Dreaming Wide Awake - Chapter Four
Title: Dreaming Wide Awake
Summary: Sequel to Frozen in Place. With her life coming to a painful and untimely end, Teyla stepped into the stasis pod, never expecting to open her eyes on the world again. Then, one day, she did.
Rating: T
Warnings: none
Pairing: John Sheppard/Teyla Emmagan
Length: ~3,000 words
Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10302825/4/Dreaming-Wide-Awake
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis, John Sheppard, or ... well, much else really. Too bad. For fun, not profit.
Comments: My continued thanks to nacinom for her amazing beta work.
Teyla’s eyes flew open as her hands tore at the crisp, white sheets where they had only moments ago been desperately clawing at the barrier of her cold prison. Catching herself quickly, she groaned and slumped against her pillow. Around her the darkest, quietest hours of the morning still reigned. The infirmary was dimly lit and, with the exception of a few nighttime personnel, it was nearly deserted.
“Nightmare, huh?”
She turned her head and saw John sitting in the chair close to the bed, one leg casually slung over the opposite knee, a small computer tablet alight in his hand. A reading lamp shone warmly over his shoulder, revealing him in a simple t-shirt and a pair of loose-fitting pants. His hair had a disheveled quality about it that went beyond its normal, unruly status, not helped any as he ran a lazy hand through it. Although, he’d been assigned temporary quarters by the current base commander, he didn’t appear to have fared any better than she.
“You, as well?”
He skillfully avoided the question with a nonchalant shrug. “It’s probably from you being in stasis for so long. The first time I got out of the deep freeze, I had ‘em for over a week. Trapped. Not able to get out while the pod slowly filled up with sand. Sound about right?”
“Yes.” Teyla listed onto her side. “Except for the sand.”
“My own personal touch, I guess,” he said with a faint smirk. “Not that it makes that big of a difference. I don’t sleep all that much anymore.”
Not that he ever had, Teyla recalled nostalgically. Odd hours had almost been a prerequisite for his job and John had seemed uniquely qualified for it, always late to bed, early to rise, and often appearing at the most uncanny times in between. One thing she was strangely glad to see hadn’t changed.
He soon grew pensive, his head crooking to the side in mild concern. “You okay? You had a hell of a day.”
“Very true,” she admitted, tiredly. Being told she was twenty-six years out of her own time would have been enough to endure were she in prime condition, but Teyla had been in no shape to accept the news without consequence.
The strain of emotions had taken its toll on her fragile state and at the first grimace, Dr. Miller had admonished Torren and Rodney to keep their visit short. They had stayed only long enough to reassure her that they weren’t leaving any time soon. As the chosen voice for the Athosians among the Coalition, Torren frequently traveled back and forth from New Athos and would extend his current stay as long as was needed to see that she was well tended during her recovery. And Rodney, while no longer Head of Science-having stepped down several years ago to concentrate on completing his work with the nanites-remained a permanent resident in Atlantis Colony along with his wife. Another piece of news that had surprised Teyla.
Though not John, it seemed.
“Do you remember that he contacted Katie to analyze the plant that did this to you?” he had asked when he noticed her curiosity. Rodney had observed with good-natured distrust as John explained.
“She transferred back to Atlantis and assembled a team,” she’d said, pleased to recall something of import.
He nodded. “Well, Katie was the only one McKay trusted to do the job right. And eventually,” he emphasized for Rodney’s benefit, “one thing led to another, Rodney got down on his knee and begged ...”
“... and they were married.”
“I know it’s a little weird to think of McKay being married. But, trust me, it’s even weirder to think that it’s lasted this long.”
The understated wink he gave her then and the resentful “Hey!” from Rodney marked the first time Teyla had laughed since learning her life was destined to be cut short. After such an elongated period of heartache and tumult, John had given her an extraordinary gift.
His unmatched ability to know exactly what she needed most was what had given her the strength to undergo the battery of tests that came next as well as the welcoming and thankfully succinct visit from Atlantis’ current commander and military leader. The only time John had left her the entire day was when Col. Edison had briefly pulled him aside on his way out. Otherwise, he remained a constant presence, talking to her and telling her more of the events she had missed, acting as her touchstone while the nanites in her bloodstream worked to bolster her vital signs. He helped her relax when she needed it and tried to distract her every time he sensed her thoughts drifting back to Torren.
