Beauty
Title: Beauty
Pairing: Jaejoong / Yoochun, Yunho / Yoochun
Genre: Angst
Rating: G
Length: One Shot
Warning: character death
Disclaimer: I own DBSK, when I close my eyes.
Summary: Yoochun knows beauty never lasts.
A/N: From now on, blocassimere and I will be posting on fire_of_eclipse~ please do join our comm if you dont mind :DD but we will still cross post it on our journal and pairing comms :)
A/N 2: late birthday fic for xsuju_addictx too, I guess, cos she hasn't received my package~
10.04.11 #3 | Crash and Burn - Savage Garden
Yoochun remembered when he was in his grade four science class. They were studying plant anatomy in school and the teacher would give all the children a stem of hibiscus each.
“Hibiscus is a perfect flower,” she said.
They would start by peeling the petals off, and studied its parts. Red petals would be all over the room, as if someone spilled red splotches of paint on the white floor. Some would tear the petals into smaller pieces and throw them in the air, like red snows.
Yoochun wondered often times as, at the end of the class, he stared at the mess in his table that used to be perfect beauty.
If it is so perfect, why did you destroy it?
Only years later Yoochun understood, beauty is meant to be destroyed. He was known to be a prodigy, but only few of the luckiest could capture the beauty of Yoochun’s art before they were destroyed.
Yoochun never allowed cameras inside his gallery, there would never be any form of documentations of his artworks after exhibitions. That was why his exhibitions are always full of art lovers, because they couldn’t read reviews of Yoochun’s paintings in newspaper or watch the news on TV.
Collectors tried to buy his art, pleaded for him to let them purchase the paintings despite the amount of money Yoochun asked. Yoochun refused with a smile, simply stating, beauty cannot be owned.
After exhibition, to everyone’s grieves, Yoochun would burn all of his works before starting to work on a new project. The previous collections left no trace but memories in the heart of the admirers, who cried over beautiful colors that turned into ashes.
Yoochun would smile over their tears, beauty never meant to last.
***
Beauty never meant to last, and Jaejoong was a beauty.
He first met Jaejoong in the hospital, looking like perfection. For the first time in his life, he knew how the collectors felt. He wanted to own that beauty, that perfection, while being perfectly aware that beauty cannot be owned.
“Park Yoochun?” Jaejoong tilted his head in question, “Never heard of that name.”
Yoochun chuckled, “You don’t have to, I’m no one.”
“Why were the reporters after you, then?”
“Because…I’m good looking?” Yoochun joked and Jaejoong laughed.
“You know, I can’t deny that,” Jaejoong said with a smile.
Yoochun smiled back, “Do you mind if I hide here for a while? Or at least until they’re gone…”
“Not at all.”
***
“What’s your favorite color?”
“Red.”
“Hmm. Why red?”
“Because…red is red.”
Yoochun looked up from his sketchbook to meet Jaejoong’s eye. “Red?”
Jaejoong nodded, “Red.”
“Red,” Yoochun repeated as the poured a little bit of red watercolor paint into his palm. It was his habit of not using a pallet while painting. He dipped the tip of his brush on Jaejoong’s drinking glass, making Jaejoong laugh, before coloring the background of the sketch he just made.
“What’s your favorite flower?” Jaejoong suddenly asked.
“Hibiscus.”
Jaejoong smirked, “Of course.”
Yoochun raised an eyebrow in question, but Jaejoong did not say anything else. Yoochun went back to finishing his sketch. When he was done, he ripped the page off his sketchbook and taped it into the wall behind Jaejoong’s bed. “Red looks good on you.”
He dipped the brush to the water again, swirls of red leaked out of it, before diffusing into the water. He stirred and the water turned red, it reminded him of blood.
“You’ll come back tomorrow right?” Jaejoong asked as Yoochun walked to the door.
“Everyday, ‘til you’ve had enough of me,” Yoochun smiled before closing the door behind him.
