Order of the Phoenix, Take 2
2. While I’m on the subject of Hogwarts houses, I am also longing to see some evidence that Ravenclaws are good for something other than excelling academically, playing a reasonable game of Quidditch, filling out the supporting ranks of Dumbledore’s Army, and being girlfriends to Gryffindor boys. (Speaking of which, has Penelope Clearwater ditched Percy Weasley in the wake of his throwing in with the noxious pro-Umbridge faction of the Ministry of Magic? Inquiring Prophet readers want to know.) Is it stupid to ask for a Ravenclaw who's a leader? Is the proper response to that just "Oh, you mean a Gryffindor"? To be fair, Rowling has nothing to do with my longstanding dissatisfaction with my place in the world, apart from giving it a name, but as a perpetually pissed-off Ravenclaw myself I would at least like to know that one of my tribe did something worth noting - like, I dunno, writing the wizardverse equivalent of Gravity’s Rainbow or something. Come on, Ravenclaws, repre-fucking-sent!
3. It has long been apparent that Ron and Hermione are going to get together (there’s a hint of it onscreen as early as movie two), and since Rowling is an acknowledged fan of Jane Austen, I’m hoping for a friends-become-lovers subplot that is not unworthy of being mentioned in the same breath as the ones in Emma and its recent literary heir Atonement.
From the top: Emma Watson and George Weasley; James Potter and Mr. Knightley; Chelsea and Hillary Clinton.
Bonus pairing: Professors Snape and Trelawney (shown here in Halloween costumes, obviously), drawn together by a mutual fetish for Harry Potter death porn.
Where Harry is concerned, I suspect that, like Frodo, he is destined to remain alone, too consumed psychically by his mission to have much energy left over for love. And who knows, maybe that’s actually preferable to a gender-clichéd scenario wherein Cho sits at home, typing her doctoral thesis on the use of Summoning Charms in the major wizard civil wars with one hand while burping her and Harry’s first child with the other, chronically worried and disgruntled over the long absences entailed by Harry's work as an auror. I'm also hearing vague rumblings, which I am so far feeling resistant to, involving Harry and Ginny Weasley. Yes, there are signs that Ginny may have great things in store, and she's a Gryffindor. But the whole kid sister thing...I just don't know. Jo, if you're gonna take things in that direction, you're gonna have to work to make me like it.
I do look forward, however, to other interesting hookups at Hogwarts. Neville and Luna Lovegood? Even better, Neville and Parvati! Were Fred Weasley and Angelina Johnson a Yule Ball couple of convenience, or do they perhaps have long-term prospects? And what about the adults? Sirius needs some kind of karmic reward after those long years in Azkaban and in hiding, I think. And Lupin, lovely Lupin! - though I can't think who'd be good enough for him. He's not that old, Lupin - what about him and Ginny? She'd figure out a way to make the whole werewolf thing work. Maybe she and Hermione and some potions whiz from Ravenclaw could put their heads together and actually come up with the antidote for werewolfism. Wizarding Nobel prize for sure!
Most of all, I want Crabbe and Goyle to realize their deep, abiding love for one another, a love for which their servitude to Malfoy has merely provided socially acceptable cover. Publicly outing themselves over dinner in the Great Hall on the last night of term (there are limits to their courage, after all), they will tell Malfoy where to stick it, then petition Dumbledore and the Sorting Hat to move them into Hufflepuff for the duration of their time at Hogwarts, during which they will become staunch supporters of the D.A. and student body heroes.
4. Which leads me to Draco himself. Currently neither a truly insidious villain (i.e., one with real personal strengths, not merely money and connections, that would tempt other students to rally behind him against Harry and Dumbledore) nor a full, complex human being, Draco needs to become one or the other or else get off the pot. I sense that a more thorough and definitive confrontation between Harry and Draco is coming, one of those tete-a-tetes where the warring parties achieve a certain intimacy, a twisted mind-meld during which they are forced to acknowledge the bonds that link them and the ways in which they might be alike (as Harry has already been forced to accept his connection of sorts with Voldemort). I’m hoping for some kind of epiphany for Draco during this showdown that will push him decisively toward one pole or the other.
Myself, I favor a scenario in which Draco, driven partly by adolescent rebellion and partly by a genuine crisis of conscience in the wake of Crabbe and Goyle’s defections, finally breaks with his father to work against Voldemort. He will be too embittered to fully join forces with Harry, however, and will become a sort of junior-level Snape, disliked and mistrusted by both sides and happy belonging to neither. He and Pansy Parkinson will retire to the Continent, where their contentious but long-lasting marriage will yield a bevy of bratty sons who will all attend Durmstrang.