Even the news, a few hours ago, that she had finally stabilized enough to begin Phase Two of her treatment had not been enough to pull her away from the idea that her young son had become a man while she slept.
She glanced up from her bed at John, who returned her gaze as though he knew exactly where her mind had traveled. She said quietly, “He is so different.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since he was thirteen and the kid still calls me ‘Uncle John’.” He offered her a soothing smile. Teyla was immensely grateful he cared enough to put forth the effort, but it was momentarily overshadowed by a twinge of unbridled envy. He had seen Torren grow, had known him as a young teenager while she could only imagine it.
“He is not a child anymore, John. It was only yesterday … he was a child.”
“I know it seems that way.” He leaned forward, elbows braced on his thighs. “Madison says you’re gonna be as good as new in a few days. Once you’re out of here and you get a chance to look around, maybe it won’t seem so bad.”
Her eyes flitted to the blank, dark ceiling. “You are probably right.”
“I’m sorry. It’s not much of a consolation prize for being unable to raise your son, is it?”
“I was never going to be able to raise Torren,” she said, more to herself than anything. She would need to accept that sooner or later. Lamenting the years lost was ludicrous when, at least this way, she had been granted the chance to know him at all. She would choose this course over death any day.
Still, somewhere within, a part of her mourned.
John sighed. His leg dropped to the floor as he scooted closer, a thin frown on his face. “Listen, McKay’s gonna dial up Sateda in the morning and radio Ronon. Let him know you’re back. I guess he didn’t want to tell him ... you know ... in case things didn’t go so well.”
She nodded, her gaze drawn back downward. “It will be good to see him.”
“Yeah.” John paused and, for a moment, he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Ronon … He, uh, took it pretty hard when you … We all did.”
Teyla reached for his hand. He met her halfway and held it snugly. There was so much churning behind his eyes, so much they needed to say, things they had yet to talk about and questions that had yet to be asked. John had not come out and said what it was he had done for her, but Teyla had figured it out soon enough. It was the only logical explanation for why he had not aged as much as the others, and with the things he said he didn’t act as though he was trying to hide it.
But they had yet to speak of it. Much like before she had been placed in stasis, they didn’t speak of a lot of things; how she had felt being the loser in the most important fight of her life, the nearly imperceptible shift in their relationship as he had lingered by her side during her struggle. How certain boundaries between them, that had once seemed so important, had faded away as though they had never existed.
And finally, there had been the kiss. Just one. One moment of magic in the waning hours of her life, she thought as her fingers tenderly laced in and out along his. One they had shared when to her all hope was gone, and hope was all he had left. How could any words have ever summed up all they had said to each other in that one simple, exquisite moment?
Even now she found it impossible.
Teyla slowly pulled her hand away and tucked it into her chest. She quietly indicated the small computer resting in his lap. “What are you doing?”
John glanced down. “Um ... just playing catch up. Modern History of Pegasus with a special emphasis on the last fifteen years or so. It’s not a bad bedtime story overall. The content’s okay-new worlds, new species, new technologies-but mission reports tend to read a little dry. If you want, I could read you some. Oughta help you get back to sleep in no time.”
A wan smile formed on her lips. The notion of sleep wasn’t sitting well with her at the moment. “Perhaps something else?”
“What did you have in mind?”
“Anything would be fine.” In truth, she only wanted to listen to the reassuring sound of his voice.
“Once upon a time?”
She shook her head. “Tell me something real.”
“So no Friday the 13th then?”
Teyla shot him a halfhearted glare.
“Got it. No hockey masks tonight.” John sat back and played with his hands, mulling over her request. “Well, if you want real, I can do real. Once upon a time ...”
At his hesitation, Teyla arched an eyebrow in amused suspicion.