He walked down the white lifeless hall of the hospital. It smelled of disinfectant, smelled of death. He wished he could free Jaejoong from that jail, but that would only hurt Jaejoong. Like picking a flower off the ground, it would slowly wither without the support of the soil. Jaejoong needed the medicines and the doctors to keep him alive.
Yoochun stared at his hand, still stained with dried red paint. What have I done?
***
“I know who you are.”
Yoochun raised an eyebrow as he received the red hibiscus Jaejoong handed to him.
“I asked one of the nurse to buy me hibiscus yesterday. She saw your sketch and gasped, saying she knew who painted it. Park Yoochun, the prodigy who burns his paintings after exhibitions. She asked who gave it to me; I said it was from a friend. She said, then it couldn’t be Park Yoochun, because he never leaves a trace of his beautiful creations.”
Yoochun said nothing.
“Are you going to burn this sketch?” Jaejoong asked, unsure.
Yoochun smiled and shook his head.
“Why not?”
“It’s the most beautiful.”
***
“What are you reading?”
“Magazine.”
“Since when do you read magazine?”
“Since I know you’ll be in it.”
“So?”
“So I want to know more about what you do when you’re not in my room.”
“You can’t trust the media, it’s full of shit.”
Jaejoong didn’t look up from the article he was reading.
“They said you’re a playboy. One beautiful model here said she was your ex. You painted her once, but burned it right after. It hurt her the most, that’s why she broke up with you. But she said you’re a good kisser, that’s a compliment right?”
Yoochun laughed.
“Why did you burn it?”
“It was not worth the exhibition.”
Jaejoong said nothing.
“I want to prove the article wrong.”
“The ‘good kisser’ part?”
Yoochun chuckled and leaned forward to capture Jaejoong’s lips with his own. Their first kiss was innocent, with Jaejoong being unsure and Yoochun being too careful, but Jaejoong slowly melted and let down his defense. He let his tongue danced along with Yoochun; the kiss lasted for what felt like forever to him. It was Yoochun’s twentieth visit.
“The article is wrong,” Yoochun whispered against Jaejoong’s lips. “I’m an amazing kisser.”
***
He didn’t know how many sketches and paintings he made of Jaejoong, but he didn’t burn any of them, not even the ugliest ones.
He failed matching the colors of three paintings.
He wasn’t satisfied with five of them.
He finished every single one of them, even though he was not satisfied with it. He made more, as visiting Jaejoong every day means another painting done. Jaejoong’s face soon filled both Yoochun’s studio and Jaejoong’s hospital room.
He was contented with all of them. He liked how Jaejoong smiled, talked, laughed, and sang. He liked how Jaejoong covered his mouth while laughing, eyes squinting, hair waving. He loved the smile in Jaejoong’s eyes. He loved the happiness in Jaejoong’s voice.
He forgot how unreachable Jaejoong was.
“I love you, Kim Jaejoong.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
“I will always love you.”
***
Fear used to be a foreign concept. Fear was all Yoochun could feel as he stood outside the emergency room.
The fact that he never felt such fear before only made him feels worst. He never knew the fear of losing someone could be that worse. He never knew he could feel that way for someone he had only known for three months.
The view of Jaejoong in bed with oxygen mask over his face was the scariest thing he’d ever seen. ‘Why?’ he asked the God he hadn’t talked to for years. ‘Why does it have to be Jaejoong? Why does it have to be after I met Jaejoong?’
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all.
He walked into the emergency room when the doctors allowed him to. Jaejoong smiled when he saw Yoochun, but said nothing.
“I never asked why,” Yoochun said, his voice came out barely a whisper. “Why, Jae?”
Jaejoong took Yoochun’s hand. “AIDS. I got it from needle exchange. I used to do drugs.”
“Will you be fine?”
Jaejoong shook his head, still smiling, “Probably not.”
Yoochun bit his lower lip and leaned down to kiss Jaejoong, but the other turned his head to avoid Yoochun’s lips. Yoochun looked at him questioningly.
“Can I ask you one thing?”
“Anything,” Yoochun said, tightening his hold on Jajeoong’s hand. “Anything, anything. Whatever that is…”
“Burn my paintings.”
