fic: Peaches, Chapter 5
Title: Peaches, Chapter Five
Author: finurtchel
Rating: R (mainly to keep the whole story together as later chapters are the R parts)
Spoilers: none in this chapter, really.
Warnings: It's nothing bad.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Summary: Finn is involved in a fender-bender while driving Kurt's car.
Author's Comments: Here is the next installment! I hope its alright; I keep writing my stories in the past tense when I want them to be in present tense, so I had to go through and change the tenses in some sections. Hope there aren't any mistakes! If there are now, let me know and I will re-post. I think I kind of need a beta-reader!! Anyway, this chapter has Rachel, Finn and Kurt POV sections and also a conversation between Carole and Kurt, which I hope isn't as awkward as it felt when I wrote it =s. Oh, and sorry for the lack of Finn/Kurt interaction in this, there will be a lot more in the next chapter! Please review, I love constructive criticism!
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Rachel hurls herself onto me and I can’t help cringing away from her. She’s holding me tightly and it feels really uncomfortable, especially because her arm’s close to digging right into my cla… clap… whatever it is that’s broken.
“…Rachel,” I whine, my teeth clenched, shoving her off as she starts squeezing me harder. She sobs into my neck, her hot tears leaking down my neck and I would have felt sorry for her if there wasn’t someone else I’d prefer to have crying into my neck, no matter how much it hurt.
God, that’s so mean. I glance guiltily at Kurt, whose looking determinedly in the other direction with a blank expression on his face, as Rachel reluctantly withdraws her arms and stood up to wipe her sleeves over her eyes. I look quickly away from Kurt so she that she won’t notice me staring at him.
She stares at me and I try my best to give her a reassuring smile. She smiles back weakly and sits down heavily on the bed beside me, resting her hand on my chest.
“I’m so… I’m so glad you’re okay,” she whispers, reaching forwards and stroking my face. I flinch slightly at her touch, which makes her frown unhappily so I gently lift my good hand and put it over her hand on my chest.
“Me, too,” I reply softly, “it’s good to be able to see you again,” I add. Hey, shut up, I’m a nice guy and it’s in my nature to be nice even if I don’t mean it. Oh, dammit. What would Kurt think of me?
She sniffs and fresh tears leak out of her eyes. “I thought… I thought I was going to have to sing to you in a coma!” she moans, leaning forwards and resting her head on my chest.
I sigh and reach up to stroke her hair, trying to be comforting. But I’m not really paying much attention to her as she keeps mumbling words into my chest because Kurt is right there and he’s standing up.
“Where are you going?” I blurt out, startling Rachel out of speech at the sudden loudness of my voice, but it didn’t seem to make much of a response out of Kurt.
He just merely glances at me before saying, in a bored voice, “I’m going down to the canteen. I do need some kind of nutrients to live, you know, Finn. And it seems you are well covered right now so I didn’t think you’d miss me.”
Before I could reply he turns away and walks out. I open my mouth to call out to him but Rachel lifts her head as if sensing it and covers my lips with her own.
It doesn’t feel like it used to. There used to be a spark between us whenever we kissed but now… it just felt like nothing. I try to kiss her back though because, you know, the last thing I need right now is to have Rachel being more upset than she already is.
She smiles against the kiss before moving away and looking at me with a smile on her face.
“I love you, Finn Hudson,” she said, beaming at me.
I froze for a moment.
“I… I love you, too, Rachel,” I said and as soon as I said it at I knew for sure that it just wasn’t true anymore and I had no idea what I was going to do about it.
Not that that was anything new.
~
It was Rachel and she was here to ruin everything. I can’t tell if I felt relief or disappointment to have my almost-confession interrupted, but I know that under no circumstances do I want Rachel here fawning all over Finn when I should be and when I want all of his attention to himself.
I watch helplessly as she flings herself onto Finn, and even though I’m not stupid enough to forget that that probably hurt Finn a hell of a lot, I wish that I could do that. I wish that I could just fling by body down onto his and hold him and that he would stroke my hair and kiss my forehead. But I will never have that, will I?