“Just listen,” he said, holding up his hand to placate her. “There was this helicopter pilot. Pretty good guy. Charming, devastatingly handsome, decent sense of humor ...” She smiled and John continued, a playful grin forming as he went. “One day, this pilot was ferrying a passenger. Someone fairly important, but it was all pretty standard stuff. Then, out of nowhere, someone’s shooting at him. He doesn’t know what’s going on. He just flies his ass off, trying not to get blown out of the sky. Turns out it was all a nefarious plot cooked up by a doctor with a shady foreign accent and his assistant, the mad scientist.”
Teyla giggled. “I believe I have heard this one.”
“Well, it’s a classic,” he said, a bright glint in his eyes. “You’ve probably heard the part about how he gets sucked through the magic portal and finds himself in a strange new land too.”
“I have, indeed.”
“Then you know all about the day this pilot met the exotic, alien princess.”
“Alien princess?” she said with bemused disbelief.
“Hey, you can’t argue with the guy telling the story.”
“Oh? And what if he is presenting an exaggerated account?”
"Do you want to take over?”
Teyla’s lips curled at the challenge, drawn back to that pivotal morning, many years ago now. “He was quite alien himself, if I recall. Speaking of strange things like Ferris wheels and college football. He was ... surprising. Not what the princess expected.”
“Yeah?”
She smiled. “He was exceptional.”
John’s brow raised teasingly. “Is that why she dragged him out into the middle of the woods all alone? Because he was ... exceptional?”
“I did no such …” At his self-satisfied smirk, Teyla reined herself in. “The princess did not drag him anywhere. She merely offered to show him something she thought might prove valuable. And he seemed willing enough to brave a short walk to the caves.”
“I fell on my face,” he muttered peevishly and her chest began to quiver with laughter.
“Yes, you did. Though you covered it well.”
“Impressed?”
“Very,” she assured him. “Tell me more, John. What did this helicopter pilot and the princess do next?”
He smiled softly. “Well … after a pretty hairy encounter with a creepy red-headed harpy, the princess decided he was gonna need a little help if he was going to stay out of trouble in this new land. So, she came to live with him in the Hidden City. And … for a long time, it was just them, the Wookie, and the mad scientist, going out and having adventures. Helping people.
John glanced down at his feet, before returning his gaze to her. “There were ... a lot of hard times, and along the way they lost some good friends. But they stayed together and got through it. They watched each other’s backs, kept each other safe. The pilot … He thought it was a pretty good life.”
“It was,” she said. “A very good life.”
“Then ...” His voice suddenly dropped so low she had to strain to hear. “Everything changed.”
Knowing what came next, Teyla felt her eyes growing moist.
John no longer looked at her. He focused on the dark infirmary, seeking distance against painful memories that her presence had undoubtedly brought far too close to the surface. “The princess came home one day and found a ... a scratch on her arm. She said she’d caught it on a thorn hiking back to the Gate. Nobody thought anything of it. The doctors checked her out, cleaned it up, and sent her on her way. It seemed like nothing.” She heard a shudder as he exhaled. “Then, she started to get sick. She … kept getting worse and worse, and nothing the doctors did helped. The pilot ... he didn’t know what to do.”
“So he helped her into a chamber of ice in the hope that, one day, she would return and be saved,” she said, helping him along and swallowing her own pain. Revisiting this particular memory was hurting him and she didn’t want this fleeting time alone together to be shrouded in sorrow. “I am afraid that is all I know, John. You will have to tell the rest. What did the pilot do after that?”
He turned back toward her, the game irreparably changed. “Worked. Put my head down and did my job.”
“When did you become a general?”
“Near the end of the war. It ...” He shook his head. A sour note weaved its way across his expression. “It doesn’t really matter anymore. All that was a lifetime ago.”
“It is a great honor,” she said. She valued all that he had accomplished in her absence and wanted him to know it. “You ended ten thousand years of systematic oppression and murder. The people of this galaxy finally have the chance to live and to hold on to their families. To discover what heights they might reach because of what you did. That matters. I am … so proud of you, John.”
In the soft light, his hazel eyes penetrated her in a bereft stare, a bald sense of purpose radiating through him, an intrinsic power he ordinarily held in reserve. Teyla could recall having seen him this way only a handful of times in all the years that had known each other. But was this the same John? He hadn’t changed nearly as much as the others, but he clearly carried old wounds she knew nothing about. Both the physical kind and others that were far less tangible. How well could she possibly know him anymore?