Yoochun stared at Jaejoong in shock and he could see determination in Jaejoong’s eyes. “Please don’t make me do that.”
“Why not?”
“I want you, and if I can’t have you let me at least have your paintings…”
“You wont burn any of them?”
“No… Let me be selfish, Jae.”
“You already are.”
Yoochun couldn’t help but to smile. “I need you.”
“You have me.”
Yoochun leaned down for a kiss and this time, Jaejoong didn’t move away. The kiss turned desperate, needy, as Yoochun tried to memorize every inch of Jaejoong, every bit of his lover’s taste. He wanted to gather everything that was left that he could save.
“I love you, Park Yoochun.” That was the first time Jaejoong returned his confessions.
***
Yoochun knew, beauty never meant to last. He knew, but it doesn’t mean he was prepared. He wasn’t prepared, and he could never be prepared. His heart couldn’t take it, but Jaejoong’s condition got worse and he knew, his “beauty” would not last.
He cursed life, destiny, fate, even God, whoever responsible for his lover’s suffer, but Jaejoong smiled at him.
“At least you could own this beauty, even if it’s only for a little while,” Jaejoong whispered.
“Do I?”
“If I have forever, I’d spend it with you.”
Just then, someone opened the door of Jaejoong’s room. A tall guy entered the room with a banquet of red roses. He was surprised to find someone there, but his gaze immediately turned to Jaejoong. “Yunho.”
“How are you feeling, Jae?”
“It took forever for you to remember me,” Jaejoong chuckled bitterly, tightening his hold on Yoochun’s hand.
Yunho smiled apologetically and set the roses in a vase on the nightstand. “Pretty paintings,” he said as he looked around the room. “Park Yoochun was criticized for never using a living human model before. He always painted someone out of his imagination.”
Jaejoong turned to Yoochun, but Yoochun kept his eyes on Yunho.
“I guess only Kim Jaejoong is worthy of Park Yoochun’s sense of beauty.”
“He is.”
“Yoochun, this is Yunho,” Jaejoong cut in as the tension grew thicker. “Yunho, Yoochun is my boyfriend.”
Yunho smiled, “At least I know you’re not lonely.” He kissed Jaejoong’s cheek and settled at an armchair in the corner of the room, reading a book. Jaejoong turned to Yoochun with a smile and started talking about other things, completely ignoring Yunho’s presence. Yoochun followed along, although he was fully aware of every movement Yunho made.
Jaejoong fell asleep. He had fallen asleep easily lately, as his body weakened and he easily grew exhausted. Yoochun was planning on watching his lover’s sleeping face when Yunho got up from his seat and motioned Yoochun to follow him. Yoochun did and they walked out of the room.
“You’re the man who ruined Jaejoong’s life,” Yoochun said it as statement, not a question.
“Am I?” Yunho sat on one of the chairs in the hallway as Yoochun stood still in front of him, glaring. “How did you know Jaejoong?”
Yoochun shrugged, “Fate?”
“Isn’t fate cruel?” Yunho chuckled bitterly. “You just met him, wishing to spend forever with him, while knowing perfectly his time is running out.”
“Who are you to him?”
“That, you have to ask him. For me, he is… my biggest mistake.”
“Regretting yourself now?” Yoochun scoffed.
“No, it was his decision to use drug. He was in too much pain.” Yunho shook his head. “The drug was from me, and I was the one who introduced him to Siwon.” He closed his eyes and leaned to the wall. “I should’ve died, I should be the one suffering, not him.”
Yoochun bit his lower lips. “You didn’t know?”
“No. If I knew, I would never let him share needle with Siwon. I swear I would never, ever…”
“That’s enough,” Yoochun cut in. “That’s enough, please.”
Yunho sighed and got up. “I’m sorry,” put a hand on Yoochun’s cheek. “I’d do anything to pay my debt to you and Jaejoong. I swear I will.”
“This is unfair…” tears slid down Yoochun’s face. “This is unfair, unfair, unfair!”
Yunho pulled him into a hug and let Yoochun soak his shoulder wet.
