there's no time to be down on yourself when you're awesome.
So just before the holidays (November-ish) I've been kind of down on myself for a bunch of stupid reasons. Well, they're all legitimate and sometimes it comes to the surface here in LJ land as "WTF" and/or "FML" posts. For one reason or another my worries have been piling up since last year about the usual ho-hum b.s. everyone deals with all the time, every day (money, bills, job, etc.).
I think I've figured out that what I wasn't doing before all of this started bugging me was being creative, trying new things and just getting out of the fucking house. I've always thought of myself as someone who is happier when I'm doing these "things". Dre sometimes says it's a curse that I can't stay still. I'm always doing something when I'm at home, but that "something" lately has been kind of unproductive, like spending hours surfing the internet, ripping dvds, and moving things around the house in a vain effort to simplify my surroundings, which usually results in a pile of shit that migrates from one end of the house to the other and back again.
I was going to participate in this sketchbook project that was going to tour the country. I was really excited about it and I had it all planned out. The stress got to me and I completely forgot about it until the deadline came and went and I kicked myself in the head for not doing it. That really brought me down. It still grates my nerve to know that I let that slip.
For the longest time I thought it was my job because I felt kind of useless. They didn't have work for me and the stuff that they were asking me to do was beyond my skill set. I didn't really feel appreciated for weeks while I worked overtime. I feared for my job. I wanted to find a new one. Lately I've realized that that's not it.
I think I wanted to change myself for a while too. Re-evaluate my priorities, grow up or some stupid shit mature people say. Repaint the house, sell some stuff, change, evolve. Just fucking do something different. Be something different.
I've started taking steps to "do something". Did you notice this isn't all in lowercase? Yup, a new thing. I even started writing in cursive for a laugh again. That shit is hard. My own 12 step program to get out of the rut that is my current life. And when I say "me" I mean "we".
Dre and I have started getting out to the Y again. To try and eat healthier and not be a couch potato during the winter. I'm actually going to be a big boy and try and fix the faucet in the bathroom this weekend. These things cost money and is somewhat defeating me on other fronts, but I'm finding happiness in small accomplishments and fixing the house (aka being productive) is one part of that.
I honestly don't know where I was going with this. Again, I'm posting my woes to LJ land. I guess even this is part of my 12 step program. It sounds stupid to me after reading this out. Like, "Why the hell are you being such a whiny bitch for?". I miss you LJ. Sorry I only come around when I'm in a bad mood.
I feel better now though.
Oh, BTW Kittenrun shared a link that kind of brought me out of this whole funk that I was in. Thanks girl. Check it out.. The Short and Sweet Guide to Being Fucking Awesome
Apparently it's easier than most people think. Good. Something new to try.
I think I've figured out that what I wasn't doing before all of this started bugging me was being creative, trying new things and just getting out of the fucking house. I've always thought of myself as someone who is happier when I'm doing these "things". Dre sometimes says it's a curse that I can't stay still. I'm always doing something when I'm at home, but that "something" lately has been kind of unproductive, like spending hours surfing the internet, ripping dvds, and moving things around the house in a vain effort to simplify my surroundings, which usually results in a pile of shit that migrates from one end of the house to the other and back again.
I was going to participate in this sketchbook project that was going to tour the country. I was really excited about it and I had it all planned out. The stress got to me and I completely forgot about it until the deadline came and went and I kicked myself in the head for not doing it. That really brought me down. It still grates my nerve to know that I let that slip.
For the longest time I thought it was my job because I felt kind of useless. They didn't have work for me and the stuff that they were asking me to do was beyond my skill set. I didn't really feel appreciated for weeks while I worked overtime. I feared for my job. I wanted to find a new one. Lately I've realized that that's not it.
I think I wanted to change myself for a while too. Re-evaluate my priorities, grow up or some stupid shit mature people say. Repaint the house, sell some stuff, change, evolve. Just fucking do something different. Be something different.
I've started taking steps to "do something". Did you notice this isn't all in lowercase? Yup, a new thing. I even started writing in cursive for a laugh again. That shit is hard. My own 12 step program to get out of the rut that is my current life. And when I say "me" I mean "we".
Dre and I have started getting out to the Y again. To try and eat healthier and not be a couch potato during the winter. I'm actually going to be a big boy and try and fix the faucet in the bathroom this weekend. These things cost money and is somewhat defeating me on other fronts, but I'm finding happiness in small accomplishments and fixing the house (aka being productive) is one part of that.
I honestly don't know where I was going with this. Again, I'm posting my woes to LJ land. I guess even this is part of my 12 step program. It sounds stupid to me after reading this out. Like, "Why the hell are you being such a whiny bitch for?". I miss you LJ. Sorry I only come around when I'm in a bad mood.
I feel better now though.
Oh, BTW Kittenrun shared a link that kind of brought me out of this whole funk that I was in. Thanks girl. Check it out.. The Short and Sweet Guide to Being Fucking Awesome
Apparently it's easier than most people think. Good. Something new to try.