So exactly where did this come from...?
I have a thing (yes, at least one, probably closer to a thousand, but let's all concentrate on this one for now, shall we...).
I am paranoid that something terrible has happened to someone I love.
Call it my anxiety getting the better of me, but I can't seem to reign this one in.
Case in point - I had class tonight until 9pm. I had emailed my hubby to remind him of said class so he wouldn't worry about where I am. When I got home at 9:15pm he wasn't home and there were no indications that he had been home since I left for class. He didn't answer when I called and didn't respond to a text right away (which btw, since I sent to his work phone and he is supposed to be "on" 24/7).
I try to tell myself that he took the opportunity to go hang out with some friends since I was also out.
I really try...
But all I am really doing is trying to figure out how long I should wait until I start to call the local hospitals and police departments to find out if in the rain someone lost control of their car and killed Tim. The poor guy gets about a half dozen phone calls and a text of "where the hell are you?".
Please don't get me wrong, I don't need to Tim to ask permission to go out with friends. Go out! Have Fun! Don't get drunk and drive, but otherwise party it up. Just email me, call me, text me... SOMETHING!
Another case in point - last night I was in lovely downtown Fergus Falls MN for my last (Yep... LAST!) consulting gig there and decided to take a hot bath before bed.
At about 9-something pm my phone rang. I was concerned, but since I really didn't want to race across the room soaking wet decided to let it go to voice mail.
Less than 2 minutes later the phone rings again.
This time I jumped out of the tub, slipped and fell against the tile, somehow knocked my bra into the bath, soaked the book I was reading, ran across the room spraying water, and still didn't make it in time, but realized that one call was from a friend and one call was from a sales group.
In my mind though, it was my sister calling to tell me my mother was in the hospital, or the police was calling Tim's emergency contact to tell me he was arrested, or some other horrible thing.
If my phone rings during work hours it is something horrible because everyone knows I am working and can't take the call. If the phone rings at night it is something horrible because nobody calls me at night. If my sister calls, then my mother calls, both on the same day, it is something horrible because why else would they both call in one day?
I really wish I could calm this part of my brain down. This is the same part of the brain that keeps me from walking up the stairs at night without the light on because someone is behind me ready to grab my ankle, or can't calmly walk to the bed and get in at night when I am alone in the house (yep, I turn off the light and jump).
WTF!! I am a *cough* mature *cough* woman. I have never been mugged, never been attacked, never had a boogieman come after me (other than role playing and then come after me baby!!). Did I read Stephen King too early as a child? I used to be brave... I remember walking around at night alone, and though I would sometimes freak myself out, the majority of the time I was fine. Now the fine times are outweighed by the freaked out times 10 to 1. How old is too old to be afraid of the dark?
I am paranoid that something terrible has happened to someone I love.
Call it my anxiety getting the better of me, but I can't seem to reign this one in.
Case in point - I had class tonight until 9pm. I had emailed my hubby to remind him of said class so he wouldn't worry about where I am. When I got home at 9:15pm he wasn't home and there were no indications that he had been home since I left for class. He didn't answer when I called and didn't respond to a text right away (which btw, since I sent to his work phone and he is supposed to be "on" 24/7).
I try to tell myself that he took the opportunity to go hang out with some friends since I was also out.
I really try...
But all I am really doing is trying to figure out how long I should wait until I start to call the local hospitals and police departments to find out if in the rain someone lost control of their car and killed Tim. The poor guy gets about a half dozen phone calls and a text of "where the hell are you?".
Please don't get me wrong, I don't need to Tim to ask permission to go out with friends. Go out! Have Fun! Don't get drunk and drive, but otherwise party it up. Just email me, call me, text me... SOMETHING!
Another case in point - last night I was in lovely downtown Fergus Falls MN for my last (Yep... LAST!) consulting gig there and decided to take a hot bath before bed.
At about 9-something pm my phone rang. I was concerned, but since I really didn't want to race across the room soaking wet decided to let it go to voice mail.
Less than 2 minutes later the phone rings again.
This time I jumped out of the tub, slipped and fell against the tile, somehow knocked my bra into the bath, soaked the book I was reading, ran across the room spraying water, and still didn't make it in time, but realized that one call was from a friend and one call was from a sales group.
In my mind though, it was my sister calling to tell me my mother was in the hospital, or the police was calling Tim's emergency contact to tell me he was arrested, or some other horrible thing.
If my phone rings during work hours it is something horrible because everyone knows I am working and can't take the call. If the phone rings at night it is something horrible because nobody calls me at night. If my sister calls, then my mother calls, both on the same day, it is something horrible because why else would they both call in one day?
I really wish I could calm this part of my brain down. This is the same part of the brain that keeps me from walking up the stairs at night without the light on because someone is behind me ready to grab my ankle, or can't calmly walk to the bed and get in at night when I am alone in the house (yep, I turn off the light and jump).
WTF!! I am a *cough* mature *cough* woman. I have never been mugged, never been attacked, never had a boogieman come after me (other than role playing and then come after me baby!!). Did I read Stephen King too early as a child? I used to be brave... I remember walking around at night alone, and though I would sometimes freak myself out, the majority of the time I was fine. Now the fine times are outweighed by the freaked out times 10 to 1. How old is too old to be afraid of the dark?