“Life has never been fair.”
***
“Yunho?” Jaejoong rubbed the sleepiness off his eyes.
Yunho looked up from the book on his lap, “Hey, Jae.”
“Where’s Chunnie?”
Yunho chuckled as he closed the book and walked over to Jaejoong’s bed. “Is he all you could ever think about?”
“Yes…pretty much?” Jaejoong answered with a grin.
Yunho laughed and patted Jaejoong’s head. “Pretty much, huh? He said he’ll be late for today.”
Jaejoong hummed. “Yunnie, can I ask you a favor?”
“No.”
Jaejoong pouted, “Why not!”
“Cause you’re talking as if you’re about to die, so, no.”
He smiled wryly, “But I am going to die.”
“Shut up.”
Jaejoong pouted again, “Fine! Just remember you’re responsible for this!” Yunho gasped. He knew he was responsible, and the guilt was killing him every day, eating him from the inside. He was more than willing to die for Jaejoong. Jaejoong, however, raised a hand to caress his cheeks. “But it’s my fate. And when I’m gone, the least you can do is take care of Yoochun for me.”
“Jae…”
“You’re perfectly healthy, right? The virus didn’t get to you, you have nothing to worry about.”
“Yoochun would never agree to this.”
“I don’t care. I love both of you; I want both of you to be happy. This is the only logical way I could think of.”
“Your logic had always been fucked up,” Yunho grinned.
Jaejoong hit his arm and laughed. Yunho smiled and ruffled his hair. “Promise me, Yunho,” he insisted
Yunho sighed, “I’ll do my best.”
***
Jaejoong left a painting unfinished and went away without a warning. He left the two men he loved the most a letter; telling them that he hoped they would get along and take care of each other. Yoochun didn’t stop crying for weeks, while Yunho tried his best to be strong for Yoochun. The two got closer each day as they support and depend on each other.
Yoochun held an exhibition of all Jaejoong’s painting on Jaejoong’s one-year death anniversary. He didn’t burn the painting after, although he still refused to sell them, and even allowed the media to enter his gallery. With fingers entwined along Yunho’s, he faced the reporter with a smile and told Jaejoong’s story.
“I want the world to know the man I love the most,” he said on his press conference and turned to Yunho with a smile. “The man we love the most,” he corrected. “Let the world know how amazing of a person he was even on his deathbed. Let the world know his mistakes so that they could learn from him. Let the world know our mistake so they could learn to really cherish their loved ones.” Yoochun brought Yunho’s hand that’s on his and kissed the back of his palm, “Make sure you hold on to your dear ones as strong as you could, don’t ever let them go.”
Yunho smiled and pulled Yoochun for a kiss, ignoring shouts of questions and flashes of camera directed to then. He warped an arm around Yoochun’s waist and led him away from the gallery to the safety of their home.
As he sat on the floor, back pressed to Yunho’s arm, Yoochun thought his life over. “Maybe I was wrong…” he said suddenly.
Yunho turned from his book to look at Yoochun, “About?”
“About beauty.”
“No you’re right, beauty never meant to last,” Yunho said, running his fingers through Yoochun’s soft black locks.
“I don’t think so, not anymore,” Yoochun smiled and caressed Yunho’s cheek. “I seemed to have forgotten that love is a form of beauty. Love lasts forever, don’t you think?”
Yunho chuckled and leaned down to kiss the top of Yoochun’s head. Yoochun grinned and turned to steal a kiss from Yunho’s lips before resuming his sketching. Yunho glance at the sketchbook on his lover’s lap and, even though he had seen him draw a lot of times, he couldn’t help but be amazed and admit Yoochun is a genius.
“How do you remember him so well?” Yunho smiled against the crook of Yoochun’s neck.
Yoochun hummed, “Jaejoong lasts forever, doesn’t he?”
“He does, indeed,” Yunho tilted Yoochun’s head gently and kissed him. “We will, too.”
Yoochun kissed back, smiling, “Of course we will.”
