Today... is a mighty sad day
Today I would have been fine, I would have been laughing right now, singing a happy song that I've put in my head, or even watched a lot of movies instead of going to see one. But the thing is I did go see one, I did venture out of my house, stopped my little happy tune, and wore my self out instead of my armor. I thought it would be a good day, that I would just go out and occupy my time with something other then just thinking about how tomorrow will be two weeks since I thought I was dreaming, that I though my baby was just sleeping and came on line to just talk to me, not take what I said out of hand and dump me and break things off between us. I let my guard down today and it sucked because it hurt even more then when I was just listening to music trying to will him out of my brain for once.
I went to the the movies and saw a really good show when someone asked me if I was single, this someone that was close, this someone that I was only looking at as a friend to pass the time, not a potential date, not someone I was interested in, and when they said it I was tumbled under bricks and stone and broken all over again. Because when I thought about the answer I was reminded that today he said we weren't dating as if it was the weather or the time of day being spoken. Today I was reminded that a week ago I was good, but only on the outside, calling him begging him to take me back and to forgive me. On the inside I'm dying (not literally, more metaphorically) because I'm losing all of my memories of us together a year, and I'm losing out on being with him for two weeks more then a year, telling him how much I love him and how much I miss him and want to see him. Making plans for the future seems to be on hiatus only I can't seems to get it back to what it used to be. I feel like I'm losing all hope I had for us to ever be together again... I'm killing myself inside because I just miss him, and want to see him and be with him again just like we said we would. i don't understand what happened to thinking about marrying him and being with him for the rest of our lives? I miss him so much and I'm scared because I'm losing my own hope.
I went to the the movies and saw a really good show when someone asked me if I was single, this someone that was close, this someone that I was only looking at as a friend to pass the time, not a potential date, not someone I was interested in, and when they said it I was tumbled under bricks and stone and broken all over again. Because when I thought about the answer I was reminded that today he said we weren't dating as if it was the weather or the time of day being spoken. Today I was reminded that a week ago I was good, but only on the outside, calling him begging him to take me back and to forgive me. On the inside I'm dying (not literally, more metaphorically) because I'm losing all of my memories of us together a year, and I'm losing out on being with him for two weeks more then a year, telling him how much I love him and how much I miss him and want to see him. Making plans for the future seems to be on hiatus only I can't seems to get it back to what it used to be. I feel like I'm losing all hope I had for us to ever be together again... I'm killing myself inside because I just miss him, and want to see him and be with him again just like we said we would. i don't understand what happened to thinking about marrying him and being with him for the rest of our lives? I miss him so much and I'm scared because I'm losing my own hope.