diary of a cough victim
... I've never had a more vicious cough. I've been laying in bed for almost two hours
trying to sleep, but when I lay down all I do is cough.
It sucks..
Tomoro is friday, Which means I will be out late with no energy to be out on.
Spring break is a happy idea. Some how I feel it is too short.
I've come to alot of enlightenments..
Epiphanies of a sort.
About humans, and their behavior or nature.
How we love, and how we observe the people we love,
and How my friends delude themselves in an attempt
to block out over half of the human spectrum of emotion, action, and creation.
How they are only being a fraction of a human.
Trying to make themselves believe that peace love and happiness
are the only things worth looking at.
Worth living on.
Look how far it's gotten them.
You can't call yourself a true humanitarian,
Or even a true "hippy"
if all you do is focus on the good and ignore the bad.
To truly love humans and be happy with them, One needs to love every part of them.
Experience every part of them.
The positive, the negative, the in between, all of it.
You can't just single out the parts we like.
Some of the naivety I've seen lately has really unsettled me.
I'm at least two years younger than all my friends,AT LEAST.
And alot of them I look down on and think, grow up.
Sure, Idealism is great. But it will only carry you so far.
I'm sick of the excuses. I'm sick of the delusion.
I want to pry their eyes open and force them to see.
But of course that won't work.
Seeing isn't believing, Believing is seeing.
I geuss it's our beliefs that are seperating us.
A dispute between ideals.
My will to adapt my ideals to the surrounding environment,
and their's that is unwavering and childish and refusing to mold.
I've grown up so much this year.
I've realized how close I am to all the guys...
and how that ties me down.
I wouldn't trade my relationship with any of them for anything,
but I must say, when I attempt to make new friends but I have those amazing bonds to compare the novice friendships to, it's hard.
It's been so long since the boys and I first met.
We've been best friends for such a long time that I barely remember the beginning.
I barely remember how hard it was at first, when we were all testing the waters, getting a feel for eachother, finding the exact spot in that person's life that we fit where we were comfortable with fitting.
Trying to create new friendships is almost overwhelming in the sense that I want so bad to connect with some people that I fear I over look the connection progress. The baby steps, so to speak.
As if I'm just waiting around to find that point of perfect comfort like I have with my babes.
Love
Now that's an interesting subject. Screwy one at that.
I've come to soo many conclusions about this concept.
About what it means for each individual involved, and what it means for them as a couple.
How humans can find someone drop dead gorgeous one day and not but homely the next.
How beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but behind the eye is the heart.
The heart tells the eye what to see. When the heart loves someone their beauty flourishes.
When the heart is heart looses interest or falls out of love, they grow plain quick.
I've been really overwhelmed with these ideas lately.. this is just a tiny peace of what I've really written down.
But I like playing them over in my head. Each time they sprout new limbs that are always a treat to explore.
Since I've sat up my cough has all but stopped.
Makes it a shame that I have to lay back down.
I miss my car. It was supposed to be here today..
What if I don't have it this weekend?
That sucks soo much.
Lets all think happy thoughts now, shall we?
trying to sleep, but when I lay down all I do is cough.
It sucks..
Tomoro is friday, Which means I will be out late with no energy to be out on.
Spring break is a happy idea. Some how I feel it is too short.
I've come to alot of enlightenments..
Epiphanies of a sort.
About humans, and their behavior or nature.
How we love, and how we observe the people we love,
and How my friends delude themselves in an attempt
to block out over half of the human spectrum of emotion, action, and creation.
How they are only being a fraction of a human.
Trying to make themselves believe that peace love and happiness
are the only things worth looking at.
Worth living on.
Look how far it's gotten them.
You can't call yourself a true humanitarian,
Or even a true "hippy"
if all you do is focus on the good and ignore the bad.
To truly love humans and be happy with them, One needs to love every part of them.
Experience every part of them.
The positive, the negative, the in between, all of it.
You can't just single out the parts we like.
Some of the naivety I've seen lately has really unsettled me.
I'm at least two years younger than all my friends,AT LEAST.
And alot of them I look down on and think, grow up.
Sure, Idealism is great. But it will only carry you so far.
I'm sick of the excuses. I'm sick of the delusion.
I want to pry their eyes open and force them to see.
But of course that won't work.
Seeing isn't believing, Believing is seeing.
I geuss it's our beliefs that are seperating us.
A dispute between ideals.
My will to adapt my ideals to the surrounding environment,
and their's that is unwavering and childish and refusing to mold.
I've grown up so much this year.
I've realized how close I am to all the guys...
and how that ties me down.
I wouldn't trade my relationship with any of them for anything,
but I must say, when I attempt to make new friends but I have those amazing bonds to compare the novice friendships to, it's hard.
It's been so long since the boys and I first met.
We've been best friends for such a long time that I barely remember the beginning.
I barely remember how hard it was at first, when we were all testing the waters, getting a feel for eachother, finding the exact spot in that person's life that we fit where we were comfortable with fitting.
Trying to create new friendships is almost overwhelming in the sense that I want so bad to connect with some people that I fear I over look the connection progress. The baby steps, so to speak.
As if I'm just waiting around to find that point of perfect comfort like I have with my babes.
Love
Now that's an interesting subject. Screwy one at that.
I've come to soo many conclusions about this concept.
About what it means for each individual involved, and what it means for them as a couple.
How humans can find someone drop dead gorgeous one day and not but homely the next.
How beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but behind the eye is the heart.
The heart tells the eye what to see. When the heart loves someone their beauty flourishes.
When the heart is heart looses interest or falls out of love, they grow plain quick.
I've been really overwhelmed with these ideas lately.. this is just a tiny peace of what I've really written down.
But I like playing them over in my head. Each time they sprout new limbs that are always a treat to explore.
Since I've sat up my cough has all but stopped.
Makes it a shame that I have to lay back down.
I miss my car. It was supposed to be here today..
What if I don't have it this weekend?
That sucks soo much.
Lets all think happy thoughts now, shall we?