***
Do not take any posts from this journal and post it somewhere else without permission as well as proper credit.
Comments are loved <3
Pairing: Jaejoong / Yoochun, Yunho / Yoochun
Genre: Angst
Rating: G
Length: One Shot
Warning: character death
Disclaimer: I own DBSK, when I close my eyes.
Summary: Yoochun knows beauty never lasts.
A/N: From now on, blocassimere and I will be posting on fire_of_eclipse~ please do join our comm if you dont mind :DD but we will still cross post it on our journal and pairing comms :)
A/N 2: late birthday fic for xsuju_addictx too, I guess, cos she hasn't received my package~
10.04.11 #3 | Crash and Burn - Savage Garden
Yoochun remembered when he was in his grade four science class. They were studying plant anatomy in school and the teacher would give all the children a stem of hibiscus each.
“Hibiscus is a perfect flower,” she said.
They would start by peeling the petals off, and studied its parts. Red petals would be all over the room, as if someone spilled red splotches of paint on the white floor. Some would tear the petals into smaller pieces and throw them in the air, like red snows.
Yoochun wondered often times as, at the end of the class, he stared at the mess in his table that used to be perfect beauty.
If it is so perfect, why did you destroy it?
Only years later Yoochun understood, beauty is meant to be destroyed. He was known to be a prodigy, but only few of the luckiest could capture the beauty of Yoochun’s art before they were destroyed.
Yoochun never allowed cameras inside his gallery, there would never be any form of documentations of his artworks after exhibitions. That was why his exhibitions are always full of art lovers, because they couldn’t read reviews of Yoochun’s paintings in newspaper or watch the news on TV.
Collectors tried to buy his art, pleaded for him to let them purchase the paintings despite the amount of money Yoochun asked. Yoochun refused with a smile, simply stating, beauty cannot be owned.
After exhibition, to everyone’s grieves, Yoochun would burn all of his works before starting to work on a new project. The previous collections left no trace but memories in the heart of the admirers, who cried over beautiful colors that turned into ashes.
Yoochun would smile over their tears, beauty never meant to last.
***
Beauty never meant to last, and Jaejoong was a beauty.
He first met Jaejoong in the hospital, looking like perfection. For the first time in his life, he knew how the collectors felt. He wanted to own that beauty, that perfection, while being perfectly aware that beauty cannot be owned.
“Park Yoochun?” Jaejoong tilted his head in question, “Never heard of that name.”
Yoochun chuckled, “You don’t have to, I’m no one.”
“Why were the reporters after you, then?”
“Because…I’m good looking?” Yoochun joked and Jaejoong laughed.
“You know, I can’t deny that,” Jaejoong said with a smile.
Yoochun smiled back, “Do you mind if I hide here for a while? Or at least until they’re gone…”
“Not at all.”
***
“What’s your favorite color?”
“Red.”
“Hmm. Why red?”
“Because…red is red.”
Yoochun looked up from his sketchbook to meet Jaejoong’s eye. “Red?”
Jaejoong nodded, “Red.”
“Red,” Yoochun repeated as the poured a little bit of red watercolor paint into his palm. It was his habit of not using a pallet while painting. He dipped the tip of his brush on Jaejoong’s drinking glass, making Jaejoong laugh, before coloring the background of the sketch he just made.
“What’s your favorite flower?” Jaejoong suddenly asked.
“Hibiscus.”
Jaejoong smirked, “Of course.”
Yoochun raised an eyebrow in question, but Jaejoong did not say anything else. Yoochun went back to finishing his sketch. When he was done, he ripped the page off his sketchbook and taped it into the wall behind Jaejoong’s bed. “Red looks good on you.”
He dipped the brush to the water again, swirls of red leaked out of it, before diffusing into the water. He stirred and the water turned red, it reminded him of blood.
“You’ll come back tomorrow right?” Jaejoong asked as Yoochun walked to the door.
“Everyday, ‘til you’ve had enough of me,” Yoochun smiled before closing the door behind him.