“I didn’t deserve that promotion, Teyla. I didn’t want it. I’m not some wartime hero, and I didn’t keep fighting the Wraith because I was on some noble crusade to liberate Pegasus. Hell, I’m the one that woke them up in the first place.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but he stopped her with a fierce look of longing. “I did it for you, Teyla. Whatever anyone else thinks, I want you to know … it was all for you.”
“Oh, John,” she whispered as she choked back a fresh wave of tears.
Teyla felt his coarse, masculine hand on her face, firm and warm. He encompassed the nape of her neck, his thumb stroking her cheek with a shocking gentleness. “You don’t have to say anything, Teyla. I can’t imagine what today has been like for you and I don’t want to make it any harder. I just want you to know … there wasn’t a single day that went by where I didn’t think about you. I never forgot.”
Teyla’s breath quivered beneath her breasts, hardly daring to believe what she was hearing was real. She reached up, covered his hand, and pulled it closer. He leaned in and filled her vision, again becoming her entire world, and she felt the tantalizing press of his lips against her forehead. He took his time, lingering on her skin as his hot breath added a new dimension to his intimate caress and left her heart screaming for more.
“John,” she managed quietly, her fingers gliding over the dark stubble on his lower cheek as he pulled back. “I …”
“Shh. Just rest, Teyla. We have all the time in the world now,” he said in low voice that wouldn’t be denied. “When you’re better, I promise. But for now you need to rest.”
“I cannot,” she whimpered, suddenly frightened beyond anything she had felt in many years, possibly since the culling that took her father from her. “John, what if I close my eyes and everything disappears again? Torren … you ...”
He grasped her hand tightly. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
A tremulous smile peeked out from behind the mask of fear on her face. How many times had John already vowed that he would be there when she finally awoke from stasis? More times than she could count. Even so, she couldn’t help but beg him for one more.
“Do you promise?”
John smiled, awash with a depth of meaning she didn’t entirely understand. “Every day.”
Summary: Sequel to Frozen in Place. With her life coming to a painful and untimely end, Teyla stepped into the stasis pod, never expecting to open her eyes on the world again. Then, one day, she did.
Rating: T
Warnings: none
Pairing: John Sheppard/Teyla Emmagan
Length: ~3,000 words
Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10302825/4/Dreaming-Wide-Awake
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis, John Sheppard, or ... well, much else really. Too bad. For fun, not profit.
Comments: My continued thanks to nacinom for her amazing beta work.
Teyla’s eyes flew open as her hands tore at the crisp, white sheets where they had only moments ago been desperately clawing at the barrier of her cold prison. Catching herself quickly, she groaned and slumped against her pillow. Around her the darkest, quietest hours of the morning still reigned. The infirmary was dimly lit and, with the exception of a few nighttime personnel, it was nearly deserted.
“Nightmare, huh?”
She turned her head and saw John sitting in the chair close to the bed, one leg casually slung over the opposite knee, a small computer tablet alight in his hand. A reading lamp shone warmly over his shoulder, revealing him in a simple t-shirt and a pair of loose-fitting pants. His hair had a disheveled quality about it that went beyond its normal, unruly status, not helped any as he ran a lazy hand through it. Although, he’d been assigned temporary quarters by the current base commander, he didn’t appear to have fared any better than she.
“You, as well?”
He skillfully avoided the question with a nonchalant shrug. “It’s probably from you being in stasis for so long. The first time I got out of the deep freeze, I had ‘em for over a week. Trapped. Not able to get out while the pod slowly filled up with sand. Sound about right?”
“Yes.” Teyla listed onto her side. “Except for the sand.”
“My own personal touch, I guess,” he said with a faint smirk. “Not that it makes that big of a difference. I don’t sleep all that much anymore.”
Not that he ever had, Teyla recalled nostalgically. Odd hours had almost been a prerequisite for his job and John had seemed uniquely qualified for it, always late to bed, early to rise, and often appearing at the most uncanny times in between. One thing she was strangely glad to see hadn’t changed.
