prescription speed..
this entry really isn't interesting, I'm writing it more for me and my own goals because typing is faster than paper and pen. I should probly put this on private, but there are a few people who deserve to read this.
Prescription Speed..
What a thing of no more... (did that make sense?)
omg.
Adderall is a drug for people who want to lay in bed all night and pretend they're sleeping,
meanwhile, they are in a state of awakened sleep. The spot that we slide through as we go into sleep, only, we aren't supposed to stay there more than a few seconds. With adderall, you live there, You can't go to sleep, but you aren't fully awake, (mind you, you can wake up whenever you want) it's like you are in lucid sleeping with hallucinogenic dreams. I know that may sound interesting but it's not. I can understand taking this for midterms and such, but it is NOT a recreational drug.
I've gotten 45 minutes of sleep tonight. and not all at once, little fifteen minute intervals.
oh and adderall doesn't mix with bright lights or loud noises.
Never again,
I'm done,
I've let go of it all.
Cigarettes are the only thing that i have a little bit of trouble with.
Mostly because it's socially exceptable and you can do it anywhere.
and it's all around you.
But i've had my epiphany, if cigarettes are now my only struggle i can do it.
the rest is lost to the wind. marijuana, cocaine, lsd, ecstasy, dextromethorphan,
I'm even kinda over alcohol. I don't like drinking with my friends anymore.
Just my family. They are the shit for tequila shots.
I always feel uneasy drinking outside of my parents.
this was not the case in 9th grade, but it is now, i don't know why.
i like having the occasional corona with my friends, but that isn't drinking, it's relaxing.
I'm finally getting my priorities straight, I'm growing up.
I'm growing out of the substance phase. (Well, I am out of it)
Today is Daniela's birthday she's 17, and I sat there last night watching all of them get drunk and knew that if I was drunk I wouldn't have been enjoying myself.
Thanks to Carlos, Lauren, Juan, Alex H., And Alex Anthony, for staying sober with me. Okay, so like most of us were sober.
But I wasn't completely sober.
I think I had 3 cigarettes yesterday. I won't be having any today, or tomorrow, or this week, it's next weekend that I'm worried about. I'm most likely going to forget about how disgusted I am by them today, when next weekend rolls around and I will probly have to smoke some all over again, and be disgusted once more. How long will this cycle continue? It's a virulent one, I tell you that.
I just realized I'm most likely really dehydrated right now. I've had like 3 advils 2 adderalls 1 antibiotic, and I've been peeing like bust your balls falls (bust your balls falls is a waterfall you can slide down in North Carolina)oh and not to mention I had nearly spoiled milk. Yum.
Water. I can feel my body rejuvinating. It's like I can't get enough. If this is what I've needed all night then shame on me. Forgive me for being out of adderall practice, and I don't intend to get back into it.
I enjoy sobriety, I really do. It's not like I didn't before, but, I think I have a new found appreciation for it. This is the state of mind i was given and I shouldn't constantly be altering it. (Not like I was fucked up all the time, but I can embellish a little can't i?) I have a pressure headache. The kind where your body wants to sleep but your head says no.
I have dance today, I don't know how I'm gonna pull it off, but I'll attempt, maybe I'll just go and tell her I can't dance and fall asleep somewhere at the JCC. I've slept there before, with Laur and Leese. That was good fun.
I really feel like writing more. It's a good release but my better judgement is telling me to try and get some shut-eye, and I must obey.
Prescription Speed..
What a thing of no more... (did that make sense?)
omg.
Adderall is a drug for people who want to lay in bed all night and pretend they're sleeping,
meanwhile, they are in a state of awakened sleep. The spot that we slide through as we go into sleep, only, we aren't supposed to stay there more than a few seconds. With adderall, you live there, You can't go to sleep, but you aren't fully awake, (mind you, you can wake up whenever you want) it's like you are in lucid sleeping with hallucinogenic dreams. I know that may sound interesting but it's not. I can understand taking this for midterms and such, but it is NOT a recreational drug.
I've gotten 45 minutes of sleep tonight. and not all at once, little fifteen minute intervals.
oh and adderall doesn't mix with bright lights or loud noises.
Never again,
I'm done,
I've let go of it all.
Cigarettes are the only thing that i have a little bit of trouble with.
Mostly because it's socially exceptable and you can do it anywhere.
and it's all around you.
But i've had my epiphany, if cigarettes are now my only struggle i can do it.
the rest is lost to the wind. marijuana, cocaine, lsd, ecstasy, dextromethorphan,
I'm even kinda over alcohol. I don't like drinking with my friends anymore.
Just my family. They are the shit for tequila shots.
I always feel uneasy drinking outside of my parents.
this was not the case in 9th grade, but it is now, i don't know why.
i like having the occasional corona with my friends, but that isn't drinking, it's relaxing.
I'm finally getting my priorities straight, I'm growing up.
I'm growing out of the substance phase. (Well, I am out of it)
Today is Daniela's birthday she's 17, and I sat there last night watching all of them get drunk and knew that if I was drunk I wouldn't have been enjoying myself.
Thanks to Carlos, Lauren, Juan, Alex H., And Alex Anthony, for staying sober with me. Okay, so like most of us were sober.
But I wasn't completely sober.
I think I had 3 cigarettes yesterday. I won't be having any today, or tomorrow, or this week, it's next weekend that I'm worried about. I'm most likely going to forget about how disgusted I am by them today, when next weekend rolls around and I will probly have to smoke some all over again, and be disgusted once more. How long will this cycle continue? It's a virulent one, I tell you that.
I just realized I'm most likely really dehydrated right now. I've had like 3 advils 2 adderalls 1 antibiotic, and I've been peeing like bust your balls falls (bust your balls falls is a waterfall you can slide down in North Carolina)oh and not to mention I had nearly spoiled milk. Yum.
Water. I can feel my body rejuvinating. It's like I can't get enough. If this is what I've needed all night then shame on me. Forgive me for being out of adderall practice, and I don't intend to get back into it.
I enjoy sobriety, I really do. It's not like I didn't before, but, I think I have a new found appreciation for it. This is the state of mind i was given and I shouldn't constantly be altering it. (Not like I was fucked up all the time, but I can embellish a little can't i?) I have a pressure headache. The kind where your body wants to sleep but your head says no.
I have dance today, I don't know how I'm gonna pull it off, but I'll attempt, maybe I'll just go and tell her I can't dance and fall asleep somewhere at the JCC. I've slept there before, with Laur and Leese. That was good fun.
I really feel like writing more. It's a good release but my better judgement is telling me to try and get some shut-eye, and I must obey.