He walked down the white lifeless hall of the hospital. It smelled of disinfectant, smelled of death. He wished he could free Jaejoong from that jail, but that would only hurt Jaejoong. Like picking a flower off the ground, it would slowly wither without the support of the soil. Jaejoong needed the medicines and the doctors to keep him alive.
Yoochun stared at his hand, still stained with dried red paint. What have I done?
***
“I know who you are.”
Yoochun raised an eyebrow as he received the red hibiscus Jaejoong handed to him.
“I asked one of the nurse to buy me hibiscus yesterday. She saw your sketch and gasped, saying she knew who painted it. Park Yoochun, the prodigy who burns his paintings after exhibitions. She asked who gave it to me; I said it was from a friend. She said, then it couldn’t be Park Yoochun, because he never leaves a trace of his beautiful creations.”
Yoochun said nothing.
“Are you going to burn this sketch?” Jaejoong asked, unsure.
Yoochun smiled and shook his head.
“Why not?”
“It’s the most beautiful.”
***
“What are you reading?”
“Magazine.”
“Since when do you read magazine?”
“Since I know you’ll be in it.”
“So?”
“So I want to know more about what you do when you’re not in my room.”
“You can’t trust the media, it’s full of shit.”
Jaejoong didn’t look up from the article he was reading.
“They said you’re a playboy. One beautiful model here said she was your ex. You painted her once, but burned it right after. It hurt her the most, that’s why she broke up with you. But she said you’re a good kisser, that’s a compliment right?”
Yoochun laughed.
“Why did you burn it?”
“It was not worth the exhibition.”
Jaejoong said nothing.
“I want to prove the article wrong.”
“The ‘good kisser’ part?”
Yoochun chuckled and leaned forward to capture Jaejoong’s lips with his own. Their first kiss was innocent, with Jaejoong being unsure and Yoochun being too careful, but Jaejoong slowly melted and let down his defense. He let his tongue danced along with Yoochun; the kiss lasted for what felt like forever to him. It was Yoochun’s twentieth visit.
“The article is wrong,” Yoochun whispered against Jaejoong’s lips. “I’m an amazing kisser.”
***
He didn’t know how many sketches and paintings he made of Jaejoong, but he didn’t burn any of them, not even the ugliest ones.
He failed matching the colors of three paintings.
He wasn’t satisfied with five of them.
He finished every single one of them, even though he was not satisfied with it. He made more, as visiting Jaejoong every day means another painting done. Jaejoong’s face soon filled both Yoochun’s studio and Jaejoong’s hospital room.
He was contented with all of them. He liked how Jaejoong smiled, talked, laughed, and sang. He liked how Jaejoong covered his mouth while laughing, eyes squinting, hair waving. He loved the smile in Jaejoong’s eyes. He loved the happiness in Jaejoong’s voice.
He forgot how unreachable Jaejoong was.
“I love you, Kim Jaejoong.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
“I will always love you.”
***
Fear used to be a foreign concept. Fear was all Yoochun could feel as he stood outside the emergency room.
The fact that he never felt such fear before only made him feels worst. He never knew the fear of losing someone could be that worse. He never knew he could feel that way for someone he had only known for three months.
The view of Jaejoong in bed with oxygen mask over his face was the scariest thing he’d ever seen. ‘Why?’ he asked the God he hadn’t talked to for years. ‘Why does it have to be Jaejoong? Why does it have to be after I met Jaejoong?’
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all.
He walked into the emergency room when the doctors allowed him to. Jaejoong smiled when he saw Yoochun, but said nothing.
“I never asked why,” Yoochun said, his voice came out barely a whisper. “Why, Jae?”
Jaejoong took Yoochun’s hand. “AIDS. I got it from needle exchange. I used to do drugs.”
“Will you be fine?”
Jaejoong shook his head, still smiling, “Probably not.”
Yoochun bit his lower lip and leaned down to kiss Jaejoong, but the other turned his head to avoid Yoochun’s lips. Yoochun looked at him questioningly.
“Can I ask you one thing?”
“Anything,” Yoochun said, tightening his hold on Jajeoong’s hand. “Anything, anything. Whatever that is…”
“Burn my paintings.”
