ok, so what i actually wanted to say.
um, this is in particular aimed at my female-identified friends who are now or have recently been in relationships with guys of one sort or another. (but i'd love to hear from anyone with a thought.)
sometimes i feel a disconnect from the queer community because i've got this privilege of being in a passing relationship, even though the dynamics of the relationship itself may not be so straight, and even though i'm still queer. hello, didn't stop checking out hot girls just because i'm married. y'know? not like i'm going to do anything. but who turns off that part of them when they're with someone? i see no harm in window-shopping, just don't go in the store. hell, we can even window-shop together if we want.
but yeah. back to the original point. which is that i have this privilege, and i feel really uncomfortable going into queer spaces as a result, because i feel as though i'm flaunting this. but i'm NOT STRAIGHT. and i do feel very invisible as a result. i try to be as nonchalant as possible about the whole thing and just make mention of ex-girlfriends or such when it seems appropriate. but it's just not a subject that comes up for me all the time and i don't want to make a huge thing of it all the time. i just don't fucking want people to assume i'm straight. sigh, i know this is so not a big deal in the grand scheme. but still.
and then there's the other thing. i want to be an activist again but how to do so? i want to be involved in the rainbow alliance at my school. if anything, being married has made me more committed to the idea of equal marriage because i've gotten to experience firsthand what it means to be married. so it's something i'm emotionally invested in and i'd like to express that through action. but beyond the standard confront-it-when-you-see-it, write-letters-to-politicians end, which i'm already doing, i want to be involved with a group of people committed to the same thing i am. and i'm afraid of going into that group of people and not being accepted. that's what it comes down to.
i was at pride yesterday and felt so apart from everything that was going on, even as i felt wonderfully immersed in my culture. i'm starting to feel as though i can no longer claim this as my culture. and that's leaving me with a lost feeling inside.
sometimes i feel a disconnect from the queer community because i've got this privilege of being in a passing relationship, even though the dynamics of the relationship itself may not be so straight, and even though i'm still queer. hello, didn't stop checking out hot girls just because i'm married. y'know? not like i'm going to do anything. but who turns off that part of them when they're with someone? i see no harm in window-shopping, just don't go in the store. hell, we can even window-shop together if we want.
but yeah. back to the original point. which is that i have this privilege, and i feel really uncomfortable going into queer spaces as a result, because i feel as though i'm flaunting this. but i'm NOT STRAIGHT. and i do feel very invisible as a result. i try to be as nonchalant as possible about the whole thing and just make mention of ex-girlfriends or such when it seems appropriate. but it's just not a subject that comes up for me all the time and i don't want to make a huge thing of it all the time. i just don't fucking want people to assume i'm straight. sigh, i know this is so not a big deal in the grand scheme. but still.
and then there's the other thing. i want to be an activist again but how to do so? i want to be involved in the rainbow alliance at my school. if anything, being married has made me more committed to the idea of equal marriage because i've gotten to experience firsthand what it means to be married. so it's something i'm emotionally invested in and i'd like to express that through action. but beyond the standard confront-it-when-you-see-it, write-letters-to-politicians end, which i'm already doing, i want to be involved with a group of people committed to the same thing i am. and i'm afraid of going into that group of people and not being accepted. that's what it comes down to.
i was at pride yesterday and felt so apart from everything that was going on, even as i felt wonderfully immersed in my culture. i'm starting to feel as though i can no longer claim this as my culture. and that's leaving me with a lost feeling inside.