I look away from Rachel and Finn and stare up at the ceiling. I can hear their mumbling voices but I try my hardest not to listen in, because hearing Little Miss Prissy Pants murmur sweet nothings to Finn is the last thing I want to hear, not to mention his replies.
I block my ears from them as hard as I can, but it doesn’t stop the pain. I know that no matter what Finn is always going to be with Rachel and they are cuddling on the hospital bed right next to me and Finn is probably telling her how much he loves her in a way that I have imagined him talking to me every night for two years. I have even imagined him saying such things when I was supposed to be mad at him, which grew so frustrating I can’t even explain how much. All that effort at being angry and trying to hate him has come down to nothing; look where I am now, by his hospital bed, taking all of the things he did to me back because he almost died, which made me realise that life without Finn wasn’t a life at all and I would never again throw that away because of pride.
Finn was much more important to me than that and I had to forgive him now. I had to forgive him for everything because… because I was still in love with him and it was never going to go away. No matter how hard I tried Finn was always going to hold a place in my heart, a place that I will never have in his, no matter how hard I try to get there.
Biting back a sob, I jump up off my chair as smoothly as I can and start to walk out of the room, but Finn’s startled voice interrupts me.
“Where are you going?” he asks me and I am surprised because it sounds scared and like he genuinely cares about me. Which I assume he does care about me, nonetheless, judging by our rather sweet and mushy talk before, but that didn’t stop him putting all of attention on Rachel at the click of a button. I can’t be in here any longer trying to fight this pain when all I want was to cry and scream and punch Rachel in the face.
I take a deep breath. “I’m going down to the canteen. I do need some kind of nutrients to live, you know, Finn. And it seems you are well covered right now so I didn’t think you’d miss me,” I reply in the most deadpan voice I could muster before walking out of the room with my head held high; I’m so fast that I didn’t catch the look on Finn’s face.
~
Rachel leaves an hour later and I’m glad because I really didn’t want her to stay any longer. My hand hurts because she was squeezing my hand too hard and my ears hurt because she was talking too much and I don’t know how I managed to put up with it, especially since I don’t love her anymore.
I groan outloud and close my eyes. I am the meanest person in the world. The whole time Rachel was here I barely paid any attention to her and kept feeling my eyes moving to the door, hoping each time that Kurt would walk in. But he never did and he still wasn’t back. Why hasn’t he come back? Does he hate me? Why can’t he just come back and tell me what he was going to tell me before Rachel butted in?
I want to die. I’m with Rachel and I don’t love her and I have no idea what to do about it. I’m not with Kurt and all I want is to be with him and I don’t even know what that really means. I am just so confused.
I try to close my eyes thinking that I should maybe sleep on it.
But that doesn’t work. I can’t even concentrate on sleeping.
My eyes feel funny and the pillow feels lumpy and the mattress is hard.
The people I love aren’t here.
The people I don’t love aren’t here either.
I’m all alone again.
There is nothing to distract me from the thoughts rushing around my head.
How do I tell Rachel that I don’t love her?
How do I let Kurt know how important he is to me? Properly this time.
What is actually going on with me and Kurt?
What are my true feelings?
Do... Do… I… like… am I… in… oh, I can’t even finish that question right now.
I wish I had died in the car accident so I didn’t have to worry about living.
Oh, god. What is happening to me? That isn’t me.
I love life. Life just doesn’t love me.
~
I find Carole in the canteen, sitting in the coffee place. She is staring off into space, her hands gripping her coffee mug. They look white they are so tense.
I quickly walk over to her and sit down beside her, putting a hand on her back gently.
“Are you alright, Carole?” I ask her, quietly.
She looks at me and shrugs, taking a sip of her coffee. “I don’t like hospitals, they freak me out,” she says, smiling at me slightly.
I smile back. “Me, too. It’s a horrifying place. This is the third time I’ve been here… you know, because of someone I care about,” I say, looking away before adding, “at least this time and the last haven’t ended in tragedy.”
Carole looks at me sadly and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You must miss her,” she says, gently.
I nod, a tear trickling down my cheek which I quickly wipe away.
“You poor thing,” Carole says and when she says it, it doesn’t sound patrionising like it does on some people. She pauses and then, “can I ask you something?”
I look away. “I… I’m sorry, Carole… I don’t really want to talk about my mother… or how she died… it’s too much.”