Yoochun stared at Jaejoong in shock and he could see determination in Jaejoong’s eyes. “Please don’t make me do that.”
“Why not?”
“I want you, and if I can’t have you let me at least have your paintings…”
“You wont burn any of them?”
“No… Let me be selfish, Jae.”
“You already are.”
Yoochun couldn’t help but to smile. “I need you.”
“You have me.”
Yoochun leaned down for a kiss and this time, Jaejoong didn’t move away. The kiss turned desperate, needy, as Yoochun tried to memorize every inch of Jaejoong, every bit of his lover’s taste. He wanted to gather everything that was left that he could save.
“I love you, Park Yoochun.” That was the first time Jaejoong returned his confessions.
***
Yoochun knew, beauty never meant to last. He knew, but it doesn’t mean he was prepared. He wasn’t prepared, and he could never be prepared. His heart couldn’t take it, but Jaejoong’s condition got worse and he knew, his “beauty” would not last.
He cursed life, destiny, fate, even God, whoever responsible for his lover’s suffer, but Jaejoong smiled at him.
“At least you could own this beauty, even if it’s only for a little while,” Jaejoong whispered.
“Do I?”
“If I have forever, I’d spend it with you.”
Just then, someone opened the door of Jaejoong’s room. A tall guy entered the room with a banquet of red roses. He was surprised to find someone there, but his gaze immediately turned to Jaejoong. “Yunho.”
“How are you feeling, Jae?”
“It took forever for you to remember me,” Jaejoong chuckled bitterly, tightening his hold on Yoochun’s hand.
Yunho smiled apologetically and set the roses in a vase on the nightstand. “Pretty paintings,” he said as he looked around the room. “Park Yoochun was criticized for never using a living human model before. He always painted someone out of his imagination.”
Jaejoong turned to Yoochun, but Yoochun kept his eyes on Yunho.
“I guess only Kim Jaejoong is worthy of Park Yoochun’s sense of beauty.”
“He is.”
“Yoochun, this is Yunho,” Jaejoong cut in as the tension grew thicker. “Yunho, Yoochun is my boyfriend.”
Yunho smiled, “At least I know you’re not lonely.” He kissed Jaejoong’s cheek and settled at an armchair in the corner of the room, reading a book. Jaejoong turned to Yoochun with a smile and started talking about other things, completely ignoring Yunho’s presence. Yoochun followed along, although he was fully aware of every movement Yunho made.
Jaejoong fell asleep. He had fallen asleep easily lately, as his body weakened and he easily grew exhausted. Yoochun was planning on watching his lover’s sleeping face when Yunho got up from his seat and motioned Yoochun to follow him. Yoochun did and they walked out of the room.
“You’re the man who ruined Jaejoong’s life,” Yoochun said it as statement, not a question.
“Am I?” Yunho sat on one of the chairs in the hallway as Yoochun stood still in front of him, glaring. “How did you know Jaejoong?”
Yoochun shrugged, “Fate?”
“Isn’t fate cruel?” Yunho chuckled bitterly. “You just met him, wishing to spend forever with him, while knowing perfectly his time is running out.”
“Who are you to him?”
“That, you have to ask him. For me, he is… my biggest mistake.”
“Regretting yourself now?” Yoochun scoffed.
“No, it was his decision to use drug. He was in too much pain.” Yunho shook his head. “The drug was from me, and I was the one who introduced him to Siwon.” He closed his eyes and leaned to the wall. “I should’ve died, I should be the one suffering, not him.”
Yoochun bit his lower lips. “You didn’t know?”
“No. If I knew, I would never let him share needle with Siwon. I swear I would never, ever…”
“That’s enough,” Yoochun cut in. “That’s enough, please.”
Yunho sighed and got up. “I’m sorry,” put a hand on Yoochun’s cheek. “I’d do anything to pay my debt to you and Jaejoong. I swear I will.”
“This is unfair…” tears slid down Yoochun’s face. “This is unfair, unfair, unfair!”
