Language lessons
Yesterday at 6AM I woke up to write a research paper for my English class. I opened my mailbox to retrieve the notes I sent myself from earlier and saw that Wyatt had finally replied to my e-mail. It had been since last Tuesday since I had heard anything from him (and he had promised to call Wednesday when he got back to Korea from Malaysia).
The e-mail, in short, urged me NOT to go to Korea because "the situation" (our relationship) had changed. He had started sleeping with another "female" that week and decided, after all his insistence to go visit, that it wasn't a good idea.
So, I was dumped, through an e-mail, internationally, two weeks prior to a flight I had booked at his persistent asking of me and prompting me to do so.
Honestly, before he came back to the states to "visit me", I had no intention of visiting him and was waiting to talk to him on Skype to end things, as I didn't feel like I was getting the attention I feel I deserve from a man I'm seeing, especially after we decided, or so I thought after talking about traveling together, living together, intense relationship status topics, that we were exclusive ("in love"). This is what we told each other... and I had felt until he stopped telling me and I got suspicious... Then, I thought "maybe he does care, if he came all the way across the world to see me". I was so wrong.
So I've been fluctuating from crying over all of the misplace intense feelings I had for a narcissistic man (I didn't even know what that really entailed before, now I do) who had no intentions of severity in my respects, relief that I had not gone out to Korea to be stranded on my own to find my own way, and angry that he had such little respect, lack of kindness, and empathy and I hadn't realized (because I believed his words, as opposed to his actions).
It is very sad, to lose something so wrenching.
It is very kind and healing and overwhelming, though, that there are people, wonderful and kind and loving people, in my life that are so supportive and caring and protective. I don't want to be by myself right now, and other than sleeping and the morning I haven't had to be, and I'm so thankful for that. Indigo has been so understanding and sweet, and Kim and Wes took me in last night and let me vent and mom has made soup and held me while I cried (when I've done so around her). Shawn is playing music with me and has been very considerate as well. Indigo even called Manu and invited me to Paris, which is unfathomably amazing, and John called me from Thailand and was very insightful and consoling and said he would have me travel with him as well, and Shannon e-mailed me back an ecstatically warm invitation to India. I can't remember ever feeling as loved, heartbreak aside. There are wonderful people in the world, in my little short life, and it is both consoling and inspiring. I hope I am as good a friend in return, because I am attached for sure, and I adore and love my friends to no avail. Love as trust, tolerance, respect, warmth and fondness and while I didn't get these things from Wyatt, even though I thought I was, I'm so glad they're not an abstract idea and I can feel them and be sure of loves existence still. Maybe, hopefully, someday I'll have that in a lover again.
I'll be switching my flight today. I have some e-mails and research and homework (ha!) to do as well. here goes...
The e-mail, in short, urged me NOT to go to Korea because "the situation" (our relationship) had changed. He had started sleeping with another "female" that week and decided, after all his insistence to go visit, that it wasn't a good idea.
So, I was dumped, through an e-mail, internationally, two weeks prior to a flight I had booked at his persistent asking of me and prompting me to do so.
Honestly, before he came back to the states to "visit me", I had no intention of visiting him and was waiting to talk to him on Skype to end things, as I didn't feel like I was getting the attention I feel I deserve from a man I'm seeing, especially after we decided, or so I thought after talking about traveling together, living together, intense relationship status topics, that we were exclusive ("in love"). This is what we told each other... and I had felt until he stopped telling me and I got suspicious... Then, I thought "maybe he does care, if he came all the way across the world to see me". I was so wrong.
So I've been fluctuating from crying over all of the misplace intense feelings I had for a narcissistic man (I didn't even know what that really entailed before, now I do) who had no intentions of severity in my respects, relief that I had not gone out to Korea to be stranded on my own to find my own way, and angry that he had such little respect, lack of kindness, and empathy and I hadn't realized (because I believed his words, as opposed to his actions).
It is very sad, to lose something so wrenching.
It is very kind and healing and overwhelming, though, that there are people, wonderful and kind and loving people, in my life that are so supportive and caring and protective. I don't want to be by myself right now, and other than sleeping and the morning I haven't had to be, and I'm so thankful for that. Indigo has been so understanding and sweet, and Kim and Wes took me in last night and let me vent and mom has made soup and held me while I cried (when I've done so around her). Shawn is playing music with me and has been very considerate as well. Indigo even called Manu and invited me to Paris, which is unfathomably amazing, and John called me from Thailand and was very insightful and consoling and said he would have me travel with him as well, and Shannon e-mailed me back an ecstatically warm invitation to India. I can't remember ever feeling as loved, heartbreak aside. There are wonderful people in the world, in my little short life, and it is both consoling and inspiring. I hope I am as good a friend in return, because I am attached for sure, and I adore and love my friends to no avail. Love as trust, tolerance, respect, warmth and fondness and while I didn't get these things from Wyatt, even though I thought I was, I'm so glad they're not an abstract idea and I can feel them and be sure of loves existence still. Maybe, hopefully, someday I'll have that in a lover again.
I'll be switching my flight today. I have some e-mails and research and homework (ha!) to do as well. here goes...