He soon grew pensive, his head crooking to the side in mild concern. “You okay? You had a hell of a day.”
“Very true,” she admitted, tiredly. Being told she was twenty-six years out of her own time would have been enough to endure were she in prime condition, but Teyla had been in no shape to accept the news without consequence.
The strain of emotions had taken its toll on her fragile state and at the first grimace, Dr. Miller had admonished Torren and Rodney to keep their visit short. They had stayed only long enough to reassure her that they weren’t leaving any time soon. As the chosen voice for the Athosians among the Coalition, Torren frequently traveled back and forth from New Athos and would extend his current stay as long as was needed to see that she was well tended during her recovery. And Rodney, while no longer Head of Science-having stepped down several years ago to concentrate on completing his work with the nanites-remained a permanent resident in Atlantis Colony along with his wife. Another piece of news that had surprised Teyla.
Though not John, it seemed.
“Do you remember that he contacted Katie to analyze the plant that did this to you?” he had asked when he noticed her curiosity. Rodney had observed with good-natured distrust as John explained.
“She transferred back to Atlantis and assembled a team,” she’d said, pleased to recall something of import.
He nodded. “Well, Katie was the only one McKay trusted to do the job right. And eventually,” he emphasized for Rodney’s benefit, “one thing led to another, Rodney got down on his knee and begged ...”
“... and they were married.”
“I know it’s a little weird to think of McKay being married. But, trust me, it’s even weirder to think that it’s lasted this long.”
The understated wink he gave her then and the resentful “Hey!” from Rodney marked the first time Teyla had laughed since learning her life was destined to be cut short. After such an elongated period of heartache and tumult, John had given her an extraordinary gift.
His unmatched ability to know exactly what she needed most was what had given her the strength to undergo the battery of tests that came next as well as the welcoming and thankfully succinct visit from Atlantis’ current commander and military leader. The only time John had left her the entire day was when Col. Edison had briefly pulled him aside on his way out. Otherwise, he remained a constant presence, talking to her and telling her more of the events she had missed, acting as her touchstone while the nanites in her bloodstream worked to bolster her vital signs. He helped her relax when she needed it and tried to distract her every time he sensed her thoughts drifting back to Torren.
Even the news, a few hours ago, that she had finally stabilized enough to begin Phase Two of her treatment had not been enough to pull her away from the idea that her young son had become a man while she slept.
She glanced up from her bed at John, who returned her gaze as though he knew exactly where her mind had traveled. She said quietly, “He is so different.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since he was thirteen and the kid still calls me ‘Uncle John’.” He offered her a soothing smile. Teyla was immensely grateful he cared enough to put forth the effort, but it was momentarily overshadowed by a twinge of unbridled envy. He had seen Torren grow, had known him as a young teenager while she could only imagine it.
“He is not a child anymore, John. It was only yesterday … he was a child.”
“I know it seems that way.” He leaned forward, elbows braced on his thighs. “Madison says you’re gonna be as good as new in a few days. Once you’re out of here and you get a chance to look around, maybe it won’t seem so bad.”
Her eyes flitted to the blank, dark ceiling. “You are probably right.”
“I’m sorry. It’s not much of a consolation prize for being unable to raise your son, is it?”
“I was never going to be able to raise Torren,” she said, more to herself than anything. She would need to accept that sooner or later. Lamenting the years lost was ludicrous when, at least this way, she had been granted the chance to know him at all. She would choose this course over death any day.
Still, somewhere within, a part of her mourned.
John sighed. His leg dropped to the floor as he scooted closer, a thin frown on his face. “Listen, McKay’s gonna dial up Sateda in the morning and radio Ronon. Let him know you’re back. I guess he didn’t want to tell him ... you know ... in case things didn’t go so well.”
She nodded, her gaze drawn back downward. “It will be good to see him.”
“Yeah.” John paused and, for a moment, he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Ronon … He, uh, took it pretty hard when you … We all did.”
