deal. I love may family and no matter what happens they are people I can always depend on; I am not going to cut ties with them just because I am marrying.
What is nice though is that we both agreed we still want to try and be friends. It was almost four years we were together and I can't just cut him out of my life. With out Brian I wouldn't be where I am at today. More than likely I would still be a person with out much of a backbone and I have him to thank for helping me become a stronger person. I still care deeply about him and always will. Hopefully after everything has settled some we can hang out as friends again. For now we still talk and I am happy about that. Brian will always be an important person to me and I would be unhappy if I lost him totally. Unfortunately things didn't work out the way we originally hoped they would but that's okay. I hope we can both learn from it and find the person that will be everything we need them to be with out so many battles between us.
So anyway most of my friends already knew this but I just wanted to share with the ones I might not see every day.
More and more it became apparent to me that our interests and goals in life were just to different for everything to work out. He wants to lead a life centered around his religion whether as a pastor or layman it would be a very main focus. I have no desire to be in any way part of the religious lime light. That is not my calling. I would not be able to deal with the pedestal I would be placed on at all. I don't want a community of people looking at me for an example on how to live and then doing nothing but nit picking, telling me how I am doing it wrong, and that I am failing them. That is there issue not mine. My life should not have to be altered to fit into anyone's ideal mold but mine. Plus we had different ideas on when to have kids as well as how to raise them. Pretty big deal in my opinion.
The arguments didn't really help at all either. We just couldn't seem to stop having the same ones. They always ended up going the same way and never really ended but were just put on pause for a bit of time. Nothing was ever resolved. The biggest one seemed to stem from his interaction with my family and my connection to them. I'm sorry but I don't see anything wrong with being close to my family but he did. I actually find that a bit ironic looking back since his main goal was to settle down and have a family. His favorite thing to say when we had this argument was that he was planning to marry me not my family; what he didn't understand was that it was a package deal. I love may family and no matter what happens they are people I can always depend on; I am not going to cut ties with them just because I am marrying.
What is nice though is that we both agreed we still want to try and be friends. It was almost four years we were together and I can't just cut him out of my life. With out Brian I wouldn't be where I am at today. More than likely I would still be a person with out much of a backbone and I have him to thank for helping me become a stronger person. I still care deeply about him and always will. Hopefully after everything has settled some we can hang out as friends again. For now we still talk and I am happy about that. Brian will always be an important person to me and I would be unhappy if I lost him totally. Unfortunately things didn't work out the way we originally hoped they would but that's okay. I hope we can both learn from it and find the person that will be everything we need them to be with out so many battles between us.
So anyway most of my friends already knew this but I just wanted to share with the ones I might not see every day.