Yunho pulled him into a hug and let Yoochun soak his shoulder wet.
“Life has never been fair.”
***
“Yunho?” Jaejoong rubbed the sleepiness off his eyes.
Yunho looked up from the book on his lap, “Hey, Jae.”
“Where’s Chunnie?”
Yunho chuckled as he closed the book and walked over to Jaejoong’s bed. “Is he all you could ever think about?”
“Yes…pretty much?” Jaejoong answered with a grin.
Yunho laughed and patted Jaejoong’s head. “Pretty much, huh? He said he’ll be late for today.”
Jaejoong hummed. “Yunnie, can I ask you a favor?”
“No.”
Jaejoong pouted, “Why not!”
“Cause you’re talking as if you’re about to die, so, no.”
He smiled wryly, “But I am going to die.”
“Shut up.”
Jaejoong pouted again, “Fine! Just remember you’re responsible for this!” Yunho gasped. He knew he was responsible, and the guilt was killing him every day, eating him from the inside. He was more than willing to die for Jaejoong. Jaejoong, however, raised a hand to caress his cheeks. “But it’s my fate. And when I’m gone, the least you can do is take care of Yoochun for me.”
“Jae…”
“You’re perfectly healthy, right? The virus didn’t get to you, you have nothing to worry about.”
“Yoochun would never agree to this.”
“I don’t care. I love both of you; I want both of you to be happy. This is the only logical way I could think of.”
“Your logic had always been fucked up,” Yunho grinned.
Jaejoong hit his arm and laughed. Yunho smiled and ruffled his hair. “Promise me, Yunho,” he insisted
Yunho sighed, “I’ll do my best.”
***
Jaejoong left a painting unfinished and went away without a warning. He left the two men he loved the most a letter; telling them that he hoped they would get along and take care of each other. Yoochun didn’t stop crying for weeks, while Yunho tried his best to be strong for Yoochun. The two got closer each day as they support and depend on each other.
Yoochun held an exhibition of all Jaejoong’s painting on Jaejoong’s one-year death anniversary. He didn’t burn the painting after, although he still refused to sell them, and even allowed the media to enter his gallery. With fingers entwined along Yunho’s, he faced the reporter with a smile and told Jaejoong’s story.
“I want the world to know the man I love the most,” he said on his press conference and turned to Yunho with a smile. “The man we love the most,” he corrected. “Let the world know how amazing of a person he was even on his deathbed. Let the world know his mistakes so that they could learn from him. Let the world know our mistake so they could learn to really cherish their loved ones.” Yoochun brought Yunho’s hand that’s on his and kissed the back of his palm, “Make sure you hold on to your dear ones as strong as you could, don’t ever let them go.”
Yunho smiled and pulled Yoochun for a kiss, ignoring shouts of questions and flashes of camera directed to then. He warped an arm around Yoochun’s waist and led him away from the gallery to the safety of their home.
As he sat on the floor, back pressed to Yunho’s arm, Yoochun thought his life over. “Maybe I was wrong…” he said suddenly.
Yunho turned from his book to look at Yoochun, “About?”
“About beauty.”
“No you’re right, beauty never meant to last,” Yunho said, running his fingers through Yoochun’s soft black locks.
“I don’t think so, not anymore,” Yoochun smiled and caressed Yunho’s cheek. “I seemed to have forgotten that love is a form of beauty. Love lasts forever, don’t you think?”
Yunho chuckled and leaned down to kiss the top of Yoochun’s head. Yoochun grinned and turned to steal a kiss from Yunho’s lips before resuming his sketching. Yunho glance at the sketchbook on his lover’s lap and, even though he had seen him draw a lot of times, he couldn’t help but be amazed and admit Yoochun is a genius.
“How do you remember him so well?” Yunho smiled against the crook of Yoochun’s neck.
Yoochun hummed, “Jaejoong lasts forever, doesn’t he?”
“He does, indeed,” Yunho tilted Yoochun’s head gently and kissed him. “We will, too.”
Yoochun kissed back, smiling, “Of course we will.”
***
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