I. Charlton, thou shalt not be awesomer than Yul
Okay, so after I got my job a couple days ago, I celebrated by splurging on a nostalgia kick and buying The Ten Commandments on DVD. Back in the day when I was still in the single digits, I adored this movie. No, you don't understand. I watched it all the time. At least once a week (remember it's about as long as one of the LotR movies). That's how awesome it was to me. Watching it now though, as an adult, I'm shocked to learn several things about this movie I didn't know before. I don't mean that The Bible According to Cecille B. Demille is a lot different from The Bible According to God, either. I've always known that. Even when I was 8 eight I got a chuckle over how young Moses was, his excellence as a public speaker, and how Joshua assumes the role of sidekick back in Egypt when in reality, was he even alive? I can't remember, but he certainly wouldn't be playing Moses' lap dog yet, even if he was. Oh! And all the love interests! Hee! Good times, good times. Where was I? Oh yeah!
New revelations about The Ten Commandments:
1. Speaking of love interests, Lilia, Joshua's sweetheart. She is TOTALLY having sex with Dathan at his house. Mock me if you must (I deserve it), but I always assumed that the Jewish community was shunning her because she got to wear pretty clothes and played the harp for a git. No, I'm serious. That's what I thought.
2. Speaking of Dathan, OMG, that's Edward G. Robinson!
3. Speaking of OMGs, OMG the Master Builder is Vincent Price! He wants to suck your blood!...or just sleep with Lilia, but who doesn't in this movie?
4. Charlton Heston = Pompous Blowhard. He gets much more bearable after he goes grey, and I can only assume this is because when God talked to him through the bush, he lost his patience and said, "Oh. My. Me. Get over yourself already. You think you are all that, but you are not all that. Leave the piety to Me, leave the arrogance to Ramses and - actually, you know what? Here's a script for you. Don't deviate."
5. Most importantly: Yul Brynner = teh sex. I've always loved Yul in this part, but watching it now, I realize just how delightfully hott Yul Brynner was. I've known for years that the man was sexy, but I never realized how sexy he was in this role. Anne Baxter was on crack. Who'd go for Heston when she has Brynner following her around like a (very authoritative) puppy? Also, he is approximately a thousand times the actor Heston ever dreamed of being. He may very well have been one of the most underrated actors of his era.
New revelations about The Ten Commandments:
1. Speaking of love interests, Lilia, Joshua's sweetheart. She is TOTALLY having sex with Dathan at his house. Mock me if you must (I deserve it), but I always assumed that the Jewish community was shunning her because she got to wear pretty clothes and played the harp for a git. No, I'm serious. That's what I thought.
2. Speaking of Dathan, OMG, that's Edward G. Robinson!
3. Speaking of OMGs, OMG the Master Builder is Vincent Price! He wants to suck your blood!...or just sleep with Lilia, but who doesn't in this movie?
4. Charlton Heston = Pompous Blowhard. He gets much more bearable after he goes grey, and I can only assume this is because when God talked to him through the bush, he lost his patience and said, "Oh. My. Me. Get over yourself already. You think you are all that, but you are not all that. Leave the piety to Me, leave the arrogance to Ramses and - actually, you know what? Here's a script for you. Don't deviate."
5. Most importantly: Yul Brynner = teh sex. I've always loved Yul in this part, but watching it now, I realize just how delightfully hott Yul Brynner was. I've known for years that the man was sexy, but I never realized how sexy he was in this role. Anne Baxter was on crack. Who'd go for Heston when she has Brynner following her around like a (very authoritative) puppy? Also, he is approximately a thousand times the actor Heston ever dreamed of being. He may very well have been one of the most underrated actors of his era.