Teyla reached for his hand. He met her halfway and held it snugly. There was so much churning behind his eyes, so much they needed to say, things they had yet to talk about and questions that had yet to be asked. John had not come out and said what it was he had done for her, but Teyla had figured it out soon enough. It was the only logical explanation for why he had not aged as much as the others, and with the things he said he didn’t act as though he was trying to hide it.
But they had yet to speak of it. Much like before she had been placed in stasis, they didn’t speak of a lot of things; how she had felt being the loser in the most important fight of her life, the nearly imperceptible shift in their relationship as he had lingered by her side during her struggle. How certain boundaries between them, that had once seemed so important, had faded away as though they had never existed.
And finally, there had been the kiss. Just one. One moment of magic in the waning hours of her life, she thought as her fingers tenderly laced in and out along his. One they had shared when to her all hope was gone, and hope was all he had left. How could any words have ever summed up all they had said to each other in that one simple, exquisite moment?
Even now she found it impossible.
Teyla slowly pulled her hand away and tucked it into her chest. She quietly indicated the small computer resting in his lap. “What are you doing?”
John glanced down. “Um ... just playing catch up. Modern History of Pegasus with a special emphasis on the last fifteen years or so. It’s not a bad bedtime story overall. The content’s okay-new worlds, new species, new technologies-but mission reports tend to read a little dry. If you want, I could read you some. Oughta help you get back to sleep in no time.”
A wan smile formed on her lips. The notion of sleep wasn’t sitting well with her at the moment. “Perhaps something else?”
“What did you have in mind?”
“Anything would be fine.” In truth, she only wanted to listen to the reassuring sound of his voice.
“Once upon a time?”
She shook her head. “Tell me something real.”
“So no Friday the 13th then?”
Teyla shot him a halfhearted glare.
“Got it. No hockey masks tonight.” John sat back and played with his hands, mulling over her request. “Well, if you want real, I can do real. Once upon a time ...”
At his hesitation, Teyla arched an eyebrow in amused suspicion.
“Just listen,” he said, holding up his hand to placate her. “There was this helicopter pilot. Pretty good guy. Charming, devastatingly handsome, decent sense of humor ...” She smiled and John continued, a playful grin forming as he went. “One day, this pilot was ferrying a passenger. Someone fairly important, but it was all pretty standard stuff. Then, out of nowhere, someone’s shooting at him. He doesn’t know what’s going on. He just flies his ass off, trying not to get blown out of the sky. Turns out it was all a nefarious plot cooked up by a doctor with a shady foreign accent and his assistant, the mad scientist.”
Teyla giggled. “I believe I have heard this one.”
“Well, it’s a classic,” he said, a bright glint in his eyes. “You’ve probably heard the part about how he gets sucked through the magic portal and finds himself in a strange new land too.”
“I have, indeed.”
“Then you know all about the day this pilot met the exotic, alien princess.”
“Alien princess?” she said with bemused disbelief.
“Hey, you can’t argue with the guy telling the story.”
“Oh? And what if he is presenting an exaggerated account?”
"Do you want to take over?”
Teyla’s lips curled at the challenge, drawn back to that pivotal morning, many years ago now. “He was quite alien himself, if I recall. Speaking of strange things like Ferris wheels and college football. He was ... surprising. Not what the princess expected.”
“Yeah?”
She smiled. “He was exceptional.”
John’s brow raised teasingly. “Is that why she dragged him out into the middle of the woods all alone? Because he was ... exceptional?”
“I did no such …” At his self-satisfied smirk, Teyla reined herself in. “The princess did not drag him anywhere. She merely offered to show him something she thought might prove valuable. And he seemed willing enough to brave a short walk to the caves.”
“I fell on my face,” he muttered peevishly and her chest began to quiver with laughter.
“Yes, you did. Though you covered it well.”
“Impressed?”
“Very,” she assured him. “Tell me more, John. What did this helicopter pilot and the princess do next?”
He smiled softly. “Well … after a pretty hairy encounter with a creepy red-headed harpy, the princess decided he was gonna need a little help if he was going to stay out of trouble in this new land. So, she came to live with him in the Hidden City. And … for a long time, it was just them, the Wookie, and the mad scientist, going out and having adventures. Helping people.