“Oh, honey,” Carole says, and for some reason she sounds guilty. “I understand that. I wasn’t actually going to ask about her, I had something else in mind… but you’re always welcome to talk to me about her if…if you ever feel like you want to.”
I look at her in surprise and smile. “Oh. Well… thanks.” I mumble.
“Anytime, sweetheart, anytime.”
I nod. Carole is no nice; she sort of reminds me of my own mother sometimes.
“So… what did you want to ask me?”
Carole clears her throat. “Well… I was just thinking… I’ve noticed how close… you and Finn have been… since his accident… and I guess I never paid so much attention before… though I have noticed you haven’t been speaking to him in weeks and he… he was always so upset about that… ranting on about how you weren’t talking to him… it was really upsetting him.”
She pauses and I hold my breath. I’m pretty sure I know where this is going but I so don’t want to have this conversation with Carole right now. Or with anyone. Or EVER.
“I was just wondering…. Are you… are you in love with my son?”
My face turns all hot and I stare at her. I try to say something but I’m pretty sure Carole doesn’t want a reply. I can tell by the way she looks at my red face that she already knows and there’s no point denying it. So I say the next best thing I can and blurt out, “please, please don’t tell him! I would die!”
Carole’s lips twitch and I’m pretty sure she would have laughed if I didn’t look do distressed. Instead she shakes her head and puts a consoling hand on my shoulder. “I would never to do that, honey, but you know… I’d really consider telling him yourself.”
I stare at her. “Why would I do that? I’ve already embarrassed myself enough.”
Carole just looks at me. “I’m just telling you what I think and I think that Finn would really, really want to know that,” she said, heavily stating the “really’s” and looking at me with a bit of twinkle in her eyes.
Before I can ask what she means by this, she stands up quickly and walks around the table.
“Are you coming?” she asks, holding out her hand to me as if I’m her small child.
I stand up and walk over, slipping my hand in her’s.
“Where are we going?” I ask her stupidly.
She smiles happily before saying, “it’s time for us to bring our boy home.”
Chapter 6: This Is About More Than Just Peaches
Author: finurtchel
Rating: R (mainly to keep the whole story together as later chapters are the R parts)
Spoilers: none in this chapter, really.
Warnings: It's nothing bad.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Summary: Finn is involved in a fender-bender while driving Kurt's car.
Author's Comments: Here is the next installment! I hope its alright; I keep writing my stories in the past tense when I want them to be in present tense, so I had to go through and change the tenses in some sections. Hope there aren't any mistakes! If there are now, let me know and I will re-post. I think I kind of need a beta-reader!! Anyway, this chapter has Rachel, Finn and Kurt POV sections and also a conversation between Carole and Kurt, which I hope isn't as awkward as it felt when I wrote it =s. Oh, and sorry for the lack of Finn/Kurt interaction in this, there will be a lot more in the next chapter! Please review, I love constructive criticism!
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Rachel hurls herself onto me and I can’t help cringing away from her. She’s holding me tightly and it feels really uncomfortable, especially because her arm’s close to digging right into my cla… clap… whatever it is that’s broken.
“…Rachel,” I whine, my teeth clenched, shoving her off as she starts squeezing me harder. She sobs into my neck, her hot tears leaking down my neck and I would have felt sorry for her if there wasn’t someone else I’d prefer to have crying into my neck, no matter how much it hurt.
God, that’s so mean. I glance guiltily at Kurt, whose looking determinedly in the other direction with a blank expression on his face, as Rachel reluctantly withdraws her arms and stood up to wipe her sleeves over her eyes. I look quickly away from Kurt so she that she won’t notice me staring at him.
She stares at me and I try my best to give her a reassuring smile. She smiles back weakly and sits down heavily on the bed beside me, resting her hand on my chest.
“I’m so… I’m so glad you’re okay,” she whispers, reaching forwards and stroking my face. I flinch slightly at her touch, which makes her frown unhappily so I gently lift my good hand and put it over her hand on my chest.
“Me, too,” I reply softly, “it’s good to be able to see you again,” I add. Hey, shut up, I’m a nice guy and it’s in my nature to be nice even if I don’t mean it. Oh, dammit. What would Kurt think of me?
