Fic (sort of): The Pros and Cons of Brainiac Possessing Chloe
Maybe I’m pushing the boundaries of what constitutes a fic here or maybe I’m just having some fun.
Title: The Pros and Cons of Brianiac Possessing Chloe
By: Firebunny
Genre: Humor
Pairing: Clark/Brainiac
Rating: Somewhere between PG-13 and R
Warnings: References to sex and sexual acts
Spoilers: After Bride
Summary: Clark makes a list of the good and bad things about Chloiac
Word Count: 285
From the desk of Clark Kent
The Pros and Cons of Brainiac Possessing Chloe
Con: Through my arrogance in thinking Chloe needed protection from her own memories, I have allowed a maniacal, intergalactic super-computer to control her body. (-5)
Pro: Chloe’s memories may not have been erased (just her personality), so I don’t have to feel bad about that. (+2)
Con: Jimmy unwittingly married a computer. (-3)
Pro: This doesn’t really affect me one way or the other. (0)
Con: Brainiac will set out to conquer the world, undoubtedly causing death and destruction in the process. (-10)
Pro: I have the perfect excuse for not dealing with either Lois or Lana right now. (+4 for Lois, +4 for Lana, Total +8)
Pro: Brainiac doesn’t have Chloe’s body image issues and will run around in nothing but a bra, panties and a silky, little bathrobe. (+5)
Con: It’s hard to fight evil when I have an erection. (-7)
Con: Brainiac’s dastardly plan to control me using sex. (-10)
Pro: Brainiac’s dastardly plan to control me using sex! (+25)
Con: Brainiac’s vast store of knowledge makes it near impossible to defeat him. (-14)
Pro: Vast store of knowledge includes sexual positions and techniques from across the universe. There’s a lot I can learn. (+17 for, you know, improving my intellect)
Pro: Brainiac likes to give blowjobs. (+100)
Con: Brainaic likes to give blowjobs to just about everyone. (-100)
Con: Brainiac has announced plans to use Chloe’s body to birth a new race of Kryptonians. (-34)
Pro: Options for studs are limited to Doomsday and myself. Going by looks alone, I am the clear winner. (+29)
Tally Total: +3
Conclusion: Brainiac possessing Chloe is a good thing.