John glanced down at his feet, before returning his gaze to her. “There were ... a lot of hard times, and along the way they lost some good friends. But they stayed together and got through it. They watched each other’s backs, kept each other safe. The pilot … He thought it was a pretty good life.”
“It was,” she said. “A very good life.”
“Then ...” His voice suddenly dropped so low she had to strain to hear. “Everything changed.”
Knowing what came next, Teyla felt her eyes growing moist.
John no longer looked at her. He focused on the dark infirmary, seeking distance against painful memories that her presence had undoubtedly brought far too close to the surface. “The princess came home one day and found a ... a scratch on her arm. She said she’d caught it on a thorn hiking back to the Gate. Nobody thought anything of it. The doctors checked her out, cleaned it up, and sent her on her way. It seemed like nothing.” She heard a shudder as he exhaled. “Then, she started to get sick. She … kept getting worse and worse, and nothing the doctors did helped. The pilot ... he didn’t know what to do.”
“So he helped her into a chamber of ice in the hope that, one day, she would return and be saved,” she said, helping him along and swallowing her own pain. Revisiting this particular memory was hurting him and she didn’t want this fleeting time alone together to be shrouded in sorrow. “I am afraid that is all I know, John. You will have to tell the rest. What did the pilot do after that?”
He turned back toward her, the game irreparably changed. “Worked. Put my head down and did my job.”
“When did you become a general?”
“Near the end of the war. It ...” He shook his head. A sour note weaved its way across his expression. “It doesn’t really matter anymore. All that was a lifetime ago.”
“It is a great honor,” she said. She valued all that he had accomplished in her absence and wanted him to know it. “You ended ten thousand years of systematic oppression and murder. The people of this galaxy finally have the chance to live and to hold on to their families. To discover what heights they might reach because of what you did. That matters. I am … so proud of you, John.”
In the soft light, his hazel eyes penetrated her in a bereft stare, a bald sense of purpose radiating through him, an intrinsic power he ordinarily held in reserve. Teyla could recall having seen him this way only a handful of times in all the years that had known each other. But was this the same John? He hadn’t changed nearly as much as the others, but he clearly carried old wounds she knew nothing about. Both the physical kind and others that were far less tangible. How well could she possibly know him anymore?
“I didn’t deserve that promotion, Teyla. I didn’t want it. I’m not some wartime hero, and I didn’t keep fighting the Wraith because I was on some noble crusade to liberate Pegasus. Hell, I’m the one that woke them up in the first place.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but he stopped her with a fierce look of longing. “I did it for you, Teyla. Whatever anyone else thinks, I want you to know … it was all for you.”
“Oh, John,” she whispered as she choked back a fresh wave of tears.
Teyla felt his coarse, masculine hand on her face, firm and warm. He encompassed the nape of her neck, his thumb stroking her cheek with a shocking gentleness. “You don’t have to say anything, Teyla. I can’t imagine what today has been like for you and I don’t want to make it any harder. I just want you to know … there wasn’t a single day that went by where I didn’t think about you. I never forgot.”
Teyla’s breath quivered beneath her breasts, hardly daring to believe what she was hearing was real. She reached up, covered his hand, and pulled it closer. He leaned in and filled her vision, again becoming her entire world, and she felt the tantalizing press of his lips against her forehead. He took his time, lingering on her skin as his hot breath added a new dimension to his intimate caress and left her heart screaming for more.
“John,” she managed quietly, her fingers gliding over the dark stubble on his lower cheek as he pulled back. “I …”
“Shh. Just rest, Teyla. We have all the time in the world now,” he said in low voice that wouldn’t be denied. “When you’re better, I promise. But for now you need to rest.”
“I cannot,” she whimpered, suddenly frightened beyond anything she had felt in many years, possibly since the culling that took her father from her. “John, what if I close my eyes and everything disappears again? Torren … you ...”
He grasped her hand tightly. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
A tremulous smile peeked out from behind the mask of fear on her face. How many times had John already vowed that he would be there when she finally awoke from stasis? More times than she could count. Even so, she couldn’t help but beg him for one more.
“Do you promise?”
John smiled, awash with a depth of meaning she didn’t entirely understand. “Every day.”