invisa(disa)bility: 2 poems
it is slight
like the way my body's history effects me every day
slight
so i don't feel i have the right to complain
slight
so i don't think i have the right to call out
ableism.
professionals compare me to 'normal people'
and i do the same to myself.
i am a host of contradictions
able bodied until i am not.
normal until i am not.
invisible until i make myself seen
make myself vulnerable
admit my defeat
and then you don't believe me
because i have been invisible for so long.
and i want to shout "you're being fucking ableist!"
but then i'd want to shout "but i'm not disabled!"
and then i'd want to shout "fuck!"
so generally we just get the last part.
i don't want pity
i don't expect understanding
it is insulting when you try.
i want to feel strong when i say
"i can't"
i want to be recognized for taking care of myself.
i am able bodied
until i am compared to you
so stop.
------
my body both is
and is not
my own
i am able
except when i’m not
and you think ‘well yes, aren’t we all?’
but it is different
you are singing as we walk up the hill
you are dancing on the stairs
you are equating your struggles to mine
or assuming i have none at all
it’s more complicated than
able bodied
and disabled
you have the language
but not the knowledge
you have never been in my body
please don’t make assumptions
i am alone in this
as we all are
we are together in this
like every single person
can we fight together
without claiming understanding?
can you stop running ahead
while shouting about oppression?
i’m trying to let you learn
i want you to keep singing
but today
each note is making my scrap-yard heart ache.
like the way my body's history effects me every day
slight
so i don't feel i have the right to complain
slight
so i don't think i have the right to call out
ableism.
professionals compare me to 'normal people'
and i do the same to myself.
i am a host of contradictions
able bodied until i am not.
normal until i am not.
invisible until i make myself seen
make myself vulnerable
admit my defeat
and then you don't believe me
because i have been invisible for so long.
and i want to shout "you're being fucking ableist!"
but then i'd want to shout "but i'm not disabled!"
and then i'd want to shout "fuck!"
so generally we just get the last part.
i don't want pity
i don't expect understanding
it is insulting when you try.
i want to feel strong when i say
"i can't"
i want to be recognized for taking care of myself.
i am able bodied
until i am compared to you
so stop.
------
my body both is
and is not
my own
i am able
except when i’m not
and you think ‘well yes, aren’t we all?’
but it is different
you are singing as we walk up the hill
you are dancing on the stairs
you are equating your struggles to mine
or assuming i have none at all
it’s more complicated than
able bodied
and disabled
you have the language
but not the knowledge
you have never been in my body
please don’t make assumptions
i am alone in this
as we all are
we are together in this
like every single person
can we fight together
without claiming understanding?
can you stop running ahead
while shouting about oppression?
i’m trying to let you learn
i want you to keep singing
but today
each note is making my scrap-yard heart ache.