-private-
The problem with school being out is that I'm suddenly un-busy and left to my thoughts.
I still can't quite believe what happened last week. But he made me so MAD I just couldn't stand not doing anything anymore... the bastard. Augh, I go crazy trying to imagine what he's thinking. All I want is for him to go as crazy as me, to suffer for me as much as I've suffered for him. I want the opportunity to shoot him down and to string him along. That's what he deserves. I wish I knew if anything I did so much as fazed him. At least I know that kiss got a little under his skin, even if I don't know in what way. I want to talk to Shanks about it but I know if I tell him he's going to pressure me to persue things further. But I'm stepping off again -- like I told myself, that was it. I've done my final part in this. I hope it haunts him.
The more I think about it though, the better and the worse I feel. I feel good for having done it, for told him off for the jerk that he is. I need... to talk to Sanji though. I already threw his life into chaos once, I need to tell him about this before... before I don't know what. He's been too good to me to not. I don't want to give him up and I'm certainly not going to approach him as such... but I feel dishonest going on pretending that nothing's wrong. He's too perceptive anyway, he's probably already got some sort of idea... and he's been a little distant the last few days. I hope rumors haven't started circulating again already... sometimes I think the problem with attending such a queer-friendly school is that more fags means more gossip...
I need to think good and hard about what I'm going to say...
I still can't quite believe what happened last week. But he made me so MAD I just couldn't stand not doing anything anymore... the bastard. Augh, I go crazy trying to imagine what he's thinking. All I want is for him to go as crazy as me, to suffer for me as much as I've suffered for him. I want the opportunity to shoot him down and to string him along. That's what he deserves. I wish I knew if anything I did so much as fazed him. At least I know that kiss got a little under his skin, even if I don't know in what way. I want to talk to Shanks about it but I know if I tell him he's going to pressure me to persue things further. But I'm stepping off again -- like I told myself, that was it. I've done my final part in this. I hope it haunts him.
The more I think about it though, the better and the worse I feel. I feel good for having done it, for told him off for the jerk that he is. I need... to talk to Sanji though. I already threw his life into chaos once, I need to tell him about this before... before I don't know what. He's been too good to me to not. I don't want to give him up and I'm certainly not going to approach him as such... but I feel dishonest going on pretending that nothing's wrong. He's too perceptive anyway, he's probably already got some sort of idea... and he's been a little distant the last few days. I hope rumors haven't started circulating again already... sometimes I think the problem with attending such a queer-friendly school is that more fags means more gossip...
I need to think good and hard about what I'm going to say...