She sniffs and fresh tears leak out of her eyes. “I thought… I thought I was going to have to sing to you in a coma!” she moans, leaning forwards and resting her head on my chest.
I sigh and reach up to stroke her hair, trying to be comforting. But I’m not really paying much attention to her as she keeps mumbling words into my chest because Kurt is right there and he’s standing up.
“Where are you going?” I blurt out, startling Rachel out of speech at the sudden loudness of my voice, but it didn’t seem to make much of a response out of Kurt.
He just merely glances at me before saying, in a bored voice, “I’m going down to the canteen. I do need some kind of nutrients to live, you know, Finn. And it seems you are well covered right now so I didn’t think you’d miss me.”
Before I could reply he turns away and walks out. I open my mouth to call out to him but Rachel lifts her head as if sensing it and covers my lips with her own.
It doesn’t feel like it used to. There used to be a spark between us whenever we kissed but now… it just felt like nothing. I try to kiss her back though because, you know, the last thing I need right now is to have Rachel being more upset than she already is.
She smiles against the kiss before moving away and looking at me with a smile on her face.
“I love you, Finn Hudson,” she said, beaming at me.
I froze for a moment.
“I… I love you, too, Rachel,” I said and as soon as I said it at I knew for sure that it just wasn’t true anymore and I had no idea what I was going to do about it.
Not that that was anything new.
~
It was Rachel and she was here to ruin everything. I can’t tell if I felt relief or disappointment to have my almost-confession interrupted, but I know that under no circumstances do I want Rachel here fawning all over Finn when I should be and when I want all of his attention to himself.
I watch helplessly as she flings herself onto Finn, and even though I’m not stupid enough to forget that that probably hurt Finn a hell of a lot, I wish that I could do that. I wish that I could just fling by body down onto his and hold him and that he would stroke my hair and kiss my forehead. But I will never have that, will I?
I look away from Rachel and Finn and stare up at the ceiling. I can hear their mumbling voices but I try my hardest not to listen in, because hearing Little Miss Prissy Pants murmur sweet nothings to Finn is the last thing I want to hear, not to mention his replies.
I block my ears from them as hard as I can, but it doesn’t stop the pain. I know that no matter what Finn is always going to be with Rachel and they are cuddling on the hospital bed right next to me and Finn is probably telling her how much he loves her in a way that I have imagined him talking to me every night for two years. I have even imagined him saying such things when I was supposed to be mad at him, which grew so frustrating I can’t even explain how much. All that effort at being angry and trying to hate him has come down to nothing; look where I am now, by his hospital bed, taking all of the things he did to me back because he almost died, which made me realise that life without Finn wasn’t a life at all and I would never again throw that away because of pride.
Finn was much more important to me than that and I had to forgive him now. I had to forgive him for everything because… because I was still in love with him and it was never going to go away. No matter how hard I tried Finn was always going to hold a place in my heart, a place that I will never have in his, no matter how hard I try to get there.
Biting back a sob, I jump up off my chair as smoothly as I can and start to walk out of the room, but Finn’s startled voice interrupts me.
“Where are you going?” he asks me and I am surprised because it sounds scared and like he genuinely cares about me. Which I assume he does care about me, nonetheless, judging by our rather sweet and mushy talk before, but that didn’t stop him putting all of attention on Rachel at the click of a button. I can’t be in here any longer trying to fight this pain when all I want was to cry and scream and punch Rachel in the face.
I take a deep breath. “I’m going down to the canteen. I do need some kind of nutrients to live, you know, Finn. And it seems you are well covered right now so I didn’t think you’d miss me,” I reply in the most deadpan voice I could muster before walking out of the room with my head held high; I’m so fast that I didn’t catch the look on Finn’s face.
~
Rachel leaves an hour later and I’m glad because I really didn’t want her to stay any longer. My hand hurts because she was squeezing my hand too hard and my ears hurt because she was talking too much and I don’t know how I managed to put up with it, especially since I don’t love her anymore.