5. And finally, Snape himself. What is his deal, already? Clearly the man has balls of steel, because he not only defied Voldemort and lived to tell the tale, a rare enough thing, but had the stomach to endure the more mundane daily tribulations of the aftermath of that decision, like someone who’s been through AA but still has to live with the constant desire to drink. One must respect him for this, but Jesus it’s impossible to like the guy, what with his pissiness, his blatant Slytherin favoritism, his projecting shit onto Harry that clearly originates somewhere in his own personal baggage. Which is what, exactly? It’s bound to start coming out in these Occlumency lessons, but it ain’t happening fast enough for my tastes. Unpack that baggage, Severus; lay down your bitchy tune, let Harry earn your grudging respect and do something to earn his, and I will hang a poster of you on my wall.
Snape actually protecting our heroes: Still a WTF? moment.
3. It has long been apparent that Ron and Hermione are going to get together (there’s a hint of it onscreen as early as movie two), and since Rowling is an acknowledged fan of Jane Austen, I’m hoping for a friends-become-lovers subplot that is not unworthy of being mentioned in the same breath as the ones in Emma and its recent literary heir Atonement.
From the top: Emma Watson and George Weasley; James Potter and Mr. Knightley; Chelsea and Hillary Clinton.
Bonus pairing: Professors Snape and Trelawney (shown here in Halloween costumes, obviously), drawn together by a mutual fetish for Harry Potter death porn.
Where Harry is concerned, I suspect that, like Frodo, he is destined to remain alone, too consumed psychically by his mission to have much energy left over for love. And who knows, maybe that’s actually preferable to a gender-clichéd scenario wherein Cho sits at home, typing her doctoral thesis on the use of Summoning Charms in the major wizard civil wars with one hand while burping her and Harry’s first child with the other, chronically worried and disgruntled over the long absences entailed by Harry's work as an auror. I'm also hearing vague rumblings, which I am so far feeling resistant to, involving Harry and Ginny Weasley. Yes, there are signs that Ginny may have great things in store, and she's a Gryffindor. But the whole kid sister thing...I just don't know. Jo, if you're gonna take things in that direction, you're gonna have to work to make me like it.
I do look forward, however, to other interesting hookups at Hogwarts. Neville and Luna Lovegood? Even better, Neville and Parvati! Were Fred Weasley and Angelina Johnson a Yule Ball couple of convenience, or do they perhaps have long-term prospects? And what about the adults? Sirius needs some kind of karmic reward after those long years in Azkaban and in hiding, I think. And Lupin, lovely Lupin! - though I can't think who'd be good enough for him. He's not that old, Lupin - what about him and Ginny? She'd figure out a way to make the whole werewolf thing work. Maybe she and Hermione and some potions whiz from Ravenclaw could put their heads together and actually come up with the antidote for werewolfism. Wizarding Nobel prize for sure!
Most of all, I want Crabbe and Goyle to realize their deep, abiding love for one another, a love for which their servitude to Malfoy has merely provided socially acceptable cover. Publicly outing themselves over dinner in the Great Hall on the last night of term (there are limits to their courage, after all), they will tell Malfoy where to stick it, then petition Dumbledore and the Sorting Hat to move them into Hufflepuff for the duration of their time at Hogwarts, during which they will become staunch supporters of the D.A. and student body heroes.
4. Which leads me to Draco himself. Currently neither a truly insidious villain (i.e., one with real personal strengths, not merely money and connections, that would tempt other students to rally behind him against Harry and Dumbledore) nor a full, complex human being, Draco needs to become one or the other or else get off the pot. I sense that a more thorough and definitive confrontation between Harry and Draco is coming, one of those tete-a-tetes where the warring parties achieve a certain intimacy, a twisted mind-meld during which they are forced to acknowledge the bonds that link them and the ways in which they might be alike (as Harry has already been forced to accept his connection of sorts with Voldemort). I’m hoping for some kind of epiphany for Draco during this showdown that will push him decisively toward one pole or the other.
Myself, I favor a scenario in which Draco, driven partly by adolescent rebellion and partly by a genuine crisis of conscience in the wake of Crabbe and Goyle’s defections, finally breaks with his father to work against Voldemort. He will be too embittered to fully join forces with Harry, however, and will become a sort of junior-level Snape, disliked and mistrusted by both sides and happy belonging to neither. He and Pansy Parkinson will retire to the Continent, where their contentious but long-lasting marriage will yield a bevy of bratty sons who will all attend Durmstrang.
5. And finally, Snape himself. What is his deal, already? Clearly the man has balls of steel, because he not only defied Voldemort and lived to tell the tale, a rare enough thing, but had the stomach to endure the more mundane daily tribulations of the aftermath of that decision, like someone who’s been through AA but still has to live with the constant desire to drink. One must respect him for this, but Jesus it’s impossible to like the guy, what with his pissiness, his blatant Slytherin favoritism, his projecting shit onto Harry that clearly originates somewhere in his own personal baggage. Which is what, exactly? It’s bound to start coming out in these Occlumency lessons, but it ain’t happening fast enough for my tastes. Unpack that baggage, Severus; lay down your bitchy tune, let Harry earn your grudging respect and do something to earn his, and I will hang a poster of you on my wall.
Snape actually protecting our heroes: Still a WTF? moment.