Bad news never has good timing
It seems that when I start trending in the correct direction, there always seems to be some kind of hiccup that sets me back to my starting point. Case in point: I really thought we were going to start making some real progress in paying on our debts only to find out my car needs tires. I’ve been working my ass off and it feels like I’m just treading water. We aren’t “thriving” financially, we aren’t even “surviving”. We are straight up struggling.
Jason has been working tons of OT, I’ve been instacarting, but it doesn’t seem to matter. It’s always too many bills and not enough income. I’m wondering exactly what amount of money it would take monthly to not struggle. None of our bills are paid late, none of our bills ever come in a multitude of colored envelopes. We have food in the fridge and pantry (though sometimes it’s like an episode of Chopped with the ingredients), but there doesn’t ever seem to be any extra. The kids luckily have enough clothes, Jason and I wear things to the point where they’re threadbare and falling apart, but when will the cycle of poor end?
A friend told me that too many people put too much emphasis on money. I thought to myself “that’s something someone who has money would say” and to a point, it is true. It’s all about the haves and the have nots. Those who have don’t have this cloud following them around, and those who don’t wonder when the cloud is going to catch up and unleash a torrent of shit on them. It begs the question, how do those who are perpetually on the struggle bus get off and find their own ride?
I’ve never not worked in my life. I’ve always wondered how much harder I can push without killing myself. I push myself incredibly hard. I feel like I’m constantly sprinting through life to ensure my children have what they need, don’t ask much for myself, and make sure I show up for those who need me to show up for them. I am very grateful for those who do show up for me in return. But I feel like a lot of those around me have had some kind of hand up in life; and this is a wonderful thing indeed. I’m hoping my hand up happens sooner than later because I’m ready for a change.
I’m optimistic that things will turn the correct way. I know my fate isn’t to struggle this hard. I know that great things will befall me and my children, but patience is a virtue, especially when finances are involved, that I am lacking.