I groan outloud and close my eyes. I am the meanest person in the world. The whole time Rachel was here I barely paid any attention to her and kept feeling my eyes moving to the door, hoping each time that Kurt would walk in. But he never did and he still wasn’t back. Why hasn’t he come back? Does he hate me? Why can’t he just come back and tell me what he was going to tell me before Rachel butted in?
I want to die. I’m with Rachel and I don’t love her and I have no idea what to do about it. I’m not with Kurt and all I want is to be with him and I don’t even know what that really means. I am just so confused.
I try to close my eyes thinking that I should maybe sleep on it.
But that doesn’t work. I can’t even concentrate on sleeping.
My eyes feel funny and the pillow feels lumpy and the mattress is hard.
The people I love aren’t here.
The people I don’t love aren’t here either.
I’m all alone again.
There is nothing to distract me from the thoughts rushing around my head.
How do I tell Rachel that I don’t love her?
How do I let Kurt know how important he is to me? Properly this time.
What is actually going on with me and Kurt?
What are my true feelings?
Do... Do… I… like… am I… in… oh, I can’t even finish that question right now.
I wish I had died in the car accident so I didn’t have to worry about living.
Oh, god. What is happening to me? That isn’t me.
I love life. Life just doesn’t love me.
~
I find Carole in the canteen, sitting in the coffee place. She is staring off into space, her hands gripping her coffee mug. They look white they are so tense.
I quickly walk over to her and sit down beside her, putting a hand on her back gently.
“Are you alright, Carole?” I ask her, quietly.
She looks at me and shrugs, taking a sip of her coffee. “I don’t like hospitals, they freak me out,” she says, smiling at me slightly.
I smile back. “Me, too. It’s a horrifying place. This is the third time I’ve been here… you know, because of someone I care about,” I say, looking away before adding, “at least this time and the last haven’t ended in tragedy.”
Carole looks at me sadly and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You must miss her,” she says, gently.
I nod, a tear trickling down my cheek which I quickly wipe away.
“You poor thing,” Carole says and when she says it, it doesn’t sound patrionising like it does on some people. She pauses and then, “can I ask you something?”
I look away. “I… I’m sorry, Carole… I don’t really want to talk about my mother… or how she died… it’s too much.”
“Oh, honey,” Carole says, and for some reason she sounds guilty. “I understand that. I wasn’t actually going to ask about her, I had something else in mind… but you’re always welcome to talk to me about her if…if you ever feel like you want to.”
I look at her in surprise and smile. “Oh. Well… thanks.” I mumble.
“Anytime, sweetheart, anytime.”
I nod. Carole is no nice; she sort of reminds me of my own mother sometimes.
“So… what did you want to ask me?”
Carole clears her throat. “Well… I was just thinking… I’ve noticed how close… you and Finn have been… since his accident… and I guess I never paid so much attention before… though I have noticed you haven’t been speaking to him in weeks and he… he was always so upset about that… ranting on about how you weren’t talking to him… it was really upsetting him.”
She pauses and I hold my breath. I’m pretty sure I know where this is going but I so don’t want to have this conversation with Carole right now. Or with anyone. Or EVER.
“I was just wondering…. Are you… are you in love with my son?”
My face turns all hot and I stare at her. I try to say something but I’m pretty sure Carole doesn’t want a reply. I can tell by the way she looks at my red face that she already knows and there’s no point denying it. So I say the next best thing I can and blurt out, “please, please don’t tell him! I would die!”
Carole’s lips twitch and I’m pretty sure she would have laughed if I didn’t look do distressed. Instead she shakes her head and puts a consoling hand on my shoulder. “I would never to do that, honey, but you know… I’d really consider telling him yourself.”
I stare at her. “Why would I do that? I’ve already embarrassed myself enough.”
Carole just looks at me. “I’m just telling you what I think and I think that Finn would really, really want to know that,” she said, heavily stating the “really’s” and looking at me with a bit of twinkle in her eyes.
Before I can ask what she means by this, she stands up quickly and walks around the table.
“Are you coming?” she asks, holding out her hand to me as if I’m her small child.
I stand up and walk over, slipping my hand in her’s.
“Where are we going?” I ask her stupidly.
She smiles happily before saying, “it’s time for us to bring our boy home.”
Chapter 6: This Is